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My folks( well my dad and his lady friend ) pressure me to the point of harassment about why Im single. In short I am a 30 year old male finishing his MBA and as a dual citizen I am moving back to the USA. I have no interest in dating and no interest in any vancouver women I just want to finish my education sell my condo and leave. I have been telling people this for years. I want focus on my career and devlop myself as a professional mainly for me not for the approval of women Im doing this for myself 100%.
They pressure me so much its insane every couple days they phone and ask me if Im seeing anyone or" whats new and exciting" its like Im being micro managed or under the microscope and they are like lording over me with a clipboard ticking things off. its gotten to the point that they accuse me of being gay, or get angry as to why im single and storm out of the room or think I have "sexual problems" and tell people that orgossip about me. I cant get through a phone call without being harassed non stop it's constant and angry. my dad's girlfriend is like stuck it a "leave- it- to- beaver" sitcom mindset where everything just magically works out happily ever after( she's that nuts) she of course is divorced herself ( go figure) she has a Polly- Anna world view with new age spirtual crap thrown in. she sees the world like a Disney movie
The reality is Im straight I just want to be single. I dont try to pick up women I dont talk to women. I have no interest in anybody. I live alone. Im happy doing my own thing . the pressure they give is intense .lately is they way they accost me is subtle through their questioning. They have such an old fashion mindset
why do people think they are entitled to know everything about everyone else's social life? with all the pressure they give me if I ever decide to date again, I sure as well would never introduce them on account of anything embarassing happening and all this pressure pushes me away even further , but they are too stupid too see it
lets pretend I pick up some woman , why the hell would I tell my dad!? seriously they are the last on my list.I have no interest.I have too many things I want to do with myself ,school, move career, new hobbies I want to surf for example .My mother doesnt really bug me at all she doesnt care
it bothers me all the time and they bother me all the time
Boundaries. You're a big man, tell them to back off and you do what you need to do.
I've had similar things happen with family, though not to that extent, and at the end I had to tell them to run their own lives and in a nice way ****. I am having fun and being happy doing all my different sports, my cool job, traveling and writing and I don't need a slobbery mugshot looking oreo eating mountain woman to "make me happy". Thanks but I'm good.
I'm single, happy and I don't need to explain myself.
You're not kidding. I receive the same S-H from my family. Usually my response is, "well, you've chosen your life and I'll choose my life." Don't let them pressure you. Just ignore and do what you need to do. Eventually they might shutup.
Establish and enforce boundaries. You're a grown man. Act like it. "I will not discuss my dating life with you. If I want you to know something about it, I will tell you. Don't ask me about it. Don't discuss me with other people. Don't speculate amongst your friends. We will not be talking unless you can respect these boundaries."
And then carry through with it.
My father-in-law had some issues respecting boundaries the first few years my husband and I were together. He showed up at our house during our honeymoon (part of which we took "at home," ignoring the world for a few days) and let himself in the unlocked front door. Then was shocked we didn't ask him to stay for dinner. Calling us four, five, eight, ten times a day if we didn't return his calls within 15 minutes. Leaving increasingly nasty messages demanding we call him back. Etc. etc. etc.
Finally, I told him off. I told him that until he could learn to respect my husband (and me) as adults (we were both 31 for crying out loud) and leave respectful messages, stop showing up at our house unannounced, stop berating my husband for not calling him back in short order (basically, gave him the list of "don't do these things"), we would not be speaking with him. It took 6 months for him to start toning down the berating messages, and a full year to start respecting ALL the boundaries we laid down.
It's been about 7 years now... and he doesn't pull that garbage with us... he knows if he does, we'll go back to no contact. He hasn't actually changed - he still does the same crap to my brother-in-law and his wife, but that's on them for not laying down the law. He has, however, changed how he interacts with us... because he knows we mean business, and he knows we'll make good on the threat.
My folks( well my dad and his lady friend ) pressure me to the point of harassment about why Im single. In short I am a 30 year old male finishing his MBA and as a dual citizen I am moving back to the USA. I have no interest in dating and no interest in any vancouver women I just want to finish my education sell my condo and leave. I have been telling people this for years. I want focus on my career and devlop myself as a professional mainly for me not for the approval of women Im doing this for myself 100%.
They pressure me so much its insane every couple days they phone and ask me if Im seeing anyone or" whats new and exciting" its like Im being micro managed or under the microscope and they are like lording over me with a clipboard ticking things off. its gotten to the point that they accuse me of being gay, or get angry as to why im single and storm out of the room or think I have "sexual problems" and tell people that orgossip about me. I cant get through a phone call without being harassed non stop it's constant and angry. my dad's girlfriend is like stuck it a "leave- it- to- beaver" sitcom mindset where everything just magically works out happily ever after( she's that nuts) she of course is divorced herself ( go figure) she has a Polly- Anna world view with new age spirtual crap thrown in. she sees the world like a Disney movie
The reality is Im straight I just want to be single. I dont try to pick up women I dont talk to women. I have no interest in anybody. I live alone. Im happy doing my own thing . the pressure they give is intense .lately is they way they accost me is subtle through their questioning. They have such an old fashion mindset
why do people think they are entitled to know everything about everyone else's social life? with all the pressure they give me if I ever decide to date again, I sure as well would never introduce them on account of anything embarassing happening and all this pressure pushes me away even further , but they are too stupid too see it
lets pretend I pick up some woman , why the hell would I tell my dad!? seriously they are the last on my list.I have no interest.I have too many things I want to do with myself ,school, move career, new hobbies I want to surf for example .My mother doesnt really bug me at all she doesnt care
it bothers me all the time and they bother me all the time
what should I do
what would you do?
Stick to your guns.
Let them know directly how you feel.
And that unless they stop pestering you that you will minimize your contact.
Follow through with it.
Its possible that you may need to cut them off completely for a while for them to respect your boundaries.
Just keep steady until something works.
I'd tell them that MY life is MINE and I'll do what I want with it and leave them to do what they want with THEIRS without judgment or imposing YOUR views on THEM!
I'd tell them I am tired of them beating that dead horse to death and consider it a CLOSE subject. Whenever that starts tell them "THIS is a CLOSE subject! If that is all you have to say, this conversation is OVER!" and hang up or get up and leave..
Remember, they keep doing it because they CAN!
It's you life and you don't need to explain it to ANYONE!
OH, they will never, ever stop and it gets old after a while, but they will never change so it's best to just change the subject to something different and ignore it. It'll be hard at first, but there's no other way around it and you'll never hear the end of it for the rest of your living days my friend. NEVER. Then if you do decide to date someone you'll never hear the end of how it's not the right person.
You're not kidding. I receive the same S-H from my family. Usually my response is, "well, you've chosen your life and I'll choose my life." Don't let them pressure you. Just ignore and do what you need to do. Eventually they might shutup.
this is good I like it
atough I was anticpiating that most people would tell them to back off but they dont operate that way .they just bug and harass people it's like the 1950's mentality where if your not paird off you have something wrong with you
You can always tell him that you've been banging every broad you can find, and when you stumble upon one who enjoys your preference for back-door action and can actually handle your tremendous tumescence enough for regular, repeat performances, you'll let him know.
Just saying. Yes, the mature way would be to lay down some boundaries. But I found that when I tried that with my father, he then turned it around like I was being defensive, and of course, that had to be my "conscience" talking.
Eventually, one day he started in with the "when are you going to find a man and have some babies" nonsense and I said, "Okay, I'll go out to the bar tonight and arrange it."
And he never brought it up again. So by all means, try setting boundaries first, but if that doesn't work, you can always fire something obnoxious right back at him.
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