Should I stay or should I go? How do I know?

[mysticaltyger]

Originally Posted by OngletNYC

One think I'd like to point out is that if you think you are going to find a "soul mate" out there who will have all of his qualities plus will inspire lust in you too, you will most likely be disappointed. My age group (I am 40) is riddled with women who have never been married, want to have children, and are highly disappointed with the men who are available to them at that age.

Something better may not come along.

If you are pretty sure that marriage and children will never be important to you, then by all means dump him. If those are things that you do want, bear in mind that the number of years that you have left to pick and choose are drawing to a close. Go to a blog frequented by single women in their 30s and 40s such as Evan Marc Katz - Dating Coach and read the comments about not being able to find a decent man on some of the threads. That will probably be your future.

I usually agree with you, but not this time. Passion is one of the 5 ingredients that's important for a good marriage. He doesn't have to be a "10" in the passion department, but if he's not a passing grade, she should move on.

And I wish people wouldn't be so harsh on the OP. A lot of people don't really know about the 5 ingredients that go into what we call "chemistry". People tend to put too much emphasis on one or two of the categories (epassion/love and money/security being the most common), but not all 5. They've found all 5 aspects of chemistry need to receive a passing grade for both parties for there to be a good relationship for the long term.

The book below talks about the 5 aspects of chemistry. I think it should be required reading for high school graduation:

Amazon.com: Is He Mr. Right?: Everything You Need to Know Before You Commit: Mira Kirshenbaum: Books

I also don't think a woman should just grab any guy to have a baby. It would be better not to have a child than for a child to be born to parents who are not happily married and end up divorcing a few years down the road.

[OngletNYC]

Originally Posted by mysticaltyger

I usually agree with you, but not this time. Passion is one of the 5 ingredients that's important for a good marriage. He doesn't have to be a "10" in the passion department, but if he's not a passing grade, she should move on.

And I wish people wouldn't be so harsh on the OP. A lot of people don't really know about the 5 ingredients that go into what we call "chemistry". People tend to put too much emphasis on one or two of the categories (epassion/love and money/security being the most common), but not all 5. They've found all 5 aspects of chemistry need to receive a passing grade for both parties for there to be a good relationship for the long term.

The book below talks about the 5 aspects of chemistry. I think it should be required reading for high school graduation:

Amazon.com: Is He Mr. Right?: Everything You Need to Know Before You Commit: Mira Kirshenbaum: Books

Passion is one of the first things to go in a marriage. Relying on it is a sure-fire recipe for divorce. And really our modern, western marriages based on chemistry fail at a higher rate than that of other societies, so I'm not sold on the concept.

I also don't think a woman should just grab any guy to have a baby. It would be better not to have a child than for a child to be born to parents who are not happily married and end up divorcing a few years down the road.

That is an intensely personal decision. It really isn't up to you, beyond how you decide to live your own life.