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Depends on the couple, depends on the individuals.
I, too, know the high school sweethearts with the long and happy marriages. I also know people who didn't meet until well into their thirties who are going strong, after having dated a bunch of people in their teens and twenties. I know couples where one person is the other's first serious relationship, but their partner has been in serious relationships before.
There's no one formula that works over others. Some people will always be curious about what else is out there, no matter how much or how little they've dated. Others cherish what they've got and aren't motivated to see what they might be missing. One thing that doesn't work is when one person is the former, and the other person is the latter.
I think for me ... it's more about what I've become than what I want.
I'm so much more mature now than I was in high school. I'm still a good guy, but really, I'm a different person in terms of so many things.
So, the person who I married back then is probably not the person I would want now.
In terms of going through many women to get to know what you want I agree a little, but I'd rather just find someone nice and cool and get it over with.
Dating really blows.
It really depends...some people grow together, not apart.
My brother started dating a girl when he was 17 year old, and a junior in high school. She was 16 and a sophomore. They were exclusive through the rest of each of their high school years, including the year he started college several hours away, and she finished high school. She graduated, and started college, at a school about four hours from his. They stayed together. He graduated and started working, she graduated and went on to grad school, even further away. They stayed together. She finished grad school, and they got married. They've weathered career changes, layoffs, relocation. They've worked at their relationship same as anybody else. They've been married almost ten years. They grew up together. Neither is the same person they were at 16 and 17, obviously. But their love and respect for one another has never diminished, only grown. There's nothing saying you can't meet somebody who is right for you, just because you happen to be a teenager when you meet them. It doesn't happen to everyone...but it does happen.
I am one of the lucky ones who found love in my thirties. I married my college sweetheart and we grew apart. I don't think you have to be with numerous people but I certainly agree that knowing what you don't want helps you know what you do want.
I beg to disagree! The worst marriages I've seen are from people who married young, they usually hold a lot of grudges because of past things. The ones who married in their 40s fit with each other much better, they really know what they want.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
This^^.
And here's the thing. Getting married when you are both young has a tremendous advantage in that you both will learn and bend and grow together. It is FAR easier to marry and remain happily so, when you are younger, rather than when you are older. I always think of it like two trees. If planted together when they are young, they grow side-by-side, and curve together and support each other. But if you take those same trees when they have separately matured, and then try and plant them side-by-side...they just don't fit...unless you are very very lucky.
I'm not interested in marriage again, I've been bending on my on far too long.
I agree with most of what you just said, but this line just made me LOL a bit. I hope you don't take offense. Everyone "dates" casually in highschool....it's highschool. Those aren't adult relationships.
No, I'm not offended. I guess I could have just said we met in HS and then people would have assumed I dated casually before him.
Sometimes I'm wordy.
I beg to disagree! The worst marriages I've seen are from people who married young, they usually hold a lot of grudges because of past things. The ones who married in their 40s fit with each other much better, they really know what they want.
I'm curious, what kind of grudges over "past things" could they possibly have if they met early in life?
Also, that's really not about being young or old, that's about poor communcation.
I partly agree with the OP. Though I believe its not about being with 'several' people or its not about having sex partners before marrying or settling down. I think its about building relationships, we grow from those experiences. Heart breaks are intensly humbling in my opinion. I feel sorry for those who never had at least one in their lifetime. Breakups/heartbreaks teach you about love, not taking things for granted, I believe that .
I think people who are still with the only person they dated, well I think either a. they are damn lucky (I bet most of them don't know how lucky they are), they have bypassed painful and agonizing heartbreak, rejection, etcera or b. co-dependent or fearful and or doomed.
I have had two real relationships (dated a lot when I was single though). One lasted 16 years, and now in my second long-term going on 5 years ( this better be my last one LOL). And I am very happy! All my experiences had led me to someone I finally earned and deserve!
But love is hard to come by, so no matter what age or level of experience just go for it and not take it for granted.
And here's the thing. Getting married when you are both young has a tremendous advantage in that you both will learn and bend and grow together. It is FAR easier to marry and remain happily so, when you are younger, rather than when you are older. I always think of it like two trees. If planted together when they are young, they grow side-by-side, and curve together and support each other. But if you take those same trees when they have separately matured, and then try and plant them side-by-side...they just don't fit...unless you are very very lucky.
I'm not interested in marriage again, I've been bending on my on far too long.
I think this is the wrong question. For me the question is: what does one gain from the experiences they have in relationships? For those of us who did not marry our childhood sweethearts, we'll never know how that relationship would have compared with the others we have been a part of. The main thing for me, eventually, was to learn from my experiences so that once I did decide to remarry I would better know how to conduct myself.
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(I bet most of them don't know how lucky they are), they have bypassed painful and agonizing heartbreak, rejection, etcera or b. co-dependent or fearful and or doomed. 
