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Old 12-22-2010, 09:34 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
8,912 posts, read 4,469,456 times
Reputation: 12510
Quote:
Originally Posted by nighthouse66 View Post
yeah, it definitely is the formality of it. i am just not that type of chick. i really like things to be natural. it just seems TERRIBLE to put on a dress and heels and be this person that i am not- which the way dating is set up, it seems like you expected to be something you are not. its like, "this is my best, most false face, and i am going to act in ways contrary to my day-to-day manner, and you won't be able to know who is really behind this". i guess what i am referring to is the age-old idea of dates. like, hey, i don't know this person. i am going to take them out and eat with them. and then we can be really uncomfortable together! no, i would really rather hang out with someone, perhaps go on a drive or do something with others, which is sort of like dating undercover. i want to see people in their natural habitats. i don't want them to get all gussied up and be NOT THEMSELVES. i don't want anything to be "forced". i think dating is better when you are in love with someone and you know it and its all on the table. i mean, i love to share a meal with someone i love, get dressed up, go out, all that stuff. but i am with them! i know them! i love them! it makes it fun to see him all dressed up in a tie, which can make you weak in the knees when he doesn't NORMALLY wear a tie. but cologne, sorry, i can't stand cologne, it reminds me of pimps and porn stars.
A date can be ANYTHING. You meet a guy you like, and he likes you, you agree to go out and do SOMETHING in order to get to know each other better. Dinner, biking, surfing... whatever it is that you both want to do.

If your going out, dressing out of the normal, acting different... then that's all you. When they say "how about dinner at fancy restaurant "A", you say "I'm more of hiking chick.... how about that"?
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:37 PM
 
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles del Río de Porciúncula
1,481 posts, read 1,342,155 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
A date can be ANYTHING. You meet a guy you like, and he likes you, you agree to go out and do SOMETHING in order to get to know each other better. Dinner, biking, surfing... whatever it is that you both want to do.

If your going out, dressing out of the normal, acting different... then that's all you. When they say "how about dinner at fancy restaurant "A", you say "I'm more of hiking chick.... how about that"?
fair enough, but again, i would rather just hang out a little with other people and then when we BOTH know we are interested, then we take it from there. you guys are talking about dates as if you are both seeing whether or not you want to hook up. that is too much pressure. i wouldn't want to let anyone down. now, if you already know each other and you know you are hot for each other then my idea of "hanging out" is probably your idea of "dating". when i say dating, i mean, a formal "date" with someone you don't know for the purpose of figuring out if you can be hot for each other. sorry, that sounds like a sharp stick in the eye.
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:38 PM
 
Location: John & Ken-ville
12,715 posts, read 8,520,019 times
Reputation: 8328
I chopped up your post a little hope you don't mind.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nighthouse66 View Post

yeah, it definitely is the formality of it.

i really like things to be natural.

it seems like you expected to be something you are not.

i want to see people in their natural habitats.

i don't want them to get all gussied up and be NOT THEMSELVES.

i don't want anything to be "forced".
O.K. Perfect - you have outlined your criteria for a perfect date.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nighthouse66 View Post
its like, "this is my best, most false face, and i am going to act in ways contrary to my day-to-day manner, and you won't be able to know who is really behind this". i guess what i am referring to is the age-old idea of dates. i don't know this person. i am going to take them out and eat with them.
So getting dressed up to go on a date (first or second or others) is not something you want to do because that part of it is artificial. I agree. It's not your style so why force it. Which is why I say talk to someone for a few weeks before you decide to meet them. Don't waste time on a date that feels uncomfortable, too green, unfamiliar. Have some history, something to talk about when you meet for the first time. Take your time getting to know someone before YOU MEET THEM FACE TO FACE. No matter what kind of "first meeting" you have.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nighthouse66 View Post
no, i would really rather hang out with someone, perhaps go on a drive or do something with others, which is sort of like dating undercover.
And this sounds like a date situation without the fluff. Have you ever just met someone for coffee after a workout or in the afternoon casually? Or maybe for a beer/cocktail/club soda after work?

