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Neither one of us has cheated, we know how to settle and work through arguments, and we both very much love each other, but - I sort of feel like we both grew up and became different people, becoming less compatible along the way. The friendship our relationship was based on is pretty much gone and I don't know if it can go back.
The current big issue for me is the thought of having a child away from my family, but near hers. Our families are about 1,200 miles apart, and earlier this year we ended up buying a house near hers (but again, away from mine). My wifes younger sister has a 2 year old child, and every time I see it interacting with my wifes parents, I feel terrible and like I'm robbing my parents of having that relationship and those moments. I already feel that her father doesn't respect or think much of me (see previous post), and her mother is not a very likeable person, even based on my wife, sisters, and my wifes father admission. I gave her mother a chance, but based on the mothers actions - I see exactly what they mean. She is manipulative, emotionally unstable, puts others down to lift herself up, and when I saw her making fun of her fiances 15 year old behind his back because he asked for something to eat - my stomach just dropped. When she handed the 2 year old child a baby chick, and laughed while he was holding it and squeezing and the chick was crying out, I looked on in shock until the childs mother took it away. When we were over for dinner, and she belittled and continually tried to embarrass her fiance in front of us - I was pissed off. This is a man who is worlds above what she deserves.
We get along great, both love each other, but we're more room mates at this point. We use to go out for drinks, but that stopped. She claims it's because I ate too fast and got annoyed with her, but I don't remember that happening. In fact, since we moved here (late January) I've been pushing to go out and eat and get drinks at a nearby restaurant like old times - yet I'm always shot down and it never happens...until her dad decides to take her and her sisters together, leaving me alone at the house.
Part of me feels like "going out" is over with at the age of 25, and that any fix we do is just a band aide and will result in us dragging things out even further. I think the marriage was good for it's time, resulted in us both getting a good start with our careers, a house together, and that it may be best to end it with good feelings before children enter the picture.
But at the same time - we both very much love each other and can work very well together. When we're good together, we're very good. It's as if my strengths are her weakness and her's are mine. Even when I'm the most depressed and thinking we need to end it - I get sad thinking how much I would miss her and that I would miss out on key events in her life.
So I'm incredibly conflicted. Whatever decision I make I know I'm going to have regrets - what do you guys think?
Edit -
We're not planning to have children right now, as we don't want to bring a child into this.
I'm not sure you've really given the marriage a chance. In the vows there is something about leaving father and mother and you haven't left her parents, you're too close to them. Her mother is manipulative even by your wife's admission so what better reason then to relocate to some place and at least be on neutral ground. Maybe midway between the two families or somewhere else altogether.
It doesn't sound like your problem is really between yourself and your wife but between yourself and her family, particularly her parents. At least try divorcing them first and then see how it goes. In fact it sounds like you and your wife have a fairly good relationship, and it may be hard to replace that.
For some reason, I'm not feeling that you're ready for a child anyways.When you DO have a child I hope it's for you...not to please your mom, or anyone else.Your having a child should have nothing to do with how other people behave around, or parent their children......your story is kinda sad because you first say the friendship with your wife is gone, and then later you say you both really love each other and can work very well together.......maybe you should find a third party(councilor) to help you sort it all out.....it sounds like something you could overcome....good luck !
Like a virus or infection, a marriage has run its course when the fever heat breaks.
(J/K. Passion is sustainable, but few achieve it.) I think it's run its course when you stop respecting each other and caring about each other's happiness and well-being.
How do you know when a marriage has ran it's course?
My wife and I are in our mid 20s, we've been married for 4 years (dating since teens) and are each others first serious relationship as well as first sexual partner. We do not have any children, but we're now at the point where it would be time to, and...I've been extremely hesitant and questioning some things.
Neither one of us has cheated, we know how to settle and work through arguments, and we both very much love each other, but - I sort of feel like we both grew up and became different people, becoming less compatible along the way. The friendship our relationship was based on is pretty much gone and I don't know if it can go back.
The current big issue for me is the thought of having a child away from my family, but near hers. Our families are about 1,200 miles apart, and earlier this year we ended up buying a house near hers (but again, away from mine). My wifes younger sister has a 2 year old child, and every time I see it interacting with my wifes parents, I feel terrible and like I'm robbing my parents of having that relationship and those moments. I already feel that her father doesn't respect or think much of me (see previous post), and her mother is not a very likeable person, even based on my wife, sisters, and my wifes father admission. I gave her mother a chance, but based on the mothers actions - I see exactly what they mean. She is manipulative, emotionally unstable, puts others down to lift herself up, and when I saw her making fun of her fiances 15 year old behind his back because he asked for something to eat - my stomach just dropped. When she handed the 2 year old child a baby chick, and laughed while he was holding it and squeezing and the chick was crying out, I looked on in shock until the childs mother took it away. When we were over for dinner, and she belittled and continually tried to embarrass her fiance in front of us - I was pissed off. This is a man who is worlds above what she deserves.
I cringe at the thought that she gets to bond with any child of mine, while my own mother sits alone 1,200 miles away.
So with these thoughts going through my head, the realization that my wife and I have drifted apart, grew up and changed, like different things in life (our living room is housing 2 rats, 5 mice, 2 snakes, 3-4 frogs, for a short while a potbelly pig, + 4 dogs in total - she wants to live on a big piece of property with horses and animals - I absolutely do not) - I really don't know what to do.
We get along great, both love each other, but we're more room mates at this point. We use to go out for drinks, but that stopped. She claims it's because I ate too fast and got annoyed with her, but I don't remember that happening. In fact, since we moved here (late January) I've been pushing to go out and eat and get drinks at a nearby restaurant like old times - yet I'm always shot down and it never happens...until her dad decides to take her and her sisters together, leaving me alone at the house.
Part of me feels like "going out" is over with at the age of 25, and that any fix we do is just a band aide and will result in us dragging things out even further. I think the marriage was good for it's time, resulted in us both getting a good start with our careers, a house together, and that it may be best to end it with good feelings before children enter the picture.
But at the same time - we both very much love each other and can work very well together. When we're good together, we're very good. It's as if my strengths are her weakness and her's are mine. Even when I'm the most depressed and thinking we need to end it - I get sad thinking how much I would miss her and that I would miss out on key events in her life.
So I'm incredibly conflicted. Whatever decision I make I know I'm going to have regrets - what do you guys think?
Edit -
We're not planning to have children right now, as we don't want to bring a child into this.
It's over. Get out. Especially since you don't have kids. You don't get along, you are not compatible. Do it now, before you're stuck in a hellish relationship.
It's over. Get out. Especially since you don't have kids. You don't get along, you are not compatible. Do it now, before you're stuck in a hellish relationship.
It doesn't sound like his relationship with his wife is hellish, it sounds like an inlaw problem more than anything.
It sounds like the only issue with his wife is how many pets they'll have - and that can be worked out. He seems to have otherwise good things to say about her, but it's when he gets to the inlaws that he goes off in a rant.
I would say give the marriage a chance by getting away from the inlaws. Get out somewhere on your own, away from them.
How do you know when a marriage has ran it's course?
Lack of communication, trust issues, being secretive about everything among other things.
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How do you know when a marriage has ran it's course?
