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Hi Robyn - A few things come to mind when I read your notes....first and foremost, as others have said - make sure someone is with you if Jim will be there when you first move - If at all possible, just take what you and the kids need for the immediate period - and just go. Then, when he is at work or if he's going to be hanging around the house, go back a couple of days later with someone with a truck, or even better, someone with a truck and someone who can lift things and a "police escort" - I lucked out, as my ex worked nights - I took what I needed for a few days, then went back with a couple of "burly guys" and some family members to get the rest of my things when he was working, so I never encountered the ex. I only took clothes, pictures, computer, etc. - furniture I got from the local Salvation Army, as well as dishes, etc.
If Jim DOES have a gun in the house or ready access to one from a friend - make sure you have a "police escort."
Lastly, Jim is using your love for your children as a "tool" for him. He figures if he threatens you enough about taking your children, you will back down and you won't leave. Do NOT fall for that - I believe you said you have been documenting things, you have your journals, you have what you have written here, you have spoken to people in your area, including your pastor - I doubt very much that he would ever be granted full custody of the children - he's using them as "pawns" to his advantage. Your lawyer should be able to help you with the custody issues....but again, do NOT fall for him using the children as leverage. As someone said awhile back, and I agree, I don't think he wants custody of them - they are the way to "get" to you.
Once you are out, Robyn, believe me, your children will be happier and you will be happier - None of you will have to walk on eggshells any more, wondering who will walk through the door, Mr. Jekle or Dr. Hyde. You will be able to make your home one of peace and serenity. Will there be bumps along the way and after? Of course there will be, but the bumps won't feel like the mountains you are climbing now.
Stay strong......we all know you can do it....now you just have to believe you can, and I think deep down, you know that you can......keep focusing on your "house of chimes" <g>............
Robyn, I'm not a lawyer (nor do I portray one on TV ) but I would strongly suggest that you present that horrifying cat story as one of your reasons for requesting a protection order, should you ever feel that one is needed. I truly hope it will not come to that, but am looking at things realistically in light of everything you've told us.
It would also probably help if you were to also gave the court the names of any people (if any) who you told about that sickening incident shortly after it happened, and who would sign an affidavit that they they were told of it at that time rather than only hearing of it nowadays.
Does Jim have any guns in your house at this time, or does he have easy access to any (from a friend)?
I'm sorry to say that the hunting and killing of feral cats (feral = wild) is totally legal in many states. I'm not sure about the state that this happened in, but having that many cats around without being vaccinated is considered by many normal people to be a potentially serious health risk (i.e.- rabies, distemper etc..).
Jim probably felt that once your father died and quit feeding them, they would multiply to the point of starvation, suffer needlessly, or become disease carriers, and eventually hurt too many of the local birds and wildlife.
From the hunter's and wildlife conservationist's perspective, those cats needed to be captured or exterminated.
I don't say any of this lightly either. As the the father of these 2 children, just because young Jim hunted down some feral cats many years ago doesn't mean that he's a threat to anyone or a bad person.
I don't hunt feral cats but I do hunt deer and small game for food as many good men and women and wildlife lovers do, and many people non-hunters don't really understand what wildlife management is all about.
I wouldn't worry at all about Jim's previous feral cat hunting episodes cinderobyn. It sounds like he was just acting like any hunter doing a dirty job because your dad left so many cats behind when he passed. No one should hold that against him, especially so many years later. I don't believe that the police would either.
The cats had names, they were not wild. They came to us. They were not feral cats, and I feed them. They did not starve, and he was raging that day, as he does even still.
he was the father of one child who slept all day long then, and got up at 2 and worked from 4 to midnight. He would come home after work, eat, shower, back to bed til 2 pm the next day and on and on.
He did not care about the well being of anyone, and the cats bothered no one. He cared about him. Young Jim, Just like 34 yo Jim, cares about himself. He was not protecting young Alexander from anything.
he also almost hit me a few nights ago, he is a threat.
