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Please differentiate between good looking and attractive. Females are attracted to good looking guys, yes of course. But women are also attracted to guys who are not good looking. There are other factors involved. Therefore ----- you can be not good looking and still have girls attracted to you!
OP, they aren't ruling you out because you're not good looking (something you can't change), they're ruling you out because you're not attractive to them (something any guy can change).
Also the whole 5 second or minute rule or whatever, of course it holds some truth but there are always exceptions to the rule. You can be the guy they've known for 5 months, never wanted to sleep with and then they become attracted to you and want to sleep with you... I don't see why that's so hard to believe.
I'm always amazed at how absolutely positively sure people are that they have no interest in someone.
I'm not talking about the drunk douche who comes up to you 20 minutes before last call (though I have been that guy too). I'm talking about the guy/gal you have known for a year or maybe longer who you think is totally cool, but ... is just a friend in your eyes.
Well, I have never rejected anybody in 36 years and I likely won't for the next following decades, but I'm pretty sure if one of my gal pals who I thought was pretty cool was infatuated/in love with me and thought I was just the bees knees, I'd have to give it every consideration.
I'd at least sleep on it.
Yet every woman who has rejected me is so sure that there is no way I'll ever touch them in that manner in this lifetime. It's like seeing a cupcake and a pencil eraser on the kitchen counter. You eat the cupcake, you don't eat the eraser. It's THAT kind of sure.
Maybe this is just another case of beggars can't be choosers.
"Take your pity party to another forum, Jobaba. Nobody here wants to hear it!"
Rant, rant, rant.
Most of us think of it as failure to accept not rejection. There has to be a reason to be in a romantic relationship. Not just because someone is interested. A feeling. A specialness. Not just let's try it out cuz he is there.
This is something that I have observed: A lot of these guys who know a girl for a long time and then end up confessing to her that they are in love usually fit into the following profile:
Introverted, shy, "nice" or whatever-you-want-to-call-him guy who, when he first met the girl, didn't really have the courage to approach her other than as a friendly "nice" guy who is only interested in being her friend and nothing more. And during this friendship, this type of guy usually makes it a point for her to notice how nice he is and how he is the opposite of a douche. In reality, this guy would have loved to ask her out early on but he simply didn't have to courage to do so. And very often this type of guy would actually go out with pretty much any girl that said yes. A lot of guys that fit into this profile keep doing this over and over and over...
1) Meet girl, any girl;
2) Become friends with her because they don't dare ask her out;
3) Fall in love with her immediately, as soon as the friendship begins;
4) Hope that she will realize he is so much nicer than all the other douches who she dates, and that she will soon see the light and fall for him, the guy who has always been by her side while the douches come and go;
5) When (4) never happens, he will eventually confess his love for her.
The thing is, most girls don't tick like that. Girls like guys to be confident, to go after what they want. A guy showing the behavior above obviously lacks those traits, and this will show in every other aspect of his personality / behavior. And thus the girl is truly not interested in anything more than a friendship. Not because she doesn't like him or because he got "friend-zoned".
Anyway, this may be a generalization, but that's something I've noticed.
This is something that I have observed: A lot of these guys who know a girl for a long time and then end up confessing to her that they are in love usually fit into the following profile:
Introverted, shy, "nice" or whatever-you-want-to-call-him guy who, when he first met the girl, didn't really have the courage to approach her other than as a friendly "nice" guy who is only interested in being her friend and nothing more. And during this friendship, this type of guy usually makes it a point for her to notice how nice he is and how he is the opposite of a douche. In reality, this guy would have loved to ask her out early on but he simply didn't have to courage to do so. And very often this type of guy would actually go out with pretty much any girl that said yes. A lot of guys that fit into this profile keep doing this over and over and over...
1) Meet girl, any girl;
2) Become friends with her because they don't dare ask her out;
3) Fall in love with her immediately, as soon as the friendship begins;
4) Hope that she will realize he is so much nicer than all the other douches who she dates, and that she will soon see the light and fall for him, the guy who has always been by her side while the douches come and go;
5) When (4) never happens, he will eventually confess his love for her.
The thing is, most girls don't tick like that. Girls like guys to be confident, to go after what they want. A guy showing the behavior above obviously lacks those traits, and this will show in every other aspect of his personality / behavior. And thus the girl is truly not interested in anything more than a friendship. Not because she doesn't like him or because he got "friend-zoned".
Anyway, this may be a generalization, but that's something I've noticed.
Hmmm...
Yea, not really.
I've been rejected over 200 times by women, including several times by other women while I was getting to know the women who have inspired this thread.
I mean, you could say that I lack confidence in general, but my failure is definitely not from lack of trying.
Some people like to think the above scenario is true, but in my case, the women became more attractive to me as I got to know her better.
If you get to know her, she already thinks of you as a friend. If you ask her out right away, you're not cute enough to pull that off.
It's really a no-win situation. But that's OK. I'm not in it to win the game anymore.
I'm always amazed at how absolutely positively sure people are that they have no interest in someone.
I'm not talking about the drunk douche who comes up to you 20 minutes before last call (though I have been that guy too). I'm talking about the guy/gal you have known for a year or maybe longer who you think is totally cool, but ... is just a friend in your eyes.
Well, I have never rejected anybody in 36 years and I likely won't for the next following decades, but I'm pretty sure if one of my gal pals who I thought was pretty cool was infatuated/in love with me and thought I was just the bees knees, I'd have to give it every consideration.
