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I'm getting a judgemental vibe from this post. But let's be honest. We're all a little selfish. We settle for the best person we think we can get. All other things being equal, we'd all rather be with someone who didn't have kids from a previous relationship. And those who have kids from previous relationships want/hope others won't mind they have kids with someone else....but of course, it's in their self interest to want that.
Love is the ideal, but practical real life considerations necessarily collide with that idealism....as none of us really loves unconditionally.
Yes - I don't understand the judgemental tone so many take on this issue. If someone isn't crazy about kids or doesn't believe himself to be step-father material, isn't a knight in shining armor just looking for damsels in distress to rescue, it doesn't mean he's a bad guy at all.
Same with men who don't want to date the woman with 45 cats. It's about compatibility, having things in common. Wanting a partner with similar interests.
It's better to be honest about one's needs than to think children could never be an issue later on.
Men get scared - the best thing to do is the actually take the time to get to know the woman first before running away with their tail tucked between their legs. Chances are, there are women who conduct their lives the same way I did.
Well here's the thing. It goes back to all of us being a little selfish. The men who are good looking, make a lot of money, and who are not jerks (and even many who are), are probably going to look for a woman without kids first.
I get that there are single moms out there who make the best of their situations and don't expect some man to bail them and their kids out. But kids and ex-husbands make a situation more complicated even in the best case scenario. And a lot of men don't like complications if they can avoid them.
Last edited by mysticaltyger; 12-29-2010 at 01:31 PM..
The single mother is almost standard now. I'm 29 at it seems like every woman I have a shot with at are single mothers. It's not all bad. Not all kids are devils. I won't deny myself something meaningful because she has a child. The way I look at it, if something blossoms, perhaps I could offer the child something he/she does not have.
The dating scene is quite depressing for men over 25 seeking women without kids. Single females without children usually aren't much to look at, and if they are, there's usually a few screws loose or some nasty baggage. The ones who are decent looking & have things together are usually snapped up pretty quick. If you're willing to put up with children, you could probably find some decent looking ladies. Of course, the reason they're available is because a lot of men won't take that chance. I wish things weren't so predictable at times.
Why do people assume, if a women has multiple kids, she poor. Maybe she's trash or ghetto.
What if, she's divorced.
What if, she's a widow.
What if, her hubs ran off.
I agree with this. Not all single mothers are ghetto or poor. I hate stereotypes. I do not have kids but I do know that when you have one it changes things. To those without children, kids look like "baggage". To a parent, a child is a gift even if it wasn't planned. For those who don't want to date someone with children then don't worry because they don't want to date you either. I could not imagine someone wanting to date a person who views their children as "baggage".
And need I reinforce, not all single mothers are trash or poor. Single mothers own houses, hold great jobs, they drive nice cars, and they provide for their family. Hell, they may not even receive child support but they can still hold down a household. They do not need a man to "save" them from distress. Times may get tight and times may get tough but I doubt many great single mothers out there would give into being "rescued".
I hope you don't end up with any of them, because, with that attitude, you would be a terrible step-father . . . I would feel sorry for the kids. Just have cards printed that say, "Only childless women need apply."
Yeah and either learn to spell or type better, too!! P.S., I'm 41 with one kid and wouldn't date you if you paid me. Btw, I own my own house and car and have two good jobs. I don't need you or anyone else thank you to be my son's "baby daddy." First of all, he's 13, secondly, he has a father. I would be the one with sucker written all over MY forehead. Got more to offer than most single women I know with or without kids, and guys too. And my looks didn't go to hell in a handbasket like some of the guys I met that I was surprised to find were younger than me. I would've pegged them for 50 when they were 37, 38!!
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