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New poster. Don't feel right talking about this with my "real" friends who know us both, but am interested in opinions of those older/wiser (or not).
Early 30s F.
Boyfriend of 3+ yrs is ready to get married, I think I'm not, he is willing to wait but I don't want to waste his time or string him along. He's a good guy and it isn't his fault that I've had trouble deciding what is important to me, and I feel terrible that he is willing to give up his wants (marriage, kids, etc.) to wait on me.
He's very kind, loyal, devoted. I trust him completely. I have a very time consuming hobby/side business that he has been very supportive of. He always makes time for us to spend together, is romantic, thoughtful, and 100% committed to us.
The issue: My feelings are more platonic, which I think stems as much from lack of intellectual/emotional connection as physical. He's not a talker (not anti-social, but prefers TV/movies to conversation), not interested in any of the causes I am passionate about (which is ok), doesn't follow politics at all, not into physical activity as I am etc., will talk about reality TV/sports some. We don't have a lot of physical chemistry but we do care a lot about each other.
We get along fine, we don't fight. I know if we got married it would be the same. But at the same time, I don't feel that strong connection to him, definitely not a soulmate or an object of lust. But then I assume that fades over time in all marriages?
My other relationships have been more passionate, but less stable, and we never realistically considered marriage.
I am curious if others have married or not married a person they had a similar relationship with, and how they felt about their decision.
New poster. Don't feel right talking about this with my "real" friends who know us both, but am interested in opinions of those older/wiser (or not).
Early 30s F.
Boyfriend of 3+ yrs is ready to get married, I think I'm not, he is willing to wait but I don't want to waste his time or string him along. He's a good guy and it isn't his fault that I've had trouble deciding what is important to me, and I feel terrible that he is willing to give up his wants (marriage, kids, etc.) to wait on me.
He's very kind, loyal, devoted. I trust him completely. I have a very time consuming hobby/side business that he has been very supportive of. He always makes time for us to spend together, is romantic, thoughtful, and 100% committed to us.
The issue: My feelings are more platonic, which I think stems as much from lack of intellectual/emotional connection as physical. He's not a talker (not anti-social, but prefers TV/movies to conversation), not interested in any of the causes I am passionate about (which is ok), doesn't follow politics at all, not into physical activity as I am etc., will talk about reality TV/sports some. We don't have a lot of physical chemistry but we do care a lot about each other.
We get along fine, we don't fight. I know if we got married it would be the same. But at the same time, I don't feel that strong connection to him, definitely not a soulmate or an object of lust. But then I assume that fades over time in all marriages?
My other relationships have been more passionate, but less stable, and we never realistically considered marriage.
I am curious if others have married or not married a person they had a similar relationship with, and how they felt about their decision.
Thank you so much.
You owe it to yourself and him to GO!!!!! I can't stress this enough!!!!!
New poster. Don't feel right talking about this with my "real" friends who know us both, but am interested in opinions of those older/wiser (or not).
Early 30s F.
Boyfriend of 3+ yrs is ready to get married, I think I'm not, he is willing to wait but I don't want to waste his time or string him along. He's a good guy and it isn't his fault that I've had trouble deciding what is important to me, and I feel terrible that he is willing to give up his wants (marriage, kids, etc.) to wait on me.
He's very kind, loyal, devoted. I trust him completely. I have a very time consuming hobby/side business that he has been very supportive of. He always makes time for us to spend together, is romantic, thoughtful, and 100% committed to us.
The issue: My feelings are more platonic, which I think stems as much from lack of intellectual/emotional connection as physical. He's not a talker (not anti-social, but prefers TV/movies to conversation), not interested in any of the causes I am passionate about (which is ok), doesn't follow politics at all, not into physical activity as I am etc., will talk about reality TV/sports some. We don't have a lot of physical chemistry but we do care a lot about each other.
We get along fine, we don't fight. I know if we got married it would be the same. But at the same time, I don't feel that strong connection to him, definitely not a soulmate or an object of lust. But then I assume that fades over time in all marriages?
My other relationships have been more passionate, but less stable, and we never realistically considered marriage.
I am curious if others have married or not married a person they had a similar relationship with, and how they felt about their decision.
Thank you so much.
WHY then did you waste this nice guy's time! Really, if you're not compatible and you always knew that, why string him along? To be fair to him, I think you should break up.
I was in a similar situation but am only 23. If I may provide my perspective. Through family connections, was set up with a guy. Got along with him very well, just like your situation. Not much chemistry, conversations weren't particularly stimulating... but I feel like he's a good friend. I don't think the friendship will ever evolve into anything more, though my family really likes him a lot.
