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Some people don't believe in marraige because they believe it contradicts our natural attractions to others.
Well, um, of course it works against our natural attractions. It's supposed to. That's part of the reason for it. Societies quickly descend into chaos if everyone just jumps in bed with whoever they're attracted to.
What comes naturally to most of us is stuff like overeating, using drugs and alcohol to make ourselves feel better, having sex with whoever we want without using birth control, using violence to dominate and feel superior to others, etc. Marriage is one of many social institutions that helps us to tame our base instincts.
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Originally Posted by dhanu86
If it's wrong to be attracted to someone else besides your spouse, then theoretically you shouldn't be married. Is there anyone who can honestly say they aren't attracted to anyone else beside their spouse? Even a little? Even if it doesn't nearly amount to the attraction you have for your spouse?
I don't think it's wrong to be attracted to others. That doesn't mean it's a good idea to act on it, though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dhanu86
Do you think happy life-long marraiges will become a rarer thing in the future? Today there are many divorces, unlike decades before.
Why do or don't you believe in marraige?
by the way I am in love with someone if you're wondering
We have a lot of divorces because in Western culture we base marriage too heavily on attraction and not enough on other practical things. I'm not saying attraction doesn't matter, but it is never, ever, enough, all by itself. But we are brainwashed by movies & TV to believe being attracted to or in love with someone else is enough. It isn't.
You might want to read:
Is He Mr. Right? if you want to learn about the 5 aspects of chemistry that make a person right for you. A very practical book. Written for straight women, but 90% applicable for men as well as gays and lesbians.
I also like what Elizabeth Gilgert, the author of Committed had to say on the subject in an interview with CNN. In the book, she studied marriage in different cultures and came to this conclusion:
.....If you look at the history of marriage, anytime you see a conservative culture of arranged marriage being replaced by a more liberal culture of romantic marriage ... you will see divorce rates start to rise immediately.
It turns out that love is a very fragile notion upon which to base a very important and complicated institution.I think most people throughout history would look at the way we choose our marriages today and just think, my God, these people took huge risks. They risk their future, financial stability, property and their heirs on something as fragile and delicate as romantic affection.
It's not that that necessarily means that I advocate a return to arranged marriage, it just helps put in perspective why contemporary western marital arrangements can become so chaotic.
I would have to agree with just about 99% of these answers. I can't say anything that hasn't been said before on this thread. The only thing I can add, is "personal influence". Thanks to my Mother, I have a very bad role model on what "marriage" is. I think she enters relationships on a whim and doesn't take them seriously. My Mother was married 5 times before I was 13 yrs old. And that does not include all of her many relationships in between those breakups and vows. She's miserable being married and she's miserable if she's not.
As of tomorrow in fact, her and my step-dad have been married for 24 yrs and I think they almost hate each other. So, do I not believe in marriage? I guess I'd have to find out what the word "marriage" really means in order to answer that. Personally, I don't understand the concept of it. I gave it a try once and it didn't work for me. All I know is that I don't want to be miserable like my Mother is. BTW, my step-dad is a very good man and my mother treats him like crap. I think they've stayed married all of these years because they're too old to get a divorce.
For everyones info on this Thread, wife and I have been married twice before and that sure didn't stop either of us from wanting to be married again. We both made a couple of mistakes, but that sure doesn't mean that we don't believe in marriage or were afraid of it. Our Christian spirituality definitely helps us in our marriage, that Faith and Belief that neither of us had in our previous marriages. One of the major things involved with marriage is sharing, banking account and all........something that many in the younger generation simple don't want to do or have done with the wrong person.
For us, our marriage is very happy. We have our little spats, but that is a part of marriage as well. It's the "making up" with an "I'm sorry, I love you" and the hug/kiss to follow that that is simply WONDERFUL!
As stated in another post, we are in our early 60's and been married for 10 yrs this Thursday.
For everyones info on this Thread, wife and I have been married twice before and that sure didn't stop either of us from wanting to be married again. We both made a couple of mistakes, but that sure doesn't mean that we don't believe in marriage or were afraid of it. Our Christian spirituality definitely helps us in our marriage, that Faith and Belief that neither of us had in our previous marriages. One of the major things involved with marriage is sharing, banking account and all........something that many in the younger generation simple don't want to do or have done with the wrong person.
For us, our marriage is very happy. We have our little spats, but that is a part of marriage as well. It's the "making up" with an "I'm sorry, I love you" and the hug/kiss to follow that that is simply WONDERFUL!
As stated in another post, we are in our early 60's and been married for 10 yrs this Thursday.
What works for you works for you.
My parents are in their mid 50's and have been married for 27 years. They dont however share bank accounts, stocks, etc. They have health care independent of one another and most everything financial is kept separate.
I admire their marriage and how it runs but I don't need to take someone else's name or the title of wife to still obtain the things you spoke about in your post. And that is what works for me.
mysticaltyger, you make some interesting points. Some I agree with, some I do not. I do not think marriage is needed to work against our natural inclinations. Rather, I think our natural inclinations should be embraced but directed.
Anyway, I think marriage as it exists is deeply flawed and based on wrong premises. Unfortunately, it is so widespread and entrenched culturally it won't easily be changed. Models based on matrilineal inheritance, for instance, seem to make much more sense.
Since you seem to have read and studied some of the issues, I highly recommend "Sex At Dawn: The prehistoric origins of modern sexuality". I found it to be very enlightening and changed some of my preconceived ideas.
Marriage is becoming obsolete.
Do I 'believe in it'?
Guess so...I've been to lots of weddings. They didn't seem staged. Well...most of them.
Have I ever met anyone...any couple where I have thought, "Oh, I wish to have a relationship like that!" Nope.
We won't agree with this, but won't disagree either. Just done a little Internet research on how many couples get married each year and it is around 2 million. Less than it use to be, but still 2,000,000!
Bottom line is this......don't believe in marriage, simply never get married again or at all! Only thing is, not every man and woman believe in "living together" forever either.
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Originally Posted by stan4
Marriage is becoming obsolete.Do I 'believe in it'?
Guess so...I've been to lots of weddings. They didn't seem staged. Well...most of them.
Have I ever met anyone...any couple where I have thought, "Oh, I wish to have a relationship like that!" Nope.
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Personally, I don't understand the concept of it. I gave it a try once and it didn't work for me. All I know is that I don't want to be miserable like my Mother is. BTW, my step-dad is a very good man and my mother treats him like crap. I think they've stayed married all of these years because they're too old to get a divorce. 
