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Religion and tradition certainly were fundamental values in her life. He's the opposite. Atheist and very liberal for someone his age. But you could tell she loved him to bits.
Read the thread and all the comments but OP there is no answer to this. You will find insight but no answer.
I mean what they did it was between them two. In that decision they made was a combination of personal and social expectations that can involve look at different factors but still no single answer. Your granddad does not have a monopoly of cheating his spouse and being together for many years.
You don't have to accept that he loved your grandma despite his affairs. You can try to understand why he feels the way he does.
But if he had been cheating since the very beginning, it was either a marriage of convenience or she was really, really bad in bed.
It might have been a marriage of convenience. My grandfather's family has always been rather well off whereas my grandmother came from a family that was once wealthy but lost everything. So I wouldn't rule out that option.
My grandparents were married for 54 years. For decades my grandfather had a revolving door of mistresses. He always had an eye for pretty women and wouldn't let the best ones escape (he was extremely good looking when he was younger and up to his 50s). He was a very hard worker, very responsible when it came to the children (even though he was mostly absent) and never mistreated my grandmother. She was in charge at home and he complied. Her word was law.
My grandmother always knew but stayed in her position as a faithful and dedicated wife and mother. She didn't work and was completely dependent on him. She was also very religious and came from an ultraconservative family, so there was no choice but to keep the marriage.
Even as kid I remember sometimes seeing my grandfather in the car with much younger women.
She died just over a year ago from breast cancer. The other day I noticed that my grandfather, always a very arrogant, masculine, full of himself type of guy, now has a picture of her on his desk in the studio. He still doesn't allow anyone to sit in her place at the table.
At her funeral, I couldn't believe when I saw him washed in tears, totally devastated. I mean, this sounds cruel, but now he can have all the women he wants (sure he's old but he has the money). Why be such an hipocrite in the end?
No doubt, he was crying because he loved her. The fact your grandfather wanted sexual variety, and though he sought it in a way that were admittedly hurtful to your grandmother, doesn't mean he didn't care for her. For men, love and sex are usually pretty separate things. Even men who love their wives to death and completely faithful wish they could be with other women.
My grandparents were married for 54 years. For decades my grandfather had a revolving door of mistresses. He always had an eye for pretty women and wouldn't let the best ones escape (he was extremely good looking when he was younger and up to his 50s). He was a very hard worker, very responsible when it came to the children (even though he was mostly absent) and never mistreated my grandmother. She was in charge at home and he complied. Her word was law.
My grandmother always knew but stayed in her position as a faithful and dedicated wife and mother. She didn't work and was completely dependent on him. She was also very religious and came from an ultraconservative family, so there was no choice but to keep the marriage.
Even as kid I remember sometimes seeing my grandfather in the car with much younger women.
She died just over a year ago from breast cancer. The other day I noticed that my grandfather, always a very arrogant, masculine, full of himself type of guy, now has a picture of her on his desk in the studio. He still doesn't allow anyone to sit in her place at the table.
At her funeral, I couldn't believe when I saw him washed in tears, totally devastated. I mean, this sounds cruel, but now he can have all the women he wants (sure he's old but he has the money). Why be such an hipocrite in the end?
Just because he liked having different women (mistresses) in his life does not mean he couldn't love your Grandmother...maybe he just couldn't resist, and since your Grandma was obviously a forgiving and tolerant woman, he loved her even more...There are no "rules" to loving someone deeply. I see no hipocracy in his devastation at the loss of a women he loved and shared so much with...She was probably his "rock", his stability in life, constant, and reliable, his mourning is understandable.
To me there's lots of possibilities:
guilt
regret
sadness
anger
love
I doubt it's guilt or regret is one as it seems most guys defend male cheating and he probably thinks he was entitled to cheat as many guys do.
I don't doubt love is a strong possibility as in my opinion it's complete bs that guys show their love through sex. No just no ...sex is busting a nut in a hole for guys as it seems they compartmentalize extremely easily and most male fantasies/paradises/envied lifestyles are about sexual variety. Guys can show love through sex no different than gals however sex is not some inherent male way of expressing love or connecting.
Seems like a huge amount of guilt. Your Grandfather took advantage of your Grandmother and he knew it. It could be that somewhere in his logic he was going to "make it up" to her when they got older. Now she's gone and he never will be able to make it up to her - if he ever really was.
He may be admitting to himself that she was a far better person than he ever was. Your Grandmother probably was no saint but she was clearly devoted to the marrigae even though he wasn't.
I know this sounds harsh but a man that would let his Grandchild see him with another woman doesn't merit a whole lot of kind words.
That he doesn't let anyone sit in her chair and displays a photo of her,now, doesn't begin to attone for his actions when your Grandmother was alive. It's terribly ironic to me that he won't let anyone sit in her chair while he continues to occupy the house.
I wish you the best with the resolution of your mental conflict about this.
He feels bad for having cheated on her but he probably had reasons for it. Back then people married out of obligation and social pressure. She was the official wife, he knocked her up a few times to produce children and then he went to women who really knew how to please him. Can't blame the old man.
Give him your support though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Social Democrat
I know this sounds harsh but a man that would let his Grandchild see him with another woman doesn't merit a whole lot of kind words.
I can't see why, at least he was being honest with everybody.
To me there's lots of possibilities:
guilt
regret
sadness
anger
love
I doubt it's guilt or regret is one as it seems most guys defend male cheating and he probably thinks he was entitled to cheat as many guys do.
I don't doubt love is a strong possibility as in my opinion it's complete bs that guys show their love through sex. No just no ...sex is busting a nut in a hole for guys as it seems they compartmentalize extremely easily and most male fantasies/paradises/envied lifestyles are about sexual variety. Guys can show love through sex no different than gals however sex is not some inherent male way of expressing love or connecting.
Love and sex are two entirely different things. Apparently, your grandmother was not interested in treating your grandfather in a fashion that would eliminate his philandering; that is unfortunate. However, he was honorable enough to continue to support her and apparently love her despite his many opportunities to move on. He sounds like a pretty decent guy to me.
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...sex is busting a nut in a hole for guys as it seems they compartmentalize extremely easily and most male fantasies/paradises/envied lifestyles are about sexual variety. Guys can show love through sex no different than gals however sex is not some inherent male way of expressing love or connecting. 
