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There is this guy I like. I've known him for a long time about 6 years, I've always had a crush on him and supposedly according to him he has a crush on me too. However, we only hang out maybe like 3 times a year.
I have the feeling that the reason he would never seriously date me is because I'm not as successful as him.
He makes $120,000 a year, he's a software engineer and graduated from NJIT. He is 27 years old, and attractive.
I make about a 5th of his salary, I graduated from a mediocre college with a business degree. I'm 24 years old, and attractive.
He says that I don't accept that he likes me. I don't believe him in that he never makes an effort to see me, I always have to make the effort. He said he doesn't like himself. I feel like he is giving me the whole "It's not you, it's me" excuse.
I personally think he would prefer to date an average looking girl who is smart and successful. Whereas, I consider myself with to be above average looks, average intelligence, and have mediocre success.
What does everyone think?
1)Is it possible he would date me even though I'm less successful and intelligent?
2)Do you think he was just being nice and letting me down?
3)Wouldn't he be bored of me in the long term?
You guys need to have a sit down and lay it all out so that you both know how each other feels. If he doesn't share the same feelings for you, they is more fish in the sea.
Best of luck
PS: This thread is absolutely worthless without pictures!
I agree with the person above. You are the only person here who actually knows the guy, so you have a better idea whether or not he is actually interested in you. If you are worried about whether you make enough money for him or not...then you should probably just give up and look for someone who doesn't make as much money. Though if you both have known each other for six years, and have both had a crush on each other, but yet nothing has happened...then my opinion is that he does want someone who makes closer to what he makes.
OP, I'll let you in on a little secret that applies to most men: A woman's income, schools attended, career, and social status aren't major factors when deciding whether or not to date her (and definitely not when deciding whether or not to sleep with her).
That said, if you've known each other for 6 years, but only hang out 3 times a year, that tells me that he's probably not that into you for reasons that have nothing to do with your income, job, schools attended, etc. What you must remember about most men is that we are visual creatures and that visual stimuli serves as the catalyst to most of our actions. If he hasn't tried to date you (or even sleep with you) then it's safe to say that he's probably not sexually attracted to you. Although he probably likes you as a friend, if he were attracted, you two would have at least gone out on some dates already and probably would have slept together at least once by now.
I say chalk this one up and move on because he's clearly not interested. However, there's always the possiblity that he's not even straight and has no interest in women PERIOD!
OP, I'll let you in on a little secret that applies to most men: A woman's income, schools attended, career, and social status aren't major factors when deciding whether or not to date her (and definitely not when deciding whether or not to sleep with her).
That said, if you've known each other for 6 years, but only hang out 3 times a year, that tells me that he's probably not that into you for reasons that have nothing to do with your income, job, schools attended, etc. What you must remember about most men is that we are visual creatures and that visual stimuli serves as the catalyst to most of our actions. If he hasn't tried to date you (or even sleep with you) then it's safe to say that he's probably not sexually attracted to you. Although he probably likes you as a friend, if he were attracted, you two would have at least gone out on some dates already and probably would have slept together at least once by now.
I say chalk this one up and move on because he's clearly not interested.
yeah, many men will sleep with anything that is attractive or fulfills certain needs.
I have a buddy that's gotta be about a 9. very good looking, academy football player, aviator, a harvard MBA, and is traveling salesman for surgical equipment...the kinda job that well connected former jocks get.
he will only marry--or so he tells me--a beautiful woman, who is elitely educated, who has a serious six figure career. however, he routinely sleeps with women who range from average 5s who do whatever he wants in bed to 9-10 vegas party girls. many of these women, because he is nice, think they will have a serious LTR with them.
They are sadly mistaken.
In my opinion, he is the worst kind of man for a woman. Nice but you are not in his league and he will never tell you.
whereas women will let you know straight up if you are outta their league.
There is this guy I like. I've known him for a long time about 6 years, I've always had a crush on him and supposedly according to him he has a crush on me too. However, we only hang out maybe like 3 times a year.
I have the feeling that the reason he would never seriously date me is because I'm not as successful as him.
He makes $120,000 a year, he's a software engineer and graduated from NJIT. He is 27 years old, and attractive.
I make about a 5th of his salary, I graduated from a mediocre college with a business degree. I'm 24 years old, and attractive.
