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I don't believe anyone is telling him he can never ride his bike again...
and by the way, he's going to be a dad now, so, he will eventually start changing...(believe it's a slower change from a boy into manhood) However, he shouldn't have to totally give it up, but cut back a lot, yeah...he won't have time...b/c he's going to have to help out at home...
I agree with that, family first by a mile, and compromise on his passion(s)
Just4Fun31, most of the reactions from your wife seem fairly normal for people when kids are in the picture. I understand you have passions, but you seem rather selfish (and immature), for someone who's already married and about to become a father: My personal wants...My bike...My life is going to change...what about your wife? I'm certain she's giving up things (she doesn't want) while she's pregnant...are you considering that at all? She's expected to make all the sacrifices and you can't compromise? What saddens me is this is usually a happy moment for both future parents, and all you can think about is your bike and events instead of your child. Don't any of your friends have children? Why not ask couples or people who have had kids already?
I think you should update this post a year from now. Once your kid is born, you'll likely see how your perception has changed. As your kid grows, you'll be buying their first bike/trike, and watch him/her compete with you. No one is saying you'll have to give up biking forever, but I think your wife should get more support from you right now.
Did you ever stop to thing think maybe the women you fell in love with wouldn't be the best women to raise a child? And maybe shes going through these changes to adapt to the new circumstances she was dealt?
Not every women was born with maternal, neutering instincts and maybe she's in panic mode trying to figure out how to become the person she needs to be in order to raise this child in the best way possible.
THIS WAS AN ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCY! Maybe she wanted to be your motorcycle partner for the rest of her life and a baby was never part of her plan.
She's freaking out right now. Don't agree with anything for the time being. Focus on getting her through the pregnancy and definitely dial back your own activities. She may begin to relax. But think about it this way: She's got a body that's completely warped right now, she's got a new life growing inside her that she will be solely responsible for if you become road pizza and probably doesn't feel in control of much of anything right now. Some women slide into serenity when they're preggers and some go through sheer hell. Right now she is questioning her desirability, your fidelity, her family's safety, etc. So for the duration of the pregnancy and the first six months of the baby's life, DIAL IT BACK. But also don't promise ANYTHING except your continued love and commitment to your family and that you will behave in a rational and safe manner. When she is back to herself, and you are sure there is no post-partum depression going on, you guys can revisit these topics, re-negotiate and compromise on the rules of the relationship and maybe get yourselves to a couples counselor to work through things. Pregnancy is a weird time for a woman. It's weird for a guy, but you don't have a person actually growing in you. Don't panic. Focus on your woman and your kid, and squeeze the bike in when you can. And yeah, this is just what you do. I lived with a biker for a year - his bike was broken at the time and he was out of money. He survived just fine without it, found a lot of other things to occupy his time, and he didn't even have a new baby.
Ok i cant leave it alone ? Findly185 the one sacrafice shes asking isnt that easy ! See i currently own my bike no payment !! To replace it 5 yrs from now it would cost me 25,000 i made double payments to pay this bike off and wirh the expense of a child i wont be able to do that again also unlike a few on here when in the next 20 yrs can i responsibly justify spending that kind of money again when it could start a college fund or pay for a family vac, or hell a family room built on house ! A bike only i maybe the wife alittle can enjoy i know if i sell it the kid will be raised before i justify buying another one and this one costs me nothing ! If it were a 700 per month payment there would be no question here !!!
Ok i cant leave it alone ? Findly185 the one sacrafice shes asking isnt that easy ! See i currently own my bike no payment !! To replace it 5 yrs from now it would cost me 25,000 i made double payments to pay this bike off and wirh the expense of a child i wont be able to do that again also unlike a few on here when in the next 20 yrs can i responsibly justify spending that kind of money again when it could start a college fund or pay for a family vac, or hell a family room built on house ! A bike only i maybe the wife alittle can enjoy i know if i sell it the kid will be raised before i justify buying another one and this one costs me nothing ! If it were a 700 per month payment there would be no question here !!!
I'm not saying sell it. I was using my 70k horse (a lot more than 25k) as an example. I was saying everyone has to make sacrifices, sometimes they are extremely extremely hard. I had my horse for almost 10 years but realized 1200 a month in board and time I spent at the barn and horses hows were not in my cards at this point of my life anymore. I lamented the loss (emotional attachment-losing a pet essentially) it was difficult, but it opened new doors for me.
I am sure once the child is in the pic, you'll be spending your weekends going to the park, teaching him/her to ride a bike, playing sports and those things will become your joy in life and the while the bike will still be there, it wont seem like an end all be all like it seems to you right now.
Ok i cant leave it alone ? Findly185 the one sacrafice shes asking isnt that easy ! See i currently own my bike no payment !! To replace it 5 yrs from now it would cost me 25,000 i made double payments to pay this bike off and wirh the expense of a child i wont be able to do that again also unlike a few on here when in the next 20 yrs can i responsibly justify spending that kind of money again when it could start a college fund or pay for a family vac, or hell a family room built on house ! A bike only i maybe the wife alittle can enjoy i know if i sell it the kid will be raised before i justify buying another one and this one costs me nothing ! If it were a 700 per month payment there would be no question here !!!
Keep the bike. Garage it. Tell her you'll put it away until she can ride with you again (i.e. not pregnant).
I never forbid my husband from drinking when I was pregnant. I was never a big drinker to begin with, but it did bother me somewhat that he wasn't willing to abstain from drinking beers socially once in awhile. It was probably irrational but it made me feel like he was just carrying on business as usual while I was stuck giving up every aspect of my personal freedom to bear his child. It bred some resentment. I got over it quickly because he is a good man and I could see his side of the argument, but if I'm being honest....it still bothered me. The point: Maybe your wife is miffed that you get to go out riding and drinking while she can't do either. Maybe giving up those things while she is pregnant would make her feel more comforted that you are both in this together. Not just her making all the sacrifices!
Chessiemom- ok ur last post is constructive critisizm not ur previous posts !! I have honored her wishes and not been at a single event yet on my bike , but her persistance bothers me ? I am around an here for her 100% of the time ! Alot of it is simply cause she cant go with me so i dont go either, but this talk of selling done with bikes , thats alittle much ! Its not what im missing now its the talk of wanting me to walk away perminately that i dont like !
Yeah, compromise with her - don't sell it. Put the bike in a storage locker for the time being. That's what the guys I knew back in Jersey did for the winter if they didn't have their own garage space (if they didn't keep it in the living room). It'll be out of sight and out of mind until she gets back to normal.
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