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Ok, I've been wondering this for quite some time now and I would like other guy's opinions. Have you ever felt that females expect you to read their mind?
I've been seeing this girl for about two weeks now and every time I'm with her, I ask what she wants to do and she gives says something like "well we could do this or we can go here and do this. You pick." So I'm like ok, and I choose what sounds like fun to me and then she gets ticked off because I obviously couldn't read her mind and pick the one that she wanted to do.
You've got to be kidding me.
And then the other day my friend, his girlfriend, and I went to the movies (yes it was a little awkward) and she asked him to go get her a drink and then complained when he asked her what she wanted. "Wow, you seriously don't know what I want to drink? What do I always get?"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! SORRY WOMAN I FORGOT IT WAS THE DUTY OF US MALES TO REMEMBER EVERY DETAIL OF YOUR LIFE.
Thank God I'm not in a committed relationship.
These are not women, they are girls, and no, not all of us are like that!!
Well you're one of the few then! Lately, I've noticed a lot of girlfriends and girls in general that seem to expect the guys they hang around with to read their minds.
I actually don't mind if my girlfriend yells at me for doing something that I knew was wrong, but to constantly put me in a situation where I feel like I'm going to be wrong either way isn't cool.
Where are you finding these "girls?" This is passive/aggressive behavior which tends to also accompany manipulation. I know many, many women are taught these things either consciously or not at home growing up, but you need to know there are tons of women who do not practice that childish behavior.
These are not women, they are girls, and no, not all of us are like that!!
So if you are not the kind of woman who makes men read your mind I suppoose that when you see a guy out there that you like, you walk up to him, break the ice, start a conversation, etc. and later on, once you feel comfortable, you ask him out on a first date, right? Instead of sending him signals, body language, messengers, cues, and so on.
Yeah women do tend to pay more attention to things like that, but I think many men make this excuse that they 'just can't read women's minds' because they're too lazy to figure it out.
I disagree with this. I think many of us guys can figure out that something is wrong without her telling us, but we just can't figure out what and that's what we need to be told.
Definitely could be true. This girl I've been seeing is 23. But still, you'd think by that age she'd be out of that phase.
Very doubtful. That is still super young, and it takes many years to develop a strong enough personality to not default to those things. If she does not have a good older female role model, you might be out of luck.
But, women do have to understand that most men just don't pick up on signals and non-verbal clues the way women do.
Women have to understand to communicate like adults, not like teenagers who rely on cute indirect messages, body signals, clearing the throat, playing with their hair, guessing games, etc. What happened to verbal/spoken language?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC
Women have to understand to communicate like adults, not like teenagers who rely on cute indirect messages, body signals, clearing the throat, playing with their hair, guessing games, etc. What happened to verbal/spoken language?
she gets ticked off because I obviously couldn't read her mind and pick the one that she wanted to do.
I had an experience like that. She gave me a choice of two restaurants and when I picked the wrong one, she dumped me. Guys have to eventually feel lucky in such situations although, at the time it can be at least irritating.
Face the fact that if you are a guy who is nearly "perfect" looking or has a lot of money, you will be given every consideration.
For all other men, you had better be something approaching perfection in all other respects, or your chances with any women who are not far, far from perfection themselves, is practically nil.
Now days, a majority of young single women are almost exclusively attracted to men who they consider to be in the top 10% of looks and wealth. Their chances of actually being successfully married to one is usually rather slim, but they can at least get their attention on an off day. Once this happens, all other men are considered tainted and will require major settling for them to agree to a relationship. This means, in all practical terms, that such a man will never be good enough. Even such a man who is a mind reader will likely fail to satisfy her.
Well, one reason (although among others) why it might be thought that on average women have had better "fine-tuning" of social cues, or a better barometer for others' social attitudes and current moods etc. is that historically, women had less direct influence or power relative to men, in society, so in part they could not rely as much on "hard power" to influence things (such as force or demand). Women were also more vulnerable and less physical, so to get around, they have had to be good at navigating the social landscape (such as making and breaking alliances, getting on the good side of people, deciding who is trustworthy or suspicious) using "soft power" rather than "hard power".
Actually even setting aside gender for a moment, it's been found by studies that those who are placed lower down in status by society (such as in the corporate world) are often better at being sensitive/reading moods than those higher up. This might sound counter-intuitive but the explanation I read was similar -- those higher up have direct power, so they don't need to be sensitive to those below, but those lower in status, or less powerful people have to be able to survive on gauging the social moods of the superiors (eg. be able to read when big boss is angry or sad but not showing it or when others are watching or talking about them).
The idea that women's power is soft power or skill in the personal or social realm while men's power is in the hard power in the public sphere of direct law, force or bargaining, is also pretty entrenched in our culture, including in media, literature etc. Ladies' power over others, both men and women, are often (for better or worse) shown or depicted to be through social tools like acting, convincing, seducing, sweet or smooth-talking, gossip etc., while gentlemen are portrayed to dominate through skill, knowledge or force.
Note also, skill in social perception by itself is a skill, just like any other, and can be used for both positive and negative things (eg. they can be used to observe and monitor others socially in order to help them or empathize with them, or on the flip side to better predict how to manipulate others' behaviour for your selfish gain).
Last edited by Stumbler.; 03-12-2012 at 12:32 PM..
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