I'm sorry to say that the hunting and killing of feral cats (feral = wild) is totally legal in many states. I'm not sure about the state that this happened in, but having that many cats around without being vaccinated is considered by many normal people to be a potentially serious health risk (i.e.- rabies, distemper etc..).
Jim probably felt that once your father died and quit feeding them, they would multiply to the point of starvation, suffer needlessly, or become disease carriers, and eventually hurt too many of the local birds and wildlife.
From the hunter's and wildlife conservationist's perspective, those cats needed to be captured or exterminated.
I don't say any of this lightly either. As the the father of these 2 children, just because young Jim hunted down some feral cats many years ago doesn't mean that he's a threat to anyone or a bad person.
I don't hunt feral cats but I do hunt deer and small game for food as many good men and women and wildlife lovers do, and many people non-hunters don't really understand what wildlife management is all about.
I wouldn't worry at all about Jim's previous feral cat hunting episodes cinderobyn. It sounds like he was just acting like any hunter doing a dirty job because your dad left so many cats behind when he passed. No one should hold that against him, especially so many years later. I don't believe that the police would either.
Sun, always good thought-provoking posts...but just another perspective if I might...
If I moved in with Robyn, saw 20+ cats running around the yards, trying to get in the house, crying for food, etc. etc. I would make it clear to her that the cats would have to go. As strongly as I feel, that situation would not provoke me or most rational people to stampeaed around the yard (cursing) killing them with a shotgun, as my young wife and baby watched. Please, hunters I know would be as insulted by this behavior, as I would be.
having that many cats around without being vaccinated is considered by many normal people to be a serious potential health issue (i.e.- rabies, distemper etc..). ...they would multiply to the point of starvation and suffer needlessly, become disease carriers, and hurt too many of the local birds and wildlife. Oh yes! I agree with all of it!!
Fully agree with this in every way...I would not tolerate it myself...but I would not act like a deranged man with a gun, as Jim did.
Taking care of (whatever that means) family pets (Robyn's F's pets) would not come under the label of "wildlife management." "...those cats needed to be captured or exterminated."
Fully agree...but they can do this more humanely than in the demented way that Jim responded.
I think instead that Robyn indeed DOES need to take this episode into consideration, as a sign of Jim's lack of respect and regard for life...which in turn, are major signs of emotional disturbance. Robyn, please be certain to share this story with your lawyer, so he will use it to the best of his ability to assess what he must do to prevent Jim from getting custody of your children ~ although I don't for a moment think any judge will talk to him and give him children anyway. Just my opinion...
In this particular case, I fall in line with the posters suggesting this was *not* an act of compassion on the part of this 'young man'. This was the action of a control freak who has little regard for other people's sensitivities.
I agree that something had to be done. A sit down with the rest of the family and adult discussion was a way to begin. But, as MsV aptly explained, the action taken was not proper. Did this 'young man' ever stop to consider others...... including the late man's wife? It was her home. Does this man really understand cause and effect? There are consequences for poor choices. Somehow I personally doubt that sort of knowledge is part of his makeup.
In short....ditto Msv...again. btw, I can't give you rep points or reach you via PM.
Rockky, I've been trying to rep you with a message since I got your last one, but they won't let me contact you. As I mentioned earlier, they cut my pm/email/message-storage abilities without any explanation. It is quite inconvenient, since I like to pm people.
As Macrina posted: Does anyone know who the Moderator is, for Relationships? Perhaps you could contact that person...
Truthfully, when they suggest we spread rep around, I think they mean on&off this thread ~ I don't cruise the threads at this time like I used to, so I'm thinking this prevents me from repping each of you too much.
But the pm/email/message-storing issue ~ that was done deliberately with no explanation ~ just looking for someone to talk to about it ~ I tried contacting an anonymous admin, but no response.
Enough about that, hope you are all having a good week. I'm spending it with my little grandchildren ~ so I'm busy but lovin it!! MsV
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) but I would strongly suggest that you present that horrifying cat story as one of your reasons for requesting a protection order, should you ever feel that one is needed. I truly hope it will not come to that, but am looking at things realistically in light of everything you've told us.