Dinner dates in the evening sometimes have a different connotation I totally agree.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nighthouse66 View Post
i think dating is better when you are in love with someone and you know it and its all on the table. i mean, i love to share a meal with someone i love, get dressed up, go out, all that stuff. but i am with them! i know them! i love them! it makes it fun to see him all dressed up in a tie, which can make you weak in the knees when he doesn't NORMALLY wear a tie.
O.K. so the dress up part is artificial to you because you're just a casual kinda gal and why put on the dress, makeup and all the fluff for someone who isn't yours and it's not a special occasion i agree.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nighthouse66 View Post
but cologne, sorry, i can't stand cologne, it reminds me of pimps and porn stars.
Haa! I had to giggle at this one. I love cologne on a man, but only if it's subtle and unique.
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:40 PM
 
17,645 posts, read 16,546,966 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nighthouse66 View Post
well, that has been my experience, and that has been what has happened on the only two dates i have ever been on in my life (both in my early twenties). maybe i call it hanging out, and its the same as what you call dating. its different definitions of the same word, like the Sankskrit parable about the elephant in the dark room, and all these people are describing it as different things, and all of them are right. i just don't see how my opinions about dating reflect on who i am as a person, and apparently you feel the need to judge me on that, which is in very poor taste. tolerance for a difference of opinions is one of the many strands in the tapestry of maturity, btw.
FWIW, "judging" is something that everyone does, every single day of their life.
If you post anything on a public forum, then you are going to have to expect to get some feedback...some opinions will be formed based on what you write. Those opinions are nothing more than expressing a judgment.

Judge: to infer, think, or hold as an opinion; conclude about or assess; to make a careful guess about; estimate.
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:43 PM
 
17,645 posts, read 16,546,966 times
Reputation: 17351
Quote:
Originally Posted by nighthouse66 View Post
fair enough, but again, i would rather just hang out a little with other people and then when we BOTH know we are interested, then we take it from there. you guys are talking about dates as if you are both seeing whether or not you want to hook up. that is too much pressure. i wouldn't want to let anyone down. now, if you already know each other and you know you are hot for each other then my idea of "hanging out" is probably your idea of "dating". when i say dating, i mean, a formal "date" with someone you don't know for the purpose of figuring out if you can be hot for each other. sorry, that sounds like a sharp stick in the eye.
Well that just sounds weird. I'm not going out on a date with anyone that I don't find appealing, on some level. Why on earth would anyone?
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:43 PM
 
Location: John & Ken-ville
12,715 posts, read 8,520,019 times
Reputation: 8328
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
FWIW, "judging" is something that everyone does, every single day of their life.
If you post anything on a public forum, then you are going to have to expect to get some feedback...some opinions will be formed based on what you write. Those opinions are nothing more than expressing a judgment.

Judge: to infer, think, or hold as an opinion; conclude about or assess; to make a careful guess about; estimate.
Making daily judgments keeps us alive.


What is a human if they don't make daily judgments about life?

That's what separates us from the other animals on the planet, if we didn't have a brain organized to make judgments gut instinct would rule our world, what kind of world would that be?

(Men would use a club and pound us over our heads and drag us off to their clans).... Been there.. done that!

Nexxxt!
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:44 PM
 
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles del Río de Porciúncula
1,481 posts, read 1,342,155 times
Reputation: 2264
Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyGem View Post
I chopped up your post a little hope you don't mind.



O.K. Perfect - you have outlined your criteria for a perfect date.



So getting dressed up to go on a date (first or second or others) is not something you want to do because that part of it is artificial. I agree. It's not your style so why force it. Which is why I say talk to someone for a few weeks before you decide to meet them. Don't waste time on a date that feels uncomfortable, too green, unfamiliar. Have some history, something to talk about when you meet for the first time. Take your time getting to know someone before YOU MEET THEM FACE TO FACE. No matter what kind of "first meeting" you have.