While friendship is a necessary component in LTR/marriage, I find myself unable to turn friendship into love. Sure lust fades over time in all marriages, but it's nice to look back and think about how it was once there. People fall out of love too... but it's nice to have that memory of being so much in love when getting married.
New poster. Don't feel right talking about this with my "real" friends who know us both, but am interested in opinions of those older/wiser (or not).
Early 30s F.
Boyfriend of 3+ yrs is ready to get married, I think I'm not, he is willing to wait but I don't want to waste his time or string him along. He's a good guy and it isn't his fault that I've had trouble deciding what is important to me, and I feel terrible that he is willing to give up his wants (marriage, kids, etc.) to wait on me.
He's very kind, loyal, devoted. I trust him completely. I have a very time consuming hobby/side business that he has been very supportive of. He always makes time for us to spend together, is romantic, thoughtful, and 100% committed to us.
The issue: My feelings are more platonic, which I think stems as much from lack of intellectual/emotional connection as physical. He's not a talker (not anti-social, but prefers TV/movies to conversation), not interested in any of the causes I am passionate about (which is ok), doesn't follow politics at all, not into physical activity as I am etc., will talk about reality TV/sports some. We don't have a lot of physical chemistry but we do care a lot about each other.
We get along fine, we don't fight. I know if we got married it would be the same. But at the same time, I don't feel that strong connection to him, definitely not a soulmate or an object of lust. But then I assume that fades over time in all marriages?
My other relationships have been more passionate, but less stable, and we never realistically considered marriage.
I am curious if others have married or not married a person they had a similar relationship with, and how they felt about their decision.
Thank you so much.
well i think everyone has pretty much given you your answer. if you don't have passion you will not have a happy and fulfilling marriage. END IT.
One think I'd like to point out is that if you think you are going to find a "soul mate" out there who will have all of his qualities plus will inspire lust in you too, you will most likely be disappointed. My age group (I am 40) is riddled with women who have never been married, want to have children, and are highly disappointed with the men who are available to them at that age.
Something better may not come along.
If you are pretty sure that marriage and children will never be important to you, then by all means dump him. If those are things that you do want, bear in mind that the number of years that you have left to pick and choose are drawing to a close. Go to a blog frequented by single women in their 30s and 40s such as Evan Marc Katz - Dating Coach and read the comments about not being able to find a decent man on some of the threads. That will probably be your future.
New poster. Don't feel right talking about this with my "real" friends who know us both, but am interested in opinions of those older/wiser (or not).
Early 30s F.
Boyfriend of 3+ yrs is ready to get married, I think I'm not, he is willing to wait but I don't want to waste his time or string him along. He's a good guy and it isn't his fault that I've had trouble deciding what is important to me, and I feel terrible that he is willing to give up his wants (marriage, kids, etc.) to wait on me.
He's very kind, loyal, devoted. I trust him completely. I have a very time consuming hobby/side business that he has been very supportive of. He always makes time for us to spend together, is romantic, thoughtful, and 100% committed to us.
The issue: My feelings are more platonic, which I think stems as much from lack of intellectual/emotional connection as physical. He's not a talker (not anti-social, but prefers TV/movies to conversation), not interested in any of the causes I am passionate about (which is ok), doesn't follow politics at all, not into physical activity as I am etc., will talk about reality TV/sports some. We don't have a lot of physical chemistry but we do care a lot about each other.
We get along fine, we don't fight. I know if we got married it would be the same. But at the same time,
My other relationships have been more passionate, but less stable, and we never realistically considered marriage.
I am curious if others have married or not married a person they had a similar relationship with, and how they felt about their decision.
Thank you so much.
Quote:
I don't feel that strong connection to him, definitely not a soulmate or an object of lust. But then I assume that fades over time in all marriages?
You're kidding me right? You can't treat someone so nonchalantly and then decide he's not your cup of tea. Unbelievable. Why did you waste his time and yours? P.S. In a GOOD MARRIAGE no it doesn't fade over time, it gets stronger over time. Believe that.
Why on earth would you spend 3 years with a guy, basically stringing him along as if you're committed to him, and now that he's asked you to marry him, you're ambivalent? Oh yes, you did string him along.
You wasted his time.
You wasted your time.
It's time for you to come clean with him.
Honestly I don't know how you could turn this guy down. It's not like you were looking for anyone else in the last 3 years, you led him on to believe you were as interested in him as he was in you. Three years is a long time to spend with someone and not get married (if that's what you ever want to do - maybe you don't want to get married). You just now decided that there's no chemistry and now you don't know how to break it to him?
You will probably break up with him and live to regret it.
Honestly he sounds like a great guy, you're not ready for him.
Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
An’ if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know!
Should I cool it or should I blow?
Jonathan
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Both Should Run Away From Each Other!!!
