Lack of sex in marriages..why?

[Ulysses61]

Not all marriages are sexless and not all marriages end in divorce.

And only on this Forum would that need to be stated. It continually amuses/amazes me to see the amount of invective directed against marriage here. It's as if no happy marriage ever existed and that once a couple gets married, sex diminishes or ceases.

Wrong on both counts. Studies always show that long-married couples have much more sex than single people. Convincing the misanthropic singles here of that fact will be impossible. They seem to think anyone married more than a year never gets laid and any man over 40 can't get it up. Not sure what planet they dwell on, but this is their universally erroneous impression.

[Cav Scout wife]

Originally Posted by calicali01

Now let me ask you this: Why are all you girls working? Does your husband not make enough to support the family alone or do you all really like working just for the sake of it?

Both. We are in our marriage TOGETHER. Not to mention what else would I do with a degree, if it didn't pay for itself?

Originally Posted by calicali01

...but what about all the Joe Blows who work in a factory all day, or construction sites?

In other words, the majority of men work hard, demanding, thankless, soul crushing jobs, so when they get home they should be allowed to rest and recuperate.

What about the WOMEN that do those job, THEN come home and do the housework as well? You don't think that women can have tough jobs too?

Originally Posted by calicali01

Oh, I'm sorry. Have you done construction work before? Have you navigated supertankers across the high seas?

Yeah, I was a Teamster and a Marine, I know all about hard work.

What does it matter?

Originally Posted by calicali01

I wish you all the best Dewdrop, but don't talk too soon, 10+ years from now things might change. Just enjoy it while you can, it's all you can do.

When YOU have been married as long as I have or longer, then I feel you can have an opinion based in reality, until then, your opinion is just an opinion. No matter how weird it may be.

Originally Posted by calicali01

All the couples I know that made it past 15-20 years of marriage come off like they are brother and sister. They hardly hug, kiss, or show any signs of affection towards each other. They behave like roommates and they don't seem alive or happy that they have each other.

And you were with them 24/7; and in their bedroom at night?

PDA is for teenagers and insecure people that want everyone else to know how "awesome" their relationship is.

I don't need to make up with my husband in public, it's no one else's business how I feel about him, but him.

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

This is so weird because I enjoy sex and I haven't sex with any of those types of men. Actually, they don't even sound remotely appealing to me.

Same here. Rich guys are too preoccupied with being rich/becoming richer, playboys are the ones I would worry about STD's, bad boys are well bad and come with wrap sheets, famous men have NO privacy, and athletes are usually a mix of the above four, so no go.

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

I'd probably be too busy getting myself tested to think about the sex.

Trust me - I've found my ideal and I'm not letting him go!

Yup, on BOTH accounts!!!

Originally Posted by calicali01

The bottom line, when a man is just himself, most of you girls find it boring, and you don't get turned on by guys like that.

Though JEWISH women are very different!

Not always true. I love my husband, with all his faults, and especially when he is himself. Actually, he's never really been anything but himself.

Why are Jewish women different?

Originally Posted by calicali01

No, it's both. Plain and simple, marriage is a union that benefits Government, religion, women, and children all at the expense of men.

All at the expense of men hmm? Sounds like you are jaded.

Originally Posted by calicali01

Cute eye roll, but you still didn't answer the question.

Originally Posted by somebodynew

This in response to "what does money have to do with sex" is telling me that your point of view has very little to do with what marriage really is but with what I would consider a really unhealthy (and frankly immature) idea of what male female relations are and what *women* are. You have not chosen marriage based on this worldview which is really a good thing. Because if what you expect to find is a gold digging sexual gatekeeper, then that is exactly what you would find.

+1

Originally Posted by somebodynew

"Sex is somewhat overrated" ... and you take umbrage to the words of that poster? Just sayin.

No, I think he was upset about the "swingers being deranged" part.

[swanstone1]

Originally Posted by swanstone1

Update your summation to include that probably half of all situations are WOMEN being cut off and then we have a double conundrum of WTF? Not only are we always interested in sex, the hubby is NOT, and we are being told that WE don't want it!!!! Find a new study. You can find ANY study to support ANY position you choose to take.

I personally quit the marriage game where I'M supposed to be the problem, cuz the hubby WAS the problem and don't tell my 21 year old "toys" who beg for a breath of air!

FOR OP....this was my response to you and the other response was for ONIhc, which is where I replied. I work with only men (always have) and hear more women friends complain about lack of sex than the guys do.

[southshorelady]

Originally Posted by Yzette

Don't you know that you're supposed to be ready, willing, and able to drop anything and everything you might be doing when Mr. Happy rises to tumescent glory?

Okay, that was harsh. How can I say this without sounding like I'm generalizing? This is not uncommon among the male of the species. Not all men do this, of course. But I've run across it, as well, and I'm convinced it's a control thing stemming from insecurity. It's like they just can't stand to see their partner focused on something that isn't them if they're in her presence, so they seek to take her away from what she's doing. In this way, they control both their sex life and their partner's behavior, and they assert themselves as the number one priority in her life at any given time.

If you're really lucky, you'll get one who does it with going to the bathroom, too. Honestly, every time we were about to go somewhere, my ex had to take a dump right as I was getting our coats out of the closet to leave. He made us late more times than I can count.

To give you an idea of where I place this on the grand scale of human behavior, two-year-olds are known to tug on their mamas' pant-legs when their mamas are involved in something or talking to the other children, and they are known to engage in fecal passive-aggressiveness.

Tried to rep you but they told me to spread the love. LOL.

I don't necessarily agree with your stance because I haven't experienced it myself. My husband has realized that once I have sleep on the brain, I'm not easily deterred. For that reason, if I don't initiate first, he chooses an earlier hour after the kids are in bed. That way we're both happy.

But I seriously laughed at the comment about fecal passive-aggressiveness. That one I have experienced with my 4 year old. lol

[2mares]

[quote=Yzette;23629076]

Don't you know that you're supposed to be ready, willing, and able to drop anything and everything you might be doing when Mr. Happy rises to tumescent glory?

Yeah, I must have missed that memo.

Okay, that was harsh. How can I say this without sounding like I'm generalizing? This is not uncommon among the male of the species. Not all men do this, of course. But I've run across it, as well, and I'm convinced it's a control thing stemming from insecurity. It's like they just can't stand to see their partner focused on something that isn't them if they're in her presence, so they seek to take her away from what she's doing. In this way, they control both their sex life and their partner's behavior, and they assert themselves as the number one priority in her life at any given time.

If you're really lucky, you'll get one who does it with going to the bathroom, too. Honestly, every time we were about to go somewhere, my ex had to take a dump right as I was getting our coats out of the closet to leave. He made us late more times than I can count.

To give you an idea of where I place this on the grand scale of human behavior, two-year-olds are known to tug on their mamas' pant-legs when their mamas are involved in something or talking to the other children, and they are known to engage in fecal passive-aggressiveness.

Ive experienced that with other guys but not to the extent with the ex. Usually a guy will get it after a while. When that behavior is accompied by NPD, not so much.

I dont know how much the ex complained to others, but one memorable moment was when he was whinning about us not having sex and he said that I was going to cause his dad to have a heart attack becasue of it.. Still havent figured that logic out.

[thriftylefty]

Unfortunately sex is a very effective and convient bargaining chip. Once it is used in that way it is too hard not to use it again and again to make deals with your spouse. Thats the begining of the end of your sex life.