On Second Thought, Don't Get Married - article

[JustJulia]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

Yeah, Cpg is absolutely right. Maybe some of us can't and shouldn't do it.

Don't say that. I know there's a gooey romantic in there.

[LuckyGem]

Originally Posted by John Elway

This is just one source, but it apparently it does. I didn't read through it entirely so maybe it could be that those who seek premarital counseling are better prepared for marriage in the first place.

USATODAY.com - Premarital education could cut divorce rate, survey finds

Didn't work for one of my friends.

I don't think they should have married in the first place, which is why they're divorced today.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by JustJulia

Don't say that. I know there's a gooey romantic in there.

That has nothing to do with the subject...

[Phoenix2017]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

See, I wholly disagree with you. I've never seen a marriage with separate checking accounts that works over the long haul. Because inevitably it leads to a million little arguments about who pays for what and how much and who commits what to the household expenses. What's more, when one person makes a good deal more than the other, it leads to a situation where one person gets everything he wants while the other person is barely getting by. And, finally, it leads to distrust. Because each partner in a marriage starts to wonder what the other person is doing with their money.

Nope. Either you are wholly committed to the other person or you are not. That means with your heart, your body, your soul, your life and your bank account.

Some good points above...although, if I were in a situation where I were theoretically making a great deal more money than a spouse, I would have no problem at all with "giving" part of my paycheck to her, solely for her own use. To make it more fair and/or equal pay parity Anyway just a thought... As it is, right now, I pay all of my current household expenses (mortgage + utilities), for myself as well as for my (non-spousal) immediate family members who are living with me. There are occasions where I "give" them money, expecting nothing in return.

[kinkytoes]

I can't believe people are still sharing what I consider to be untruths about marriage. I guess I have lived a bad life . As a professional and a former traveling consultant, I saw so many men cheating or attempting to cheat on their wives...so who cares how long they're "married?"

The marriages in my family IMO are also not ideal. LOL I think the author is using logical fallacies to arrive at false and misleading "conclusions" to try to support "traditional marriage." Or what I suspect is the idealized image of the nuclear family marriage of post war US.

Based on what I have seen and heard,

1. Women are reluctant to divorce: cheating husband, financial problems, generally unhappy? Big deal. Overlook it and stay married appears to be the consensus.

2. Women tend to stay married because they have children.

3. Men generally want to stay married even if they're not 100% "happy" with their wives, and tend to cheat instead of breaking up the marriage. Based on what I've read here on CD, financial considerations may contribute...

Assuming those three statements are true, then the people who DO end up getting divorced are doing so for serious reasons: abuse, public cheating, drug addiction etc

Doesn't it make sense that in those cases the children would have more mental problems? Let's say those people decided to stay married. Would the children be better off with a sexually abusive parent? How about an alcoholic parent? But oooh, the parents are married.

I think the author needs to get real.

On the other hand, I do agree that compatibility is important in marriage. But in relationships, it is common for the partners to change, especially if they got married young. That's been the truth for milennia. I think family support for the marriage and financial considerations may be better "glue" for marriages.

In the previous couple of thousand years, life was a little more dangerous at least in Europe. The woman could die in childbirth, the man could be killed in war. Being married for life wasn't really as onerous; you probably wouldn't live that long! As long as you had a couple of children first, you had done your job.

Not to mention in the more recent world history prior to the current era...what happened to a wife who cheated on the husband? Let's all take a guess. No, he didn't buy her a teddy bear. Today, killing spouses for dishonoring you is frowned upon. What's the alternative?

I say divorce is necessary and can be beneficial in some cases.

[FlyMIA]

The article was like a huge add for his website btw.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by FlyMIA

The article was like a huge add for his website btw.

Yes, indeed.

It would have been far more honest if he's simply said, "My God, you people are idiots. What could you possibly be thinking? Or do you think at all about this?"

[SifuPhil]

Originally Posted by FlyMIA

The article was like a huge add for his website btw.

Of course - he's a good businessman. But he gave information that might actually help someone, somewhere, without going into a hard-sell for his site. He did it the right way. Too bad so many other businesses can't follow this model.

[BigDGeek]

I wouldn't get married again if you paid me. I think it's an outdated unnecessary institution, though I certainly won't harass people who do want to get married. That's their choice and I respect that. But I expect them to respect mine as well. I'm 35 and divorced (and not even seeing anyone) and tired of the "so when are you getting remarried" question.