He says that I don't accept that he likes me. I don't believe him in that he never makes an effort to see me, I always have to make the effort. He said he doesn't like himself. I feel like he is giving me the whole "It's not you, it's me" excuse.
I personally think he would prefer to date an average looking girl who is smart and successful. Whereas, I consider myself with to be above average looks, average intelligence, and have mediocre success.
What does everyone think?
1)Is it possible he would date me even though I'm less successful and intelligent?
2)Do you think he was just being nice and letting me down?
3)Wouldn't he be bored of me in the long term?
Any advice/comments/related stories welcome.
If I were you, I wouldn't try to "fit a square peg into a round hole." I'm of the belief that a man should be unequivocal in his expression of interest for any woman he wants to have a relationship with. This means that you should never feel any doubt whatsoever of his intentions and his every word, expression, and action validates his unwavering intentions towards being with you. Absent this, he's playing games. It really is quite simple.
It sounds to me like he's yet another non-communicative software engineer. You think he's good-looking and maybe he is. This could mean that he has other women available where he works who have more in common with him and make more money than you. He doesn't sound like he's interested in you, so what is a beautiful woman like you doing agonizing over this? Move on, for God's sake. You're a beautiful, unique woman, not yet another woman who is attracted to him and will lose sleep because he's not showing the level of interest that you think he should. Ignore him for awhile and make other plans. More than likely there is someone else far more suitable for you, someone who you don't have to work very hard to connect with.
Before I met my incredible wife, I tried to pursue other beautiful women who didn't fit me. It was very hard to make the proper connection with many of them and I ultimately concluded that those particular women were not good enough for me and not the right fit. I didn't try to force it. When I met my wife, our bond and connection was seamless. This is how it should be.
While you're thinking about this guy's salary and giving him greater consideration because of it, don't ignore those incredible guys who might not make as much as you who might look at you the same way you look at this engineer. One of those guys might be far better suited for you, and you might be what that guy needs to boost his confidence and self-worth, where he eventually ends up making more than that stiff software engineer you're agonizing about.
No man should ever make you feel as though you have to use an anonymous message board to try to decipher his intentions towards you. Again, if he hasn't made his intentions clearly known, that is a great indication that he's likely not the best fit for you.
I say don't settle for that engineer. The longer he works in that field, the greater the expectations. This means that he will be sitting relating to a computer for longer periods of time, developing that big wide behind. Expect a proportional layer of fat to develop around his midsection and cover his entire body. Well into his 30s, his expanding noggin will start to get too big for his hair and that receding hairline will become prominent. His entire conversation will be about software packages, bit rates, bug fixes, and build problems. You don't want to be with that guy.
There is someone far better in store for you.
Last edited by LexusNexus; 11-19-2011 at 02:09 AM..
Reason: typo
yeah, many men will sleep with anything that is attractive or fulfills certain needs.
I have a buddy that's gotta be about a 9. very good looking, academy football player, aviator, a harvard MBA, and is traveling salesman for surgical equipment...the kinda job that well connected former jocks get.
he will only marry--or so he tells me--a beautiful woman, who is elitely educated, who has a serious six figure career. however, he routinely sleeps with women who range from average 5s who do whatever he wants in bed to 9-10 vegas party girls. many of these women, because he is nice, think they will have a serious LTR with them.
They are sadly mistaken.
In my opinion, he is the worst kind of man for a woman. Nice but you are not in his league and he will never tell you.
whereas women will let you know straight up if you are outta their league.
I am going to have to agree with Datafeed on this. He may sleep with you but he may also want someone on his level and a LTR relationship may be out of the question. He would never tell you that, but it is a possibility.... or perhaps he is one of those guys who does not put much thought into it and will make a good match for you. It is really hard to interpret this situation for us, because we don't know this guy.
in my opinion, if a person doesn't feel anything for somebody in a few months though being loved, it means that it will never happen.
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Ok, but what kind of person is he?? And what about you?
Expect a proportional layer of fat to develop around his midsection and cover his entire body. Well into his 30s, his expanding noggin will start to get too big for his hair and that receding hairline will become prominent. His entire conversation will be about software packages, bit rates, bug fixes, and build problems. You don't want to be with that guy.