And this sounds like a date situation without the fluff. Have you ever just met someone for coffee after a workout or in the afternoon casually? Or maybe for a beer/cocktail/club soda after work?

Dinner dates in the evening sometimes have a different connotation I totally agree.



O.K. so the dress up part is artificial to you because you're just a casual kinda gal and why put on the dress, makeup and all the fluff for someone who isn't yours and it's not a special occasion i agree.



Haa! I had to giggle at this one. I love cologne on a man, but only if it's subtle and unique.
thank you! yes, this is it! the formalities, the pressure- i don't mind hanging out with someone that i am not madly in love with, it doesn't have to be set in stone, but i would personally never call it a date, but i guess that really is. and i have gone on lots of what others would call dates but to me its just a no-pressure hangout scenario. like, "hey, we both are into this, lets....."

i mean, i like dressing up, i can only be comfortable doing so when i have something really good going on with the person. then its like a lark, like, "ha! we are LOOKING GOOD BABE! this is hilarious!" its outside of the norm. its not like a job interview.

i think i hate cologne because i have a very strong sense of smell. i am constantly finding scents in the air that no one else smells. maybe i am insane (ha) but i do pick up all sorts of undertones, and the natural smell of a man..... every man smells different and nothing i like more than burying my face in his neck and taking a big fat whiff of his natural smell- instead of Drakkar Noir or whatever it is that pimps and stockbrokers are wearing nowadays clean warm man skin is WAYYYYYYY better!
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:48 PM
 
Location: John & Ken-ville
12,715 posts, read 8,520,019 times
Reputation: 8328
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I was married in the past, and am now in an exclusive relationship with a wonderful guy.

My thought is that the views of dating that are being expressed here, are based on very odd premises. Night has this view that people get "all gussied up" to pretend to be someone they are not. Where on earth she gets this notion is beyond me. That has never been my experience. I think that if she was able to experience a date as most of the rest of us do, then she wouldn't have such a phobia. But that is for her to figure out, not me.
I totally agree!

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Old 12-22-2010, 09:50 PM
 
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles del Río de Porciúncula
1,481 posts, read 1,342,155 times
Reputation: 2264
judging to me is taking something someone expresses, i.e., an opinion, a like or dislike, etc., and inferring other things about their personality without the benefit of the whole picture. which is what you did. because i didn't like to date, then i was socially inept and i had some growing up to do. if i found out someone didn't drink coffee, i wouldn't assume anything else about them except that they didn't like coffee. i certainly wouldn't judge someone as spineless and void of self esteem if they wanted to just go on lots of dates with strangers. i don't take personal jibes against people out of context, and make sweeping statements about their maturity level and their social ineptitude. you even rolled your eyes when i made statements to prove you wrong. very rude, very small, very immature, and not in the realm of a healthy debate about a topic. no need to get personal, but you did, and yes, that is in poor taste, and this is boring me, and beneath me. back to dating!! and its loathsomeness for some of us!
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:51 PM
 
17,645 posts, read 16,546,966 times
Reputation: 17351
Quote:
Originally Posted by nighthouse66 View Post
judging to me is taking something someone expresses, i.e., an opinion, a like or dislike, etc., and inferring other things about their personality without the benefit of the whole picture. which is what you did. because i didn't like to date, then i was socially inept and i had some growing up to do. if i found out someone didn't drink coffee, i wouldn't assume anything else about them except that they didn't like coffee. i certainly wouldn't judge someone as spineless and void of self esteem if they wanted to just go on lots of dates with strangers. i don't take personal jibes against people out of context, and make sweeping statements about their maturity level and their social ineptitude. you even rolled your eyes when i made statements to prove you wrong. very rude, very small, very immature, and not in the realm of a healthy debate about a topic. no need to get personal, but you did, and yes, that is in poor taste, and this is boring me, and beneath me. back to dating!! and its loathsomeness for some of us!


Yup. I just rolled my eyes. Again.
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