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give up in the slightest face of adversity. So you've been rejected a few times. Who hasn't?
Actually the truth is that a small number of men are almost never rejected and most men are almost always rejected. (there are also a small number in the middle) The men in the former group talk about "the slightest face of adversity" when the reality is, they haven't faced any at all. Some of these guys are stringing along 3, 6 or even 10 women at a time. Great for their ego and sex life.
Most guys know what group they are in by their mid twenties and often earlier. If they are in the latter group, they can choose to continue to bang their head against the wall or just get on with enjoying life and not worry about it. There is little they can do to change things.
Some guys, (I was one of them) assume that women will eventually get more rational as they find that competing against 5 to 7 other women for the affection of a highly desirable man, leads nowhere.
This is a false hope. Women are very slow to come to this realization, you likely wouldn't want them when they finally do and by then it is a very risky option anyway. Besides, they still really don't want you, only what you can provide.
If this is a consistent pattern, then you're pursuing the wrong women.
For at least 2/3 of men, pursuing the "right" women will soon cause them to quit trying. When a majority of women are pursuing approximately 10% of men, this doesn't leave much left for the rest. The next 10% of the men takes virtually anyone reasonable left.
By more rational, do you mean find you attractive?
You're all self-identifying as desirable.
Maybe what you see is not what women see.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NotARedneck
For at least 2/3 of men, pursuing the "right" women will soon cause them to quit trying. When a majority of women are pursuing approximately 10% of men, this doesn't leave much left for the rest. The next 10% of the men takes virtually anyone reasonable left.
I guess, by your logic, only 20% (max) of men are in relationships.
Divorce rate of 50% or so...
Nah.
Women don't have to settle for less than they want.
Why would they settle?
Becoming bitter is a choice you make and in my opinion it's a bad choice. Bitterness is ugly and it repels people.
Life isn't always a bed of roses for anyone but we can choose to roll with it, with a sense of humour and learn from our mistakes so we change our behaviour.
Otherwise we can look forward to being just another nasty old person who regretted their life.
Yep.
Ye gods, Malkiel, if broken hearts caused scarring on cardiac tissue, I'd be dead by now.
You will get your heart broken. It's a fact of life. And unless you choose to become a lonely old man, you will get over it, and learn something about yourself in the process.
That which does not kill you makes you stronger. That's why I can rip a door off the hinges with one arm.
You can also read the other threads that I started around that time to give you an idea that I was in the same situation as you.
I decided to use that brutal rejection to go and hit on and ask out other women. After all, once you are down at the bottom, you can't get kicked any further.
One of those women that I took on some dates ended up becoming my girlfriend today. She just sent me a Valentines card. Four months...
Women and certain men can sit around and wait for it to happen naturally.
From your post, you can't. You're a shyish, passive, nice guy who goes friends first, right? You can work on your career, school, your Latin script, your ukelele playing all you want. You probably won't get a woman unless you go after a woman. Lots of them. It's a numbers game. And it's a dumb game. And guys like you and I have it the worst. But so what.
I have further advice for you. If you want to avoid further bitterness towards women, for chrissake, stay off relationship forums.
You will read posts and threads by so many women who screen guys for a gazillion dealbreakers, feel self entitled to only the most handsome successful men, talk about how guys are too wussy and passive because they couldn't decide where to get desert, talk about how they know within the first five seconds of meeting a guy whether or not they are going to sleep with him, etc, etc...
Basically, there are shining examples of all of the negative stereotypes you have of women being shallow, narrow, and petty on relationship forums and in droves. Much more so than in real life. Such women flock to relationship forums.
Although City Data is better than some of the others.
Quote: "Yesterday, I got definitively friend-zoned by someone who I’d been hanging out with for months. We seem to have some chemistry together; we have similar hobbies and goals. Yet, she gave me a lame excuse for not wanting to date me: she doesn’t want to experience the drama of a relationship—"
That's your problem. WHY oh why are you hanging out for months with someone without asking them out clearly? I don't blame you for feeling emotionally invested and let down BUT for all that is holy, do not emotionally invest in someone in such a passive way hoping it will turn into something because you think it should.
I have great looking guy friends who hit on women constantly. Their success rate is really low, even just to take an average woman home for that night.
I don't know what your goal is but if it's a relationship with a girl you like, ask her out directly on a date. Right away, ask her. If the answer is no, move on to the next. Don't hang around hoping she'll change her mind. The guys I know who are successful at dating, ask directly, if they get a no, they move on. NO hanging out after that. Cut your loses and move on.
I take it you are more of a sensitive guy but the advice holds true. You're going to have to grow a thicker skin and learn to want only those who want you. Stop building these women up so much to something important and that you would be so great together. Build yourself up and be more discerning. When you meet someone and seem to hit it off, ask her out on a date. Not hang out but a date so she knows. Rejection is 90%+ and that's ok because it only takes one great person to make it worth it. The bad boys or hot guys most here talk about that I know deal with this all the time. It's no different, it's just that they understand that aspect of interpersonal relationships and don't let it get to them. They say only the strong survive and that is still the case it seems when it comes to breeding. You can choose your fate. Play smart and you'll be fine. Play like a fool, and you'll be played like a fool.
I have further advice for you. If you want to avoid further bitterness towards women, for chrissake, stay off relationship forums.
You will read posts and threads by so many women who screen guys for a gazillion dealbreakers, feel self entitled to only the most handsome successful men, talk about how guys are too wussy and passive because they couldn't decide where to get desert, talk about how they know within the first five seconds of meeting a guy whether or not they are going to sleep with him, etc, etc...
Basically, there are shining examples of all of the negative stereotypes you have of women being shallow, narrow, and petty on relationship forums and in droves. Much more so than in real life. Such women flock to relationship forums.
Although City Data is better than some of the others.
I really resent this. I offer advice to men here as I would to my brothers, who I love and respect. You are the epitome of a bitter, wretched man. Also, I've read advice from other women that are also very supportive and trying to help men but you guys just never want to listen.
The bolded part of your post holds true for everyone. News flash: physical attraction or attraction period is important for men AND women.
There is no reason to lie on forums. Women and men are giving the unfiltered truth and yes, it's been hard for me to swallow at times but I appreciate it and take it all with a grain of salt. And there is such a wide variety of viewpoints, from both men and women that I can't see where you're lumping them all into one group. Well, I can, if you come here with prejudice and just gleam what you want rather than come here with an open mind and digest what is offered.
Ah well, you can lead a horse to water....
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