Single mothers, do men refuse to give you a chance?

[Faith2187]

Originally Posted by Caddy1316

I don't mind you girls, and I've casually dated moms. I just won't do a real ltr and catch feelings because unless my options start dwindling, I don't need to raise another man's kid to have a relationship

Completely understandable. Children aren't for the faint of heart. Especially ones that arent your own. i often joke that i hate every kid but my own. I have no issues with you for not dating a single mom. I also have no issues with men who love us single moms! :-)

Be back later, back to work.

[Ascension2012]

Originally Posted by jillabean

I get all about preferences... no worries there. I was just calling you out a little on the name calling is all (of men and their children--you didn't make fun of single moms as far as I could tell). Just for the record though, shortness isn't one of the things I have a preference against (well, I suppose that's relative to ones height... but based on threads here, the man I am dating is short because he's 5'8"). But I do have other preferences in men, so yeah, I get that. Believe it or not, one of mine is I don't like to date men that aren't also divorced (or widowers) and I have a stronger preference for divorced men with children too. I just feel they can relate to me better. It just happens the man I am dating now is divorced but has no kids (but he's good with kids and likes them... he wanted ones of his own, but his ex didn't want any).

Oh, I believe it. Before I got together with my current GF, I was dating a lot and my number one drawback that gave my dates a pause....wait for it.......... I was 37 yo guy who has never been married with no kids. Not a big deal but I always got a chuckle watching my dates trying to investigate without being too nosy as to why ive never been married. Damaged goods, for sure. haha

[Elained10]

I've been asked out a few times and I'm a single mum however I've refused

[Chowhound]

I don't think single mothers have much issue with the getting asked out part. It's just whether or not the guy that is asking is just "playing" around with her and knows that it won't go far.

That is probably a better way to frame the OP.

[jillabean]

Originally Posted by Chowhound

I don't think single mothers have much issue with the getting asked out part. It's just whether or not the guy that is asking is just "playing" around with her and knows that it won't go far.

That is probably a better way to frame the OP.

This is true... I got asked out a lot by late 20s- early 30-year-olds who've never been married. That's why I am am a bit picky when it comes to preferring divorced men with kids. It's probably unfair of me, but I assume the younger ones think they can get easy sex and they are just playing around (and I am not interested in that). I just don't buy that they are interested in me as a person. I really think they see me as either a cougar or have the assumption because I am a single mom I *must* be despite. Which isn't true

[findly185]

Single moms are No different then any other woman. If they're attractive they'll get dates if they're not

[s1alker]

Worst thing is the feeling that an alpha male had her first. You will always be the beta male provider when going with a single mom. Most likely she would have chosen the alpha male over you if you were in her life at the time.

[jsun556]

Originally Posted by s1alker

Worst thing is the feeling that an alpha male had her first. You will always be the beta male provider when going with a single mom. Most likely she would have chosen the alpha male over you if you were in her life at the time.

I agree with this. I will not be raising someone else's offspring.

[Tuna Meowt]

I've been off the market for over 20 years, but between Wife #1 and Wife #Now, I dated a few single moms. In fact, one of the best relationships I had during that time was with a single mom. We had a great time together and seemed very compatible; in fact, we probably would have become quite serious except for two things: the clinginess and an apparent desire on her part to get rid of her kids.

I didn't notice it at first, but she strove to keep her kids out of the picture whenever I was around. She'd either ship them off to their dad's for the weekend or to her mom's, and that was fine as far as it went. But when we started musing about possibly moving in together, she started making plans to send her kids to live with their dad *permanently.*

Look, I wasn't charged up about having an instant family, but the kids came with the woman. It was a package deal, and I understood and accepted that going in. But it really creeped me out that she seemed to want to *get rid of her own kids* in order to close the deal on moving in together. And the creepy sensation got even stronger when we had a condom break around that time and she seemed completely unconcerned about it.

We broke it off shortly after that. And a few years later, when the Susan Smith story in South Carolina came out, I figured that I had probably dodged a bullet.

Susan Smith - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Guys, there's nothing wrong with single moms. Some of them are fantastic people and IMO well worth knowing even if you don't find a life partner among them -- so don't reject them out of hand.

And ladies, if you're a single mom and looking for a guy, just accept that your kids are part of being with you and make that a condition on the men in your life. I don't think you want a man who's not prepared to accept you *and* the kids, so if you meet a guy who's prepared to be with you but not your kids, IMO you should just move on to the next candidate.

YMMV.