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Just ended a "relationship" with a girl who ended it by texting me saying she needs a guy who pays for things the majority of the time. Keep in mind I paid for the first 4 dates, a weekend trip to the beach for two and this past weekend she paid for waffle house and then we split a meal at panera bread. a few hours later after panera she texts me saying she needs a guy who pays for the majority of the dates. i didn't realize that her paying for waffle house was too much for her haha. i'm a teacher and make a king's ransom obviously ;-). i also drove us everywhere and would buy her random things like cigarettes, wine, even cooked meals at her place i bought everything from the grocery store.
so ladies how long into a dating do you start paying?
So just after one and 1/2 dates of paying, this is her excuse? Well, if this is accurate then you got a bull crap excuse that I guarantee has nothing to do with the subject matter. She was just looking for a way out. That or you grossly skewed the post in your favor. Either way, you are so nice and wonderful and she is a pig. Happy now?
The one who asks is the one who pays as a rule. If you can't afford it, then think of something else to do. And WHY OH WHY would you be buying her disgusting cigarettes and various sundry items? BIG red flag. That's her responsibility. Stop buying a woman's favor so you don't go bitter on the good women that are out there.
I am wondering if there is a difference in the ages of the different groups of opposing people, also the region where they live.
The only time I have ever paid for a date is if it is not really a date.
For instance, I have a male friend who is just a friend, we hang out every once in a while or go to the movies or out to eat. Most of the time he picks up the tab, but very many times, I have also paid for the both of us.
When I was in high school, the guys paid for the dates. I got married and we were together a total of 16 years to include the time we were engaged, we basically did nothing so it didn't matter... Then I got into the dating arena once again and once again the men always paid.
Shoot. Even if I meet a friend for coffee, and they are a male, they refuse to let me pay for my coffee.
Is it a gentlemanly tradition? I don't know what it is.
I come from a home where I grew up being taught.."A woman never pays for anything" "If a man cannot afford to take you out, then he should not be dating"
Mind you I am 37..my parents are very old school....meaning they courted, dad paid for everything and then they got married..dad actually insisted on mom staying home to care for us and he was the MAN...NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE KING OF THE CASTLE!
Meaning he made all the money, he provided a good living for his family but this did not mean he did not help out with us, cooking, cleaning ect...pops left some big shoes to fill!
His first question when we started dating was "What does he do for a living?" Does he have an education? If nay were the responses he would say..."He was raised wrong and no daughter of mine will marry a low life"
So do I pay for dates? NO...
Do I have a job? A good one..
Do I or have I ever paid my way? Only when I was not into the guy because I tried to make it look like a non date...ewwww....
If it someone I like and I am dating? Thank goodness I have had the good luck to date men who would never dream of asking me to pay my way...
I.E.
I have been with my new bf for almost 2.5 months, he lives in the same city and I see him about 3 times a week..he would never dream about me paying!
Matter of fact he not only pays for everything, he buys me gifts...for no reason..he brings me lunch, brings me frozen yogurt before he goes to work...as an excuse to see me for a minutes before work..
He has starting obsessing over Valentines day since Jan 14th...really?
He asked me randomly via text on his break to make list of all my fave places to eat..I thought it was odd but I complied...well he started calling all these places asking if they took reservations since we both work..awwww...
He has asked me if buying me jewelery is too soon, sent me flowers on my first day back at work after my vacay...he is the most thoughtful, most wonderful man I have ever met...
And yes ladies he has a brother and he is single and was raised the same way...<3
-edit-
Mind you he is not rich..
He is A blue collar worker whom has been smart about his money..
he is district manager for some farm equipment co. however he also has his own painting business...and he does this on the side..he is currently painting Roseanne Barr's sons home in Santa Ynez..lol...it is small job 10 grand..but he is responsible, and takes pride in his work..
I would be embarrassed to let a man pay for me all the time.
What if he was rich? What if the man made 300% more than you but loved you regardless... what do you do exactly? Do you not date him because you can't afford the lifestyle he can?
People need to consider that you're not always going to like someone whose in the same socioeconomic bracket as you are. Just sayin'.
I come from a home where I grew up being taught.."A woman never pays for anything" "If a man cannot afford to take you out, then he should not be dating"
Mind you I am 37..my parents are very old school....meaning they courted, dad paid for everything and then they got married..dad actually insisted on mom staying home to care for us and he was the MAN...NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE KING OF THE CASTLE!
Meaning he made all the money, he provided a good living for his family but this did not mean he did not help out with us, cooking, cleaning ect...pops left some big shoes to fill!
Big shoes indeed! What a wonderful father!
Quote:
Do I or have I ever paid my way? Only when I was not into the guy because I tried to make it look like a non date...ewwww....
I do that, too. It sends the message and it makes things easier.
Quote:
I have been with my new bf for almost 2.5 months, he lives in the same city and I see him about 3 times a week..he would never dream about me paying!
Matter of fact he not only pays for everything, he buys me gifts...for no reason..he brings me lunch, brings me frozen yogurt before he goes to work...as an excuse to see me for a minutes before work..
He has starting obsessing over Valentines day since Jan 14th...really?
He asked me randomly via text on his break to make list of all my fave places to eat..I thought it was odd but I complied...well he started calling all these places asking if they took reservations since we both work..awwww...
He has asked me if buying me jewelery is too soon, sent me flowers on my first day back at work after my vacay...he is the most thoughtful, most wonderful man I have ever met...
And yes ladies he has a brother and he is single and was raised the same way...<3
-edit-
Mind you he is not rich..
He is A blue collar worker whom has been smart about his money..
he is district manager for some farm equipment co. however he also has his own painting business...and he does this on the side..he is currently painting Roseanne Barr's sons home in Santa Ynez..lol...it is small job 10 grand..but he is responsible, and takes pride in his work..
Sounds like he may fill those huge shoes! Good luck!
What if he was rich? What if the man made 300% more than you but loved you regardless... what do you do exactly? Do you not date him because you can't afford the lifestyle he can?
People need to consider that you're not always going to like someone whose in the same socioeconomic bracket as you are. Just sayin'.
I didn't say I would never let a man pay for me. I just don't allow it all the time and prefer to take turns paying.
I have dated someone who made twice what I did. I still paid for dinner and things I could afford. He wanted to go to a concert and was too good for cheaper tickets so he paid for expensive ones. I didn't feel bad.
I am married now and we are pretty much on the same level. We take turns paying and always have and that's how I prefer it. I have my own career and make my own money. I can certainly pay my own bills and contribute to entertainment expenses.
IMO, how soon a woman pays depends on the income differential... if she is making minimum wage and he is making six figures then obviously she is probably never going to be able to afford to pay for anything - a man must realize this. If she makes a decent income then of course they should share after 2-3 dates.
This isn't the 60s, women are financially independent now and the rules are different. Some women want the benefits of the 60s and the benefits of the 21st century all together...you can't have your cake and eat it. In the 60s women were financially unequal...the man was the breadwinner and women mostly contributed their household skills, today men and women are financially equal for the most part and women have the expectations of men that they contribute equally to maintaining the household.
I am married now and we are pretty much on the same level. We take turns paying and always have and that's how I prefer it.
What's that supposed to mean...? No mingling of finances?
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No mingling of finances?
