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I'm not a swinger - but know 2 very attractive, classy couples that do go to swing clubs and private swing parties. It goes against what I feel a committed relationship traditionally entails. However, I can accept the fact that my views are not a one-size-fits-all and everyone is entitled to exercise their own free will as agreed upon with their own partner, just as I do with mine to remain monogamous.
This is a subject that I could generally argue until I'm blue in the face, but as I grow older - meh, I'm just giving less and less of a sh*t. What really matters is me and mine.
I'm not a swinger - but know 2 very attractive, classy couples that do go to swing clubs and private swing parties. It goes against what I feel a committed relationship traditionally entails. However, I can accept the fact that my views are not a one-size-fits-all and everyone is entitled to exercise their own free will as agreed upon with their own partner, just as I do with mine to remain monogamous.
This is a subject that I could generally argue until I'm blue in the face, but as I grow older - meh, I'm just giving less and less of a sh*t. What really matters is me and mine.
It is difficult to keep a happy loving sexually satisfying Marriage. Long term commitments take hard work, self sacrifice, love, and forgiveness. These qualities are not in abundance among people anymore. Many adults had an early adulthood of fun in chasing, being chased and pursued, and enjoyed a variety of sexual partners. When marriage gets challenging and life gets boring and tedious, and people get to feel like their life is slipping away, memories of this fun life in early adulthood will crop up, and many will cheat, divorce, swing, swap, etc. They want to have fun for as long as possible. Its not all that hard to figure out.
The thing about "swinging" is, it almost ALWAYS involves one partner who wants to, and the other partner just goes along with it.
It's certainly not my idea of a relationship but wth...whatever floats your boat.
The fact that this guy got mad with you implies to me that you were right up there on the moral high ground, judging the hell out of him and his wife.
You may have certain moral sensibilities you like to broadcast, he may have too, in that people shouldn't judge each other.
You are judging yourself as somehow superior because you keep your pants zipped. I seriously question this as a sign of moral integrity...you may spend your spare time kicking orphans for all we know. Why would you want to look down on someone who doesn't share your own very high moral standards? It doesn't mean YOU'RE RIGHT AND THEY'RE WRONG...it just means you're different.
The thing about "swinging" is, it almost ALWAYS involves one partner who wants to, and the other partner just goes along with it.
It's certainly not my idea of a relationship but wth...whatever floats your boat.
The fact that this guy got mad with you implies to me that you were right up there on the moral high ground, judging the hell out of him and his wife.
You may have certain moral sensibilities you like to broadcast, he may have too, in that people shouldn't judge each other.
You are judging yourself as somehow superior because you keep your pants zipped. I seriously question this as a sign of moral integrity...you may spend your spare time kicking orphans for all we know. Why would you want to look down on someone who doesn't share your own very high moral standards? It doesn't mean YOU'RE RIGHT AND THEY'RE WRONG...it just means you're different.
Actually, you captured the issue perfectly.
To me, the ethical question of swinging is 'Does it cause harm to the marriage/relationship?' And, as you state, if only one person is really into it while the other is just going with the flow to make the partner happy, then the answer is an emphatic 'yes.'
I mean, I totally get compromise. MrsCPG will let me watch a baseball game and I will let her watch one of her detective shows. MrsCPG will indulge me a visit to a civil war museum on vacation while I go with her to a fabric market without complaint. For those kinds of compromises are small ones that don't hurt anyone's feelings and only require a couple of hours sacrifice.
One cannot say the same about going to a swinger's party where body parts will be sawing in and out of other body parts. If one person is enthusiastic about it while the other is not, then it becomes a big emotional mess in a hurry. And if you really love someone, how can you be blind to your partner's vulnerabilities during the pursuit of pleasure?
I mean, if both parties are truly thrilled with the idea, sure thing. It's not for me, but it's not for me to judge who does whom on Saturday night. But as you said yourself, if someone is essentially bamboozling the other into participating, there's nothing right with that scenario.
I don't care what people do if single, I am no poster boy for morality myself, but if people want to mess around get single or stay single.
But all this has been messing with my mind recently, depressing me a bit. What happened to me at the bar, that guys viewpoint , and how so many people get divorced now and how they f... around. I know several people after years of marriage, it falling apart or where one of them cheats. It is more normal than not now.
It is all I see out there. And it scares the crap out of me and enforces my fear of even trying to find a long term commitment anymore. I am NOT gonna be the guy who's wife is trying to get some strange while I am at home. And I am not going to the guy who lets his woman get open sex from others in order to save their marriage. I am not going to be the guy who after 20 years of marriage has his wife leave him to reunite with a long lost from facebook.
I cannot understand how a guy would be alright with his woman doing other guys, even if it is supposedly that he has her heart and those other guys are just sport.
Yeah I am judgmental that way, I think those guys are loosers....
He said the world will take a dump on me if I don't grow up, I think it already has.......
Right there with you brother. I've seen couples make vows to each other & in front of God at weddings only to break them at the first opportunity. The state of marriage is quite depressing. The more $lut shaming of both female & male-$luts the better. That's the only way it'll stop.
"I love only you in soul, the other person was just sport or business or tension release"...
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