I'd at least sleep on it.
Yet every woman who has rejected me is so sure that there is no way I'll ever touch them in that manner in this lifetime. It's like seeing a cupcake and a pencil eraser on the kitchen counter. You eat the cupcake, you don't eat the eraser. It's THAT kind of sure.
Maybe this is just another case of beggars can't be choosers.
"Take your pity party to another forum, Jobaba. Nobody here wants to hear it!"
Rant, rant, rant.
Vent, vent, vent.
The only way I can explain it is that people are different. Some people form conclusions faster than others. wcis.
This is something that I have observed: A lot of these guys who know a girl for a long time and then end up confessing to her that they are in love usually fit into the following profile:
Introverted, shy, "nice" or whatever-you-want-to-call-him guy who, when he first met the girl, didn't really have the courage to approach her other than as a friendly "nice" guy who is only interested in being her friend and nothing more. And during this friendship, this type of guy usually makes it a point for her to notice how nice he is and how he is the opposite of a douche. In reality, this guy would have loved to ask her out early on but he simply didn't have to courage to do so. And very often this type of guy would actually go out with pretty much any girl that said yes. A lot of guys that fit into this profile keep doing this over and over and over...
1) Meet girl, any girl;
2) Become friends with her because they don't dare ask her out;
3) Fall in love with her immediately, as soon as the friendship begins;
4) Hope that she will realize he is so much nicer than all the other douches who she dates, and that she will soon see the light and fall for him, the guy who has always been by her side while the douches come and go;
5) When (4) never happens, he will eventually confess his love for her.
The thing is, most girls don't tick like that. Girls like guys to be confident, to go after what they want. A guy showing the behavior above obviously lacks those traits, and this will show in every other aspect of his personality / behavior. And thus the girl is truly not interested in anything more than a friendship. Not because she doesn't like him or because he got "friend-zoned".
Anyway, this may be a generalization, but that's something I've noticed.
I used to be exactly like this from 15 until 18. Now I try to be more confident and assertive, and ask out people I'm romantically attached to quickly to avoid the friend label. All it is has resulted is faster rejections. In a way, it is better. It's like jumping into the icy pool versus slowly inching your way into it. The end result is the same, but at least I'm not left wishing and hoping now.
I'm always amazed at how absolutely positively sure people are that they have no interest in someone.
I'm not talking about the drunk douche who comes up to you 20 minutes before last call (though I have been that guy too). I'm talking about the guy/gal you have known for a year or maybe longer who you think is totally cool, but ... is just a friend in your eyes.
Well, I have never rejected anybody in 36 years and I likely won't for the next following decades, but I'm pretty sure if one of my gal pals who I thought was pretty cool was infatuated/in love with me and thought I was just the bees knees, I'd have to give it every consideration.
I'd at least sleep on it.
Yet every woman who has rejected me is so sure that there is no way I'll ever touch them in that manner in this lifetime. It's like seeing a cupcake and a pencil eraser on the kitchen counter. You eat the cupcake, you don't eat the eraser. It's THAT kind of sure.
Maybe this is just another case of beggars can't be choosers.
"Take your pity party to another forum, Jobaba. Nobody here wants to hear it!"
Rant, rant, rant.
that's fine if you want to sit around and take all comers with no kind of discrepancy but that's not how most other people work, comes across as somewhat desperate.
Because even if she would, I would not want to date someone who decides if they are going to enter a relationship with a man after 5 minutes of meeting him.
Are you aware that you could be throwing away the greatest person in the world just because he doesn't get you wet/hard?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012
Thats almost all women on this globe. Its a perfectly normal and common thing and it isnt changing anytime soon.
That's a lot of men, too. It's people in general. How many guys out there will not date a girl because she is too fat? Or too skinny? Or not the right ethnicity? Or is too short, or too girly, or is a tomboy, or is too weak, or is too strong, or is too quiet, or is too loud, or has black hair, or has blonde hair, etc...The list of possible disqualifiers could go on forever. Now every person has his or her own definition of attraction, and I suppose I cannot fault them for that. But when we narrow our parameters to fit a certain mold and rule out anyone who does not fit this mold, we likely are passing on a wonderful partner.
I would not tell a guy that he was wrong for rejecting a girl because she was overweight. I would think he was narrow minded, though. When I was dating I made sure that I experienced as many different kinds of partners that I could. I never decided that I liked a certain kind of girl, I just liked them all. If someone was open to dating me and I found her attractive on some level (be it physical, personality, shared interests, etc) I was highly likely to give it a try.
I also think that the friend zone is an interesting place. There were a couple girls that I wanted to date a girl who was pretty clear that she did not want to date me. She politely tried to place me in the friend zone and I politely declined and moved on, which was better for both of us as it spared us from awkward moments in the future. There were other girls that I met and hung out with that initially I had no intention of dating, but it just sort of happened eventually. Life is dynamic. You just need to be ready and willing to see an opportunity and jump on it.
When you don't love all the way, you're not going to be the best you can be for someone.
this is hands down the best advice i can give as well, when it comes to dating. my buddies and i say, "if there's any doubt, there is no doubt". point being (just as srjth says), if you're not totally into it, you won't be able to give your all and neither you nor the other person will be happy.
i for one have never been the kind who can change his mind about a chic. as soon as i see her (ok, maybe within 10 seconds of seeing her) i'm pretty decided as to whether i want anything romantic or not to happen between us. i think most guys are like this, to be honest.
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