Can You Imagine No Dating Baggage? (wife, marriage, women, love)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So a co-worker of mine, K who just turned 31 has been with her husband since high school. They began dating in 1996, went to the same college, never broke up and got married 4 years ago. They seem really happy. I also know another couple in their mid 30's wo'd been together since high school and seem very happy and have a beautiful family.
I never had any desire to marry a high school sweetheart and wanted the experience of dating others in my 20s. But it made me wonder what it must be like to have found your meant-to-be true love at 16 and never having to date or experience anyone else? Also, by doing so, she has avoided all the pitfalls and head f*ckovers of casual dating (which caused more emotional baggage than I care to admit).
When I think of all the BS I dealt with while single or from broken relationships, while I'm sure it made me stronger, I wonder what its like to have never experienced that. Never had a broken heart, never been dumped. Never been sexually used or rejected. Never had a guy tell you what you wanted then never call again or sleep with you then lose interest. Never went through the years of stress, aggravation, rejection and hurt feelings that contributed to years of depression and baggage. Would I be a much happier person today?
I wonder if that is why she's such a perky, happy person. Can you imagine never having been through any dating crap? Ever?
That'd be good. That's my brother and his wife. My aunt and uncle knew her b/c my uncle was her teacher and deacon. They told my brother to call her up. He called her, they were friends for a while, then became G/F and B/F. They broke up for six months, but didn't date anyone else during that time. Now they've been happily married 5 years with a new baby. Neither ever went on a date with anyone else.
I am very happy for them but also envious. Lucky people.
Yes it can be an amazing and truly beautiful gift, and a pure treasure (i.e., being romantically-attached to someone with no baggage...for their heart is totally free and open to love you without hesitation, and with no hardheartedness or past hurts or wounds whatsoever, that would tend to make them want to pull back or otherwise hesitate from being overtly loving and gentle)
That would have been nice, and your coworker is very lucky that her marriage turned out well. Hopefully that will continue, but around age 40 is a risky period for many people, even if all has been good previously. If issues do arise then, she'll be unprepared to deal with them and the aftermath, having no prior experience to draw on.
I can only speculate what it would have actually BEEN like. On the other hand, you can still achieve something very close to that later in life even if it's a second marriage.
Anyway, I could never imagine dating with NO baggage - I'd at least want my toothbrush for overnight stays.
That would have been nice, and your coworker is very lucky that her marriage turned out well. Hopefully that will continue, but around age 40 is a risky period for many people, even if all has been good previously. If issues do arise then, she'll be unprepared to deal with them and the aftermath, having no prior experience to draw on.
That's moronic. Having a bunch of bad experiences doesn't prepare you for more bad experiences by default.
To answer the initial question, if I somehow had met the perfect woman long ago and married her, that'd be great. All the dating experiences I've had did nothing but make me realize dating sucks ass. There really isn't much benefit in dating a bunch of women, unless you like wasting money and dealing with endless drama. I've heard people say that those who married early didn't get to "experience" enough or some nonsense; experience what? Heartbreak and feeling used? Embarrassing sexual encounters?
That's moronic. Having a bunch of bad experiences doesn't prepare you for more bad experiences by default.
To answer the initial question, if I somehow had met the perfect woman long ago and married her, that'd be great. All the dating experiences I've had did nothing but make me realize dating sucks ass. There really isn't much benefit in dating a bunch of women, unless you like wasting money and dealing with endless drama. I've heard people say that those who married early didn't get to "experience" enough or some nonsense; experience what? Heartbreak and feeling used? Embarrassing sexual encounters?
Bring back arranged marriages, I'm all for that.
Some people actually learn from experience. Perhaps you are learning challenged since that's beyond your comprehension.
Or maybe you just see life and women through your Free Beer goggles. Try upgrading to Bud Light!
Some people actually learn from experience. Perhaps you are learning challenged since that's beyond your comprehension.
And some people don't. What's your point here? Using your logic, I will be completely unable to deal with a close family member getting cancer unless I've already had a close family member get cancer. Dating a bunch of people doesn't make it easier to deal with marriage problems. By extension, you're implying that I need to have a couple divorces just in case I get a divorce one day. That's stupid.
While I do believe living through bad experiences can prepare you for future bad experiences, I think I'd rather not have to deal with it to begin with.
I can't speak for everyone but I just know for me that when I experiences my first heartbreak (which was excrutiating), it created a massive depression that I fought with for years and only got worse as I collected more and worse life experiences and new heartbreaks. The years before I was married were so brutal and my self esteem took so many hits that left lots of emotional damage.
I just can't help think how much better I'd be emotionally had I never been through it. Whether I dated or not. Just never went through those bad experiences.
Crabcakes, I can answer your question because my situation mirrors your co-worker. I met my husband at 15, we started dating at 16, married in our late 20's and 30 years later, we are still together. We lost our virginity to each other and neither of us have ever had sex with anyone else. We are still in love and spend all our time together. Sure, there have been tough times in our marriage and arguments and periods where we weren't deliriously happy. But they never have lasted very long. It's not a panacea, but it's nice to have someone around you that knew you as a teenager and throughout all your life.
I have never been through a break-up or having men use me or any of that. Whenever women have said to me over the years, "Men will f--- anything, they are all cheaters, all pigs," I am always incredulous because my main experience in life has been with a man who is not like this at all. Even when we were 17 or 18, if I wanted to play tennis instead of having sex, he was perfectly happy doing that and would say, "as long as we're together, I don't care." He was never forcing sex on me as a teenage boy or leering at other woman or any of that.
I sort of take it for granted because it's all I know. But I do consider myself fortunate never to go through one-night stands, dump scenes, all that drama. Sometimes I wonder what if would have been like to have "sown my wild oats" and had sex with other men, but I wonder about this rarely and fleetingly.
I really think it comes down to marrying your best friend. So many countless people here only seem to care about other, less important things which will never build a lasting relationship. Marry someone you can talk to, laugh with, feel comfy with and who completes you. Most of the men I've known in life professionally have been good men. It seems on this Forum, most people just describe horrible losers.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
(i.e., being romantically-attached to someone with no baggage...for their heart is totally free and open to love you without hesitation, and with no hardheartedness or past hurts or wounds whatsoever, that would tend to make them want to pull back or otherwise hesitate from being overtly loving and gentle)
