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Guilt hopefully. Sounds like a real treasure of a husband.... 54 years with a total bastard, what a prize in the lottery of life ! Or maybe the habit of living with someone for 54 years, you get used to having that presence of your spouse no matter how craply you treated her and abused her.
I simply do not accept that you cheat on someone you Love. That to me is incomprehensible.
If getting into other woman's pants is more important than the woman you are supposed to Love you do not Love her. If you do not care about the pain, misery, and hurt you will cause, the lack of self esteem and the destruction of your relationship to that one person you do not Love that person. If your needs always come first then you are not in Love. And you are scum IMO. Period.
If you cannot stay faithful to one person , a very simple solution availalbe to ALL is NOT to get married and NOT to make promises you have no intention of keeping. Yes even in those days. Plenty of single people even then.
Stay single and be the playboy you always wanted to be. Not a very hard concept to grasp even for men with their brains firmly tucked in their underpants. Sleep around like a Dog and do not abuse your wife ( cheating is spousal psychological abuse unless you are in an open marriage).
Those of you who believe sex equals horrible, awful person are projecting your own values onto other people's lives.
There are plenty of us that realize scratching that itch isn't the worst thing someone can do. Not by far. Without talking to this man's dead wife, we don't know whether she was tortured daily by this knowledge, or just viewed the other women as throwaways that her husband used to sate his baser urges. Maybe she was low drive. We have no idea.
None of this is condoning extramarital affairs. It is only meant as a reminder that one person's ultimate no no is another's 'meh.'
As for the old man? He loved her. Love =/= sexual fidelity.
He liked the person she was and what she did for him, but that's not love. To love is to give and to want to make your beloved happy.
He was selfish, even though he probably had some good traits about him.
Like I said, I suppose he didn't see himself as a bad husband because he provived well financially. According to that generation's expectations of course.
At her funeral, I couldn't believe when I saw him washed in tears, totally devastated. I mean, this sounds cruel, but now he can have all the women he wants (sure he's old but he has the money). Why be such an hipocrite in the end?
No they are not, I vehemently disagree with this widely held misconception, the two are very closely linked. What a pity that the Gramdpa never learned this. As an older male that has always been a one woman man and never been unfaithful to the woman in my life, will state that sex with someone you love is absolutely wonderful, and have always been puzzled as to why any person, man or woman, would wish to stray from something so good.
It's hard to think someone who loves would not only cheat but rub that on his partner's face for decades. He didn't bring other women home but he surely wasn't exactly discreet as well.
I could understand cheating once or twice, nobody is perfect. But to lose count to the women you have been with?
I don't lose count, I have them on a spreadsheet!!
You must be young, because that would explain the lack of empathy.
1) Men can compartmentalize love and sex. Come to think of it, many women can, too.
2) People are quite complex.
3) For all you know, Grandma sucked in bed or just wasn't interested, but he still valued her as his companion in life.
Like I said, I suppose he didn't see himself as a bad husband because he provived well financially. According to that generation's expectations of course.
Probably.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackShoe
No they are not, I vehemently disagree with this widely held misconception, the two are very closely linked. What a pity that the Gramdpa never learned this. As an older male that has always been a one woman man and never been unfaithful to the woman in my life, will state that sex with someone you love is absolutely wonderful, and have always been puzzled as to why any person, man or woman, would wish to stray from something so good.
I agree. SOME men and women separate love and sex, not all. My guess that most people don't.
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