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I don't know if you can ever be 100% certain about people, and maybe this is just a man/woman thing, but my female friends and I talk about our relationships with each other fairly honestly ("what did he say?" "what did you do that for?" etc.) Besides, these women are my friends. I know them, what they want, how they act, what their personalities are like. They may finesse things in their favor, but they're not just strangers off the street.
I'd say the same for me. I'm also the type to have a few really close friends rather than a whole group of friends that I'm not as close with. So perhaps I do choose to surround myself with people that are somewhat similar to me. I don't know that I'd be friends with the kind of people that maybe some of the guys here are describing. My closest friends and I basically tell each other everything. This used to bug my husband - then he just gave up!
Can I just say that this is true and it happened to me too? I call them Jerks in disguise. At first, they act like they care about you and want to show you the world. After that, they could careless and don't give a crap about you. I was stupid then. I won't be stupid now. I live. I learn. I move on.
Can I just say that this is true and it happened to me too? I call them Jerks in disguise. At first, they act like they care about you and want to show you the world. After that, they could careless and don't give a crap about you. I was stupid then. I won't be stupid now. I live. I learn. I move on.
I feel sad for some of the people here who have been wronged, men or women. Not all men are bad, there are those who have honor and respect. Equally I believe there are such women and I refuse to believe anything else. Don't stop believing!
I feel sad for some of the people here who have been wronged, men or women. Not all men are bad, there are those who have honor and respect. Equally I believe there are such women and I refuse to believe anything else. Don't stop believing!
I was naïve back then. I don't know everything about relationships, but I do know this much: I do not want to be with that kind of person.
To answer your question, I don't think the issue is changing priorities. I think the issue is changing the type of person chosen for dating vs. the type chosen for marriage, children, and/or help with her existing children.
In my main example, I believe these guys would have less of a complaint if they weren't meeting so many women who dated jerks in their youth (while rejecting decent guys) and then want the decent guys once they are ready for marriage and family (or for someone to help raise the kids they created with the jerks). It's not difficult to discover one's past dating choices in a conversation, especially when they use "bad ex's" as a goal to make themselves look better (or as a victim). In the end, they reveal their own bad choices.
Like others have noted in this thread, I don't come across this kind of stuff offline. I see plenty of it here from both men and women, but the way I figure it the net is the place to complain, so the squeaky wheel has his/her podium. Further, I really don't think most guys are jerks. I have a hard time discounting my personal experience and ime a vast majority of men that I've known have been pretty great. Again, that's not to say people don't make mistakes, or can be selfish at times or reckless, but in the end most men want to be loved, appreciated, and respected just like women. And that's exactly what I've seen if even some experience growing pains.
As other posters have noted, I buy into the common denominator pov. If all these people are mostly meeting wanting, or even broken, individuals, all hailing from their own social circles, then what's to be done? As my mom says, birds of a feather. And I have a hard time believing that I live in some super bubble completely sheltered from all the asshats that make up a majority of men.
Braunwyn, in a way you do live in a "super bubble" working in bio-tech, and probably living among the people you work with. Same for me in nuclear.
The people we think of as "not the sharpest tool in the shed" are only dull in comparison to the other "tools" in *our* sheds - when you get out into the true general public, which people in industries like ours typically don't do very often - you see the "asshats" all over. They are simply not very bright, and this spills over into their work lives, love lives, etc. etc.
Is it really to do with the quality of the men out there or are they simply too picky, holding out for something which does not exist or is so rare in real life? Their criteria often sounds simple enough: someone caring, kind, funny, smart blah blah, these traits aren't exactly rare, yet women complain they can't find Mr. Right or even get a decent date. Fellas, doesn't that annoy you somewhat? They complain because out of the dozens of suitors none meets their lofty standards (or rather, they ***** and moan about the last three when they knew they were getting themselves into ) while a lot of guys can't even find a woman to be abusive to him? lol
Or maybe the other answer, that what you see on TV isn't a real reflection on real life, and is full of women who think they don't really need men, yet constantly whine and complain that they can't find that special someone.
I guess the answer to your inital question can be varied, but, overall...i think theres truth to women not being able to find a decent Man in todays culture. The Culture today grooms Men of all ages (even boys) to be self centered getting thier needs met (especially sexually) thru using a woman then moving onto the next female genital quest leaving behind alot of pain for women in the process. This is true of nearly all men today because they are culture-followers ...that is, they adapt to whatever the culture teaches regardless of whether its right or wrong ..and its always wrong stuff that our culture cranks out. A decent womans best bet is going to find a decent man who has a high degree of morality and integrity , at a good local Church because the Man feels a sense of ultimate accountability toward God which tends to drift over into people relationships. But to many women, they disenguously have a stereotype regarding a Godly Man who loves church as possibly wimpy, no fun, boring, dull, and too quiet for their liking ; yet its a Godly Man that every Woman NEEDS because they generally have a high moral oughtness, good self esteem, are willing to say 'no' to an out of control Culture , and treats others with respect and worth because they know that women were made in the image of the Creator also. Now, im not saying that all Church Males are above board because our culture has brainwashed many of them, but, your chances are going to be much better than trying to find a nice guy at a local bar thats known for its pick-up appeal . So my advice to single women, is first to make sure YOURE a decent woman thats a cut above the average female today, then to frequent Church on a Sunday and definetly Church Adult SIngles Ministries at a few larger local churches.
Forget the desire for the proverbial 'bad-boy' Male...because they are woefully lacking in what you really need in a proper and decent Man. In fact, the bad-boy types are nothing but Decent Men need-be's but dont wanna-be . Nothing but rebellious zealots who will find a way of getting YOU in trouble along with them.
I guess the answer to your inital question can be varied, but, overall...i think theres truth to women not being able to find a decent Man in todays culture. The Culture today grooms Men of all ages (even boys) to be self centered getting thier needs met (especially sexually) thru using a woman then moving onto the next female genital quest leaving behind alot of pain for women in the process. This is true of nearly all men today because they are culture-followers ...that is, they adapt to whatever the culture teaches regardless of whether its right or wrong ..and its always wrong stuff that our culture cranks out. A decent womans best bet is going to find a decent man who has a high degree of morality and integrity , at a good local Church because the Man feels a sense of ultimate accountability toward God which tends to drift over into people relationships. But to many women, they disenguously have a stereotype regarding a Godly Man who loves church as possibly wimpy, no fun, boring, dull, and too quiet for their liking ; yet its a Godly Man that every Woman NEEDS because they generally have a high moral oughtness, good self esteem, are willing to say 'no' to an out of control Culture , and treats others with respect and worth because they know that women were made in the image of the Creator also. Now, im not saying that all Church Males are above board because our culture has brainwashed many of them, but, your chances are going to be much better than trying to find a nice guy at a local bar thats known for its pick-up appeal . So my advice to single women, is first to make sure YOURE a decent woman thats a cut above the average female today, then to frequent Church on a Sunday and definetly Church Adult SIngles Ministries at a few larger local churches.
Forget the desire for the proverbial 'bad-boy' Male...because they are woefully lacking in what you really need in a proper and decent Man. In fact, the bad-boy types are nothing but Decent Men need-be's but dont wanna-be . Nothing but rebellious zealots who will find a way of getting YOU in trouble along with them.
And if the woman is a non believer or doesnt subscribe to christian doctrine? Ive know religious men who have beaten their wives and children, gamble, cheat and sleep around but still go to church faithfully once or twice a week. a good friend recently left her abusive god fearing husband because he beat their son.
Going to church doesnt make you any more moral than anyone else, nor does it inherently make you a better partner.
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) while a lot of guys can't even find a woman to be abusive to him? lol
