Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If there isn't physical chemistry to begin with move on.
Is it really about physical chemistry for most people?! No mental chemistry? No spiritual chemistry? No personality chemistry? Oh well. ....never mind.
But, OP, your point is exactly why some people advise to always go for a second date, even if there wasn't a "spark" on the first one. Because you never know. Sparks can take time to ignite.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-23-2012 at 08:06 PM..
Is it really about physical chemistry for most people?! No mental chemistry? No spiritual chemistry? No personality chemistry? Oh well. ....never mind.
She's not looking for relationships. All she's looking for are FWB or FB adventures. So her post makes sense for her needs.
Women date guys they think are hot and they get screwed over/dumped/break up badly all the time.
Would you rather date someone that
a) You think is really hot and you want to rip their clothes off but will dump you unceremoniously
or
b) Will take you to dinner, treat you great, inspire you, and you will share many great life experiences together.
Even though it might not work out, b) will give you some very good life experiences that you can look back on fondly.
I know that's the way I'd be thinking about it in a hypothetical world where I actually had the choice to reject somebody.
You're talking about women you've known for a long time, who make the decision to not date you, a good man who will treat them right, in favor of a possible @-hole jerk who is hot, but not looking for anything long-term.
The only problem with your scenario is that's not the way they, women, think about it.
They believe in secret option C, the guy who is attractive, not an a-hole jerk (or just not a huge one) and can possibly be husband material or relationship material.
Females don't want to waste time, money, life on guys they know aren't going to fit that mold, and I suppose from what you've said, they rule you out immediately. They date the attractive guy who is sort of an a-hole jerk, because he starts to fit the mold. Then he ruins it, but he could've been the one, so that's why they gave him those first few dates. Keep in mind, this is for women who want marriage and a man.
You're talking about women you've known for a long time, who make the decision to not date you, a good man who will treat them right, in favor of a possible @-hole jerk who is hot, but not looking for anything long-term.
The only problem with your scenario is that's not the way they, women, think about it.
They believe in secret option C, the guy who is attractive, not an a-hole jerk (or just not a huge one) and can possibly be husband material or relationship material.
Females don't want to waste time, money, life on guys they know aren't going to fit that mold, and I suppose from what you've said, they rule you out immediately. They date the attractive guy who is sort of an a-hole jerk, because he starts to fit the mold. Then he ruins it, but he could've been the one, so that's why they gave him those first few dates. Keep in mind, this is for women who want marriage and a man.
Often when a guy isn't relationship material this is because of his lifestyle, personality or many other factors. For example I reject dads off the bat. Could one of them be my soulmate? sure but I am not willing to take that chance.
I used to have this guy friend who couldn't understand why I wouldn't date him and who was only a friend. The reason? He was someone who had sex with anyone. He had sex with a mutual friend who was sleeping around, he had sex with prostitutes, he even had sex with men. Why would I want to date him? He also had schizophrenia too and his moods could get scary. We eventually parted as friends because he decided if I didn't want to date him we couldn't be friends either. He's still single as I saw his mom's obit in the papers and he didn't have a wife but his sister had her husband.
I'm always amazed at how absolutely positively sure people are that they have no interest in someone.
Well, I have never rejected anybody in 36 years and I likely won't for the next following decades, but I'm pretty sure if one of my gal pals who I thought was pretty cool was infatuated/in love with me and thought I was just the bees knees, I'd have to give it every consideration.
I'd at least sleep on it.
Yet every woman who has rejected me is so sure that there is no way I'll ever touch them in that manner in this lifetime. It's like seeing a cupcake and a pencil eraser on the kitchen counter. You eat the cupcake, you don't eat the eraser. It's THAT kind of sure.
Rant, rant, rant.
I'm not sure how sleeping on it changes her feelings for you overnight. I think in some cases, feelings could change over time...not overnight though.
Do you really think it would be a better option for her to go out with you a few times, for you to get your hopes up, and then have her reject you?
You're talking about women you've known for a long time, who make the decision to not date you, a good man who will treat them right, in favor of a possible @-hole jerk who is hot, but not looking for anything long-term.
The only problem with your scenario is that's not the way they, women, think about it.
They believe in secret option C, the guy who is attractive, not an a-hole jerk (or just not a huge one) and can possibly be husband material or relationship material.
Females don't want to waste time, money, life on guys they know aren't going to fit that mold, and I suppose from what you've said, they rule you out immediately. They date the attractive guy who is sort of an a-hole jerk, because he starts to fit the mold. Then he ruins it, but he could've been the one, so that's why they gave him those first few dates. Keep in mind, this is for women who want marriage and a man.
The more I think about your explanation the more it makes sense to me. That explains why rich and/or good looking men are such HOT commodities. I mean, I kind of knew it, but if you think about it in a 'every guy I date must be a potential husband' way, it makes more sense.
Oh well. I could have been a doctor. I was smart enough. I guess I have nobody to blame but myself.
One of my buddies once had a crush on me. I could've gone for it, but I didn't even consider the possibility. Please understand, I love this guy very dearly and he's very important to me. HOWEVER, he would not be a good partner for me. For one thing, he drinks more than I'm comfortable with. For another thing, he really enjoys pushing people's buttons - and I'm just not a button pusher and wouldn't have the necessary level of emotional comfort with him I want from a partner. He's also someone who tends to fall into depressions - and I have depression issues of my own. I could see us both enabling each other in that regard quite easily. He also needs someone to kind of keep him in line - seriously, he wants a woman who will rein him in. And I'm not interested in being that for anyone.
So I never took him up on what he was offering. A decade later, he's married to someone else - someone who gives him all the things he really needs from a relationship and would NEVER have gotten from me. She is perfect for him - they balance each other beautifully. We actually had a very indirect discussion about this one night when he was giving me a ride home, when we were talking about relationships and how I just never seemed to get them right. He told me all the reasons his marriage made him happy, and I remember feeling so glad for him, but also acknowledging that it was never something he would have had with me.
Jobaba, don't take it so personally. Don't take it as a rejection of YOU necessarily. I could have given things with my buddy a whirl - after all, he's one of the people I care most about in this world. But I didn't, because he's one of the people I care most about and one of my dearest friends - and I will not jeopardize that on an off chance that we could work through all the issues to be a couple, not when I know there are better and more likely choices out there, who also aren't already one of my dearest friends.
The more I think about your explanation the more it makes sense to me. That explains why rich and/or good looking men are such HOT commodities. I mean, I kind of knew it, but if you think about it in a 'every guy I date must be a potential husband' way, it makes more sense.
Oh well. I could have been a doctor. I was smart enough. I guess I have nobody to blame but myself.
And that damn guitar...
Lots of men who aren't anywhere close to rich and are just average looking manage to find love. I know plenty of average Joes who have found someone to make them happy. Maybe you need to get advice from an older guy that fits this category. The mantra here of women only wanting rich, hot looking men really doesn't play that way in the real world.
I've had crushes on many of my male friends but they just weren't into me physically. One of my closest friends is a man and we hang out/talk more than he talks with his own girlfriend. We'd probably make an excellent couple but he simply doesn't find me attractive and if there's no physical spark, there's no relationship.
It really doesn't matter how well you get along if you don't want to see your partner naked.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Oh well. ....never mind. 
