When your SO "comes clean"... (girlfriend, guy, cheating)
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When your SO comes clean about something they've lied to you about for years... what's the core of your response (whether hypothetical or experiential)? Are you (1) glad they finally told you the truth; (2) pi$$ed that they've lied for so long, which causes you to trust them less; (3) a combination of 1 and 2; (4) other.
I'm really looking for your thoughts. This has just happened - something this guy did with someone else before we were together. But I intuitively knew something had happened between him and this person I am disgusted by and I asked him periodically and he lied. And then last night I had a dream about it and told him about it and he finally came clean on it. I'm pretty angry because he lied for so long while it wouldn't have been a very big deal if he'd been honest. I really think he's trying to become a more honest person, but it's still hard to take the "old" lies.
It is wrong to compare it with me not finding it out at all. You need to compare it with me finding out they are lying.
If I found out that my girlfriend is cheating on me, then I will break up on the day. If she told me she has cheated on me, but regret it, I would also break up. If she have been lying for a long time, but decided to finally tell me then that would not help her case.
Coming clean is a good thing to do, and I respect that. But that doesn't mean your action was forgivable.
Just to be clear, this was something that happened with someone before we met, but the issue that gets me is that I thought so after I'd met the person, and he lied about it for 5 years! And it was someone I never would have suspected, except I just did for some ineffable reason. So he didn't cheat on me; he lied to me. Which of course always makes me wonder if he has also cheated on me. It's a trust problem, but somewhat allayed by the fact that he did finally tell the truth.
When your SO comes clean about something they've lied to you about for years... what's the core of your response (whether hypothetical or experiential)? Are you (1) glad they finally told you the truth; (2) pi$$ed that they've lied for so long, which causes you to trust them less; (3) a combination of 1 and 2; (4) other.
I'm really looking for your thoughts. This has just happened - something this guy did with someone else before we were together. But I intuitively knew something had happened between him and this person I am disgusted by and I asked him periodically and he lied. And then last night I had a dream about it and told him about it and he finally came clean on it. I'm pretty angry because he lied for so long while it wouldn't have been a very big deal if he'd been honest. I really think he's trying to become a more honest person, but it's still hard to take the "old" lies.
Thoughts? WWYD?
None of your business, time to get over it. The only exception would be select criminal activities.
Just to be clear, this was something that happened with someone before we met, but the issue that gets me is that I thought so after I'd met the person, and he lied about it for 5 years! And it was someone I never would have suspected, except I just did for some ineffable reason. So he didn't cheat on me; he lied to me. Which of course always makes me wonder if he has also cheated on me. It's a trust problem, but somewhat allayed by the fact that he did finally tell the truth.
People lie to you about the past when they think you would be a judgmental shrew if you heard the truth.
I vote you let it go, if he is otherwise a good guy.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Onglet. That is one side to lying. My preferred angle on it, though, is to tell the truth and it's up to the other person to make their choices accordingly. That's a core value of mine. And I just wish that was a value we shared. I really don't think it would be such a big deal if it hadn't been "such a big deal" to him that he had to lie about it. You know what I mean? Do you get that side of it?
When your SO comes clean about something they've lied to you about for years... what's the core of your response (whether hypothetical or experiential)? Are you (1) glad they finally told you the truth; (2) pi$$ed that they've lied for so long, which causes you to trust them less; (3) a combination of 1 and 2; (4) other.
I'm really looking for your thoughts. This has just happened - something this guy did with someone else before we were together. But I intuitively knew something had happened between him and this person I am disgusted by and I asked him periodically and he lied. And then last night I had a dream about it and told him about it and he finally came clean on it. I'm pretty angry because he lied for so long while it wouldn't have been a very big deal if he'd been honest. I really think he's trying to become a more honest person, but it's still hard to take the "old" lies.
Thoughts? WWYD?
Cut his penis off when he's sleeping. Then put it in his breakfast. Tell him when he's done eating. That b*stard will never lie to you again!
None of your concern if it happened well before you ever got together. Why in the world would you waste the time and energy worrying with it? If I were him I would walk away from you for making an issue out of a non issue since you were not even part of the equation at the time whatever happened happened. Who needs that sort of nonsense and drama, relationships are hard enough without bringing in old dirt from a past you were not even part of.
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