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2) I used to be a bit like you when I was your age. Yes, it's good to have morals and all that, but you really should try to lighten up. Lots of people have these very rigid ideas about How Things Are Supposed To Be, and they end up locking themselves out of a lot of great experiences with great people. You don't have to be a total skank, but you're young and you really should try to have some fun and not take things so seriously. If I could go back and re-live my 20s, I would be way less uptight about a lot of things.
I'm having a really hard time deciding if i am weird or in the wrong about this.
I do NOT believe in casual sex.
I do not care if someone else has it, not judging them.
every single time someone has found out i'm gay they try to 'hook me up' with another gay guy they know.
the who scene in my town entails having sex with someone first and then finding out if you're compatible.
people are wondering what's wrong with me.. why i'm not out there etc.
even my sister thinks that i'm in the wrong.
It's irritating.
I feel like i just want to be left alone, but at the same time i'm lonely.
I feel like i just have morals that i'm not willing to give up to 'belong' with others.
people really irritate me and it's very stressful to have to be in conflict with others constantly because apparently i'm not living the way i'm supposed to like everybody else.
It's interesting because I just posted a thread seeking legitimate advice on how to meet a guy who is interested in a stable relationship. I am having the same problem. I hate the scene because it's completely stereotypical. The bars and clubs are full of guys wanting to get plastered or hook-up and the online dating sites, so far, I've found are full of flakes, wackos, and old men.
It's interesting because I just posted a thread seeking legitimate advice on how to meet a guy who is interested in a stable relationship. I am having the same problem. I hate the scene because it's completely stereotypical. The bars and clubs are full of guys wanting to get plastered or hook-up and the online dating sites, so far, I've found are full of flakes, wackos, and old men.
On the gay side too? Darn, we single people have it tough
On the gay side too? Darn, we single people have it tough
I actually tried to like this one guy. I get a lot of old men and the decent guys I do talk to seem to have a "short attention span" to put it nicely, and will converse with you but after a few casual messages stop because they want sex. Aren't there hookup sites for sex. Why pay to use an online dating site for sex?
It's interesting because I just posted a thread seeking legitimate advice on how to meet a guy who is interested in a stable relationship. I am having the same problem. I hate the scene because it's completely stereotypical. The bars and clubs are full of guys wanting to get plastered or hook-up and the online dating sites, so far, I've found are full of flakes, wackos, and old men.
I've been with my partner for 15 years now and before meeting him (in my mid 20s), I spent a couple years in the "bar scene". Now I look back and wish I'd had a mentor! Having to figure it all out, and how flaky gay men who hang out in bars can be I didn't meet my partner in a bar, although sex came up very soon in the relationship. But my intent was always to find one man to spend the rest of my life with, so it worked out. When we met, it wasn't love at first sight, and I'd pretty much given up on finding someone. But after a year of being "friends with benefits", we realized we were in love, and that was that!
If I were to find myself single today, I'd take quite a different approach. Of course physical looks play a big part, but then I'd have a list of requirements: looking for monogamy/college educated/came from a sane family/likes kids (we have two children now)/common interests/decent job.
And I would no way have sex up front. But then I'm more mature now. Not that I didn't have fun in my crazy single days, and I don't regret it.
I guess the problem is finding someone who isn't into casual sex/isn't likely to cheat.
Unfortunately - this is exactly the problem with the gay scene.
To OP: I'm gay - and I actually identify with your views to a large extent. I live in a city with a large LGBT population and have a lot of gay friends with varying morals. However I do enjoy going out to gay bars and to a much lesser extent clubs. But I'm not into casual sex or "open relationships" or group sex or anything like that. Some of my friends are and I don't judge them for that - and they don't judge me because I'm not into it.
After being single for a lonnnnnng time, I recently met someone who I've been with for about 4 months. I met him through a dating site - he's very similar to me in a lot of ways. We both believe in being monogamous. I feel like I've lucked out with finding him though because that is not a common belief among the gays that I know. I did actively have to search for what I wanted and it was largely a trial-and-error process.
My advice:
(1) With respect to friends/"fitting in" to the scene: you should not and need not sacrifice your morals to "fit in". For me - I loosened up a little, put myself out there and introduced myself to people. I found things that I had in common with people and focused on that rather than our differences.
(2) With respect to relationships: there are a ton of guys out there that share your views. But you may just have to dig a little bit deeper. Try an online dating site. Yes, there are skeezeballs - they're everywhere - but it's not hard to filter them out if you know what you're doing. Message me if you'd like specific recommendations.
You don't have to be a certain way other than being yourself, Rlarson. I am gay and I won't have sex with someone till I really trust and love her. I know you're probably thinking it's more of a gay male thing, but I have tons of gay and bisexual friends, male and female, and none of us feel the need to give up our morals. Make friends with people who don't force you to be someone you're not.
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