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I'm just sick of gauging myself against other guys to see where I 'stack up'. I figure if I can marry a good woman, the mental aspect of looking good will go away. If the physical stays.
Here's your problem right there dude. Stop trying to compare yourself or "stacking up" to the next man and concentrate on being the best YOU can be. Once you get this, then your eyes will be opened to the Tao.
As far as letting my looks go after getting married - NO WAY!! You see, to me (and to my wife as well), personal appearance (looks) is as important and not unlike personal hygiene. I wouldnt stop caring about my looks/health just as I would not stop caring about my looks/hygiene just because I got married. Of course I still want to look good for my wife, but more importantly, I want to look and feel good for ME. She just gets to reap the benefits of ME doing it for ME.
I think you are right about single people though. They tend to want to try to look good to find a mate. Especially women. I meet SOOOOOO many women at the gym who "just got out of a relationship" or "Is separated going through a divorce" and trying to better themselves with the hopes of finding new love after "letting themselves go".
First of all, I'm single and I've never been married. Throughout my single life, I've always been on a roller coaster ride of feeling attractive and unattractive, and trying to figure where I fit in general in society's 'totem pole' of physical attractiveness.
I reason other single people are similarly hung up about their looks. Because they want to find somebody they are attracted to and who is attracted to them. They don't want to shoot too high and risk rejection or take too much less than what they can get.
But for you married people, doesn't that go away? I mean, let's assume you marry someone you LIKE, and really aren't thinking about cheating on. Let's assume he/she is attracted to you and would overlook minor fluctuations in weight throughout the years and is basically going to STAY attracted to you for the duration.
You would still care about your looks. But, for all intensive purposes, you are just trying to maintain the level of attractiveness you had when you met him/her. You are no longer worried about how good looking/ugly you are in the scheme of society (at least not regularly). Because theoretically, you should no longer care about attracting another person except for your mate.
Is this a pretty accurate depiction of being married?
EDIT: The question is not about looking good for your mate. Assume you are going to work out, stay slim and they will find you attractive forever. The question is about feeling attractive to other members of the opposite sex based on your god given looks. Why would you care anymore if you are married?
IMO It's nice to know that others still find you attractive --- You've still got it. AND it excites your spouse knowing that you're admired by others...
Here's your problem right there dude. Stop trying to compare yourself or "stacking up" to the next man and concentrate on being the best YOU can be. Once you get this, then your eyes will be opened to the Tao.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Marvelous.
Do not compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to yourself yesterday.
First of all, I'm single and I've never been married. Throughout my single life, I've always been on a roller coaster ride of feeling attractive and unattractive, and trying to figure where I fit in general in society's 'totem pole' of physical attractiveness.
I reason other single people are similarly hung up about their looks. Because they want to find somebody they are attracted to and who is attracted to them. They don't want to shoot too high and risk rejection or take too much less than what they can get.
But for you married people, doesn't that go away? I mean, let's assume you marry someone you LIKE, and really aren't thinking about cheating on. Let's assume he/she is attracted to you and would overlook minor fluctuations in weight throughout the years and is basically going to STAY attracted to you for the duration.
You would still care about your looks. But, for all intensive purposes, you are just trying to maintain the level of attractiveness you had when you met him/her. You are no longer worried about how good looking/ugly you are in the scheme of society (at least not regularly). Because theoretically, you should no longer care about attracting another person except for your mate.
Is this a pretty accurate depiction of being married?
EDIT: The question is not about looking good for your mate. Assume you are going to work out, stay slim and they will find you attractive forever. The question is about feeling attractive to other members of the opposite sex based on your god given looks. Why would you care anymore if you are married?
It's not so much that you care about being attractive to others in order to attract men/women to you, it's just like theimporterswife said, many of us just feel better personally when we look our best.
Plus we get a little ego boost knowing others still find us attractive even though we are "old married ladies"
My husband gets a kick out of the fact other men find me very attractive - it makes him feel even prouder that I am his wife. It's like he can say to other men - eat your heart out guys!
Of course looks matter after you get married. And for anyone who thinks they don't matter, I bet they're divorced or on their way to it. Or both were morbidly obese to begin with and honestly can say, "I don't care what my partner looks like."
Look how many hundreds of thousands of posts there are all over the Internet, "My wife/hubby put on 50 pounds since we've been married. I can't stand it! I'm not attracted to them anymore..."
Remember that love is unconditional, but attraction is not.
It doesn't matter one bit whether you're "out of the game" or not. Smart married people put just as time into their appearance when they're just chilling at home, as when they go to work. I never understood women who don't apply make-up or walk around in curlers in front of their husband all day. And I don't get men who don't care about their appearance in front of their wives.
I believe it's good to care about the way you look even after your married if not for your spouse then for youself. I know I want to look good for my GF it's personal thing I guess. I want my GF to have her eyes on me not some other guy.
Of course from a health standpoint you should eat right and exercise...But as from a marriage standpoint it's what the couples value that is important!You have many couples that value exercise and love outdoor activities that they do together...but I've also seen those schlumpy(my own word)that like to eat out together and go to the movies...and that works for them.My husband and I are somewhere in the middle...as my old Irish Grandma said "There is a pot for every cover"!
HOWEVER - I don't measure my attractiveness based on where I fit in with the rest of society. I don't compare myself to others.
If there were no others to compare yourself to, how would you figure you were getting "fat," Dewdrop...?
When everybody around you is poor, let's say, you don't perceive yourself as poor. Same with physical characteristics. You don't think you're out of the norm if everybody else is fat.
I try not to compare myself to the younger me (when I look at old photos)but sometimes it's hard because I didn't fully apreciate my youthful self...now as it begins to fade and I see a line here or there I would be lying to say it doesn't bother me!!But what's the alternative??
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