Where is the love? (passive, records, married, men)

[Pikantari]

Yep, I asked him where he was going, and he said he had to keep an appt. I said what appt? He said what business is it of yours? I said the same business that you feel you need to know everywhere I am going.

I said, what, are you going to a lawyer or something? He said yes.

I said, thought you already did that. he says, I did. Then he says, I need to get better educated. i said, thought thats why you went to the other one. He said I did.

So, he is going to a lawyer. I asked where he was getting the money from, he acts like he has nothing. no money in the world to speak of. He said nothing. Got dressed and the kids asked me if we were doing something today. I told them i had to work but Daddy is off. He said i will have my cell, and left.

I know where he is going, have the number and co name, if it is the one he chose. Will give that info to my lawyer, as possible (his) lawyer info. He knows who i go to, because in the beginning, he was going to go in and sign the separation agreement.

This is a much better lawyer than the one he went to before, but also, he takes what he wants out of what people tell him...

Like how last night I had to go down to his level re the tags and insurance.

ugh.

[Pikantari]

He has never been on his own, I have never been on my own. his mother kicked him out in high school and my parents took him in.

We lived there until my Mom passed in 2000, then we moved out, and moved several times.

I don't think he will move w his mother, she is to far from his work, and she lives with his sister. She has no place. In fact, I am thinking, she may move in here.

Most of her drs are on this side of the river, and she could be here to take care of the house, cook, clean, etc.

And if she is here...he could say, well, m,y mother is there, the kids can stay with me, she can get them off to school and off the bus.

That would work good for him, and she drives his sister and BIL up the wall.

I had never thought of the possibility of her moving here....but it makes sense.

[Pikantari]

Off to work, yet again. I feel like since I cannot use my vacation days to be paid with, I should take more than three days next week. Any thoughts? I have plenty that would be left over for court days, and plenty sick time left as well....

[DareToDream]

Robyn - He may very well have his mom come live with him and "take care" of him.....but...in light of the fact that she was one who was involved in trying to basically get you "declared crazy" and there is documentation to prove you are NOT, I don't think it would carry much weight with him saying she's there to get the kids on and off the bus....again - ask your lawyer.

How he pays for his lawyer is his problem, not yours, so don't worry about that.

As for taking the extra days - I say do it! As good as you are going to feel to be free of the bad environment, it has been a stressful period for you - you most likely are going to be emotionally drained. Take the time to get settled in your new place and adjust to it with the kids and to be with them more during the beginning phases of the transition.

[Synopsis]

Hi everyone,
I have been busy but I just caught up with the posts. Robyn, you're doing fantastic! BTW, my time on here from now on will pretty much be limited to specific times of the day due to my schedule, but I will check in from time to time. You're making great progress Robyn, both in terms of what you get done each day (tons of stuff there, you're like a rocket!) and your attitude. You rock! Cheers everyone, and have a great day.

[MsV]

Good morn everybody! Windchimes, great, thoughtful posts as always (can't rep you yet) ~ somehow I'm still stuck on the fact that the good dr "owes" you so much time/$...
Take as much time off as you can to prepare to move, but (as WC says) also take time to get settled in your new place, adjusting to it with the kids. Meet them as they get out of school or off the bus the first day ~
Have McDonald's for an after-school/early dinner celebration! This will be the time for you to begin your own traditions with your young sweeties...to do things your way.
I was "tickled pink" (does anyone say that anymore) as I read how you stood up to TJ's foolish comments. He's lucky he's not married to me. At some point, remind him that the purpose of the separation is not meant to hurt each other, that if he really loved you (& the kids) as he says, he'd be trying to help see that you all make a good, safe transition, not trying to make it difficult. And when he says, "I'm doing this bec I love you and don't want you to go," tell him to look at himself & know that this is not love.
I'm worried about all your family "treasures" you brought to the marriage ~ I think you need to get them out now, and worry about the rest next week.
Thinking of you today, surrounding you with hugs...

[rockky]

Mornin', Robyn!

I can't add much to the above posts. Wow! Such wise people. Still can't rep them though. I'll just ditto getting anything that can't be replaced out now....photos, etc.

Continue to focus on yourself. Any arguments with TJ will only drain you of your positive reserve. They will feel good for the moment, but that will turn quickly when he uses your words against you.

He's seeing an attorney....good. He should. If this goes to a Guardian Ad Litem (adding...... I really don't know all that much about this stuff) it can be expensive. See if all these costs can be added to TJ's fees. Even with a GAL, unless there is true danger to the kids, the courts will probably go 50/50. Then the judge will probably order parenting classes. More costs. Talk to your attorney about this part of custody. He will be able to tell you much more and much better info than I. I'm just tossing it out so you may learn more about it in case the situation arises for you.

I may not be around much for a bit myself. Health issues....I may need to ask you some questions in the near future. Company here for a few days. Just a lot of personal junk.

Stay in touch with that women's support center! They will know about the local laws and how other women in the area have managed.

((((Robyn!))))


Hey......(((((Everybody!!)))))

[pirate girl]

Robyn, don't focus on what he's doing- instead focus on your life. If his mother moves in that's great- but as far as custody goes- she tossed him out on the street when he was still a child so she's definitely not mother of the year material. The more you say, the more I think they're a dysfunctional family.

Keep your children first- keep being the best mom you can be to those kids who need you so much. Good advice was offered here- don't engage in his crap- don't respond to it, don't give him the reaction he seeks. Take the high road- the courts will see that you have done so and will reward you.

And document any problems he creates.

[dreamofmonterey]

Originally Posted by pirate girl

Robyn, don't focus on what he's doing- instead focus on your life. If his mother moves in that's great- but as far as custody goes- she tossed him out on the street when he was still a child so she's definitely not mother of the year material. The more you say, the more I think they're a dysfunctional family.

Keep your children first- keep being the best mom you can be to those kids who need you so much. Good advice was offered here- don't engage in his crap- don't respond to it, don't give him the reaction he seeks. Take the high road- the courts will see that you have done so and will reward you.

And document any problems he creates.

I agree 100% with this advice. As their Mom you are doing the best you can, we all see that- I am sure the court will

And documenting everything is also a great idea- all the verbal abuse he thinks you may have forgotten through the years...


sunny

[Pikantari]

Not a good day... ;(