TIME photographer shows us the world of domestic violence. (man, cheating, young)
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I was stunned that Shane attacked Maggie in front of a witness, after failing to force her into the basement, and that he allowed the incident to be photographed. I was even more stunned that the photographer did not try to intervene in the assault or when Memphis entered the room. That would go against every instinct I have. I read the article so I know the police were on their way and intervention would probably have escalated the violence, but I wonder for how long the photographer was willing to just watch. They were in a kitchen--Shane could have stabbed her, or hit her head hard against something.
I'm not. He's an ex-con, which means he's stupid, arrogant, or both. Regardless of the crime, it's always the stupid and/or arrogant ones who get caught. Always.
As for the photographer, she was probably doing what every photojournalist does: Going by her training. Also, she's a woman. If he's getting violent with his girlfriend, nothing will stop him from knocking her into a wall. She did say that she only continued taking the photos after she confirmed that someone had called the police.
This series made me angry. Very angry. Yes, at Shane. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't angry about Maggie's lack of common sense, too. It boggles my mind how certain women invite trouble into their lives by communicating and forming relationships with inmates. That someone with small children would do so leaves me dumbfounded.
Yeah, yeah. Revoke my membership to the liberal club, but he wasn't some dopey kid who got caught doing something dopey, like smoking pot in the woods with his friends or spraypainting a wall. This guy had a rap sheet a mile long. Everything about him screamed skid. But then he proceeded to compete with a toddler, and get angry that a mother was paying attention to her son. Hello? At what point did the warning bells NOT go off that this guy was bad news?
I am glad that she decided to let Time publish the story. But you'll have to forgive me if I'm skeptical about it doing any good. Everyone here is shocked, because we already know better. But I can guarantee you there are women out there who are thinking, "Yeah, but my man is different. He'll change."
Once again, how do you know who supported the children? She didn't meet Shane in a bar; she was his sister's neighbor.
Common sense tells you that it's her "estranged husband". You know, there is no serious way to avoid paying child support as long as you have a job and a bank account that your company uses to pay your wage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larkspur123
She is very young...more than likely she grew up in a house where good choices weren't modeled to her.
I'd guess by your attitude you've always made good choices in all of your relationships.
That is so common thing that you can easily conclude the same is true for this ex convict. You know, let's not pretend that it's not true - devastating environment results with future problems that manifest through the children, and generally speaking, vast majority of problematic personalities have their roots from home environments in start, then comes society and everything else.
I don't think anyone absolved the victim for her role. She made plenty of mistakes and put herself an her kids in a bad position. I am big on personal responsibility and won't make excuses for her. But the circumstances that brought her to where she was is a debate all unto itself. More importantly it does not even begin to come close to being a justification for the abuse. Again, I am big on personal responsibility. I have no use for a man who lacks self control to such an astonishing degree that he would assault a woman. And in front of her child, too. What bothers me, and Nald alluded to this earlier, is that the system has little to no recourse for this sort of thing. This guy is a selfish POS. Does anyone believe that a night, month, or year in jail will fix him? Somewhere out there is a woman who is his next victim waiting to happen.
Was Maggie guiltless? The victims seldom are, but I will not let her lack of judgment overshadow the abuse. Long term, I hope this girl and her army husband can salvage this mess and create an environment that is safe and nurturing for all involved, especially the kids.
I was born on the bottom rung. I've seen plenty of this stuff. Referring to the PP, I used my brains to get myself out of the situation.
My feeling is somewhere in between trashing this woman for looking for men to solve her problems, and heaping praise on her just because she managed to get away from Shane. She absolutely needs to put her sex life and romantic needs on the back burner in order to develop some employable skills to care for those children. That isn't a class issue; that is being a PARENT. We don't know anything about the kids' dad, and whether she is bouncing from man to man, or really trying to create and maintain a family.
Yeah, but she's 19. Impulse control and other useful instincts are not fully developed yet. I will heap praise on her, because she went far beyond what my own relatives have done for their children despite their much better circumstances. She made a mistake with this guy and then she corrected it pretty quickly. That's a pretty good sign and much more than I've seen other people do in her situation. MUCH more.
She's got a long way to go, but she took an important first step.
I was born on the bottom rung. I've seen plenty of this stuff. Referring to the PP, I used my brains to get myself out of the situation.
My feeling is somewhere in between trashing this woman for looking for men to solve her problems, and heaping praise on her just because she managed to get away from Shane. She absolutely needs to put her sex life and romantic needs on the back burner in order to develop some employable skills to care for those children. That isn't a class issue; that is being a PARENT. We don't know anything about the kids' dad, and whether she is bouncing from man to man, or really trying to create and maintain a family.
I agree with you about the parenting issue. Like I had mentioned before it was troubling to me that she didn't leave when there was evidence of strain between Shane and her son. I'm surprised how men and women both are willing to date others who have issues with their kids......when that should eb a red flag.
I don't think anyone absolved the victim for her role. She made plenty of mistakes and put herself an her kids in a bad position. I am big on personal responsibility and won't make excuses for her. But the circumstances that brought her to where she was is a debate all unto itself. More importantly it does not even begin to come close to being a justification for the abuse. Again, I am big on personal responsibility. I have no use for a man who lacks self control to such an astonishing degree that he would assault a woman. And in front of her child, too. What bothers me, and Nald alluded to this earlier, is that the system has little to no recourse for this sort of thing. This guy is a selfish POS. Was his victim guiltless? They seldom are, but I will not let her lack of judgment overshadow the abuse. Long term, I hope this girl and her army husband can salvage this mess and create an environment that is safe and nurturing for all involved, especially the kids.
Aye. The first thing we learn in the sandbox is "NO HITTING."
Yeah, but she's 19. Impulse control and other useful instincts are not fully developed yet. I will heap praise on her, because she went far beyond what my own relatives have done for their children despite their much better circumstances. She made a mistake with this guy and then she corrected it pretty quickly. That's a pretty good sign and much more than I've seen other people do in her situation. MUCH more.
She's got a long way to go, but she took an important first step.
You don't quite understand. Some folks are just too big fools, they grew up being fools, their house doesn't react either by neglecting them or letting them do anything, etc. And now he acts the way he acts. I didn't quite understand who called for police, but all I know is that she has no other way than to RUN. She did the only thing he could in such situation.
While some folks will argue that she can call police over anything to deal with her problems, this just isn't feasible... when you're dealing with a fool, that fool can be really kind with you yet you'll always have that feeling that he might kill you the next moment he explodes. And you'll have it with a reason.
Taking him to the jail cell won't help, he'll get out. Issuing restriction orders won't help, cause he won't care when he explodes just like he didn't care that he's being photographed. Sending her to safe house won't help because she can't live in there forever. Her only option is to flee... best way to flee to someone's safety. My guess is that it's best to run to your relatives, especially if I don't know what happened with her previous husband.
This shows all futility of the system... and sends a clear message to all people out there - don't try to change people like Shane. They will generally never change. Smart folks will avoid them, and so should you. Don't let them get accustomed to you, sometimes you can't get rid of them. Do it carefully because you don't want to mess with them. Sooner or later, they'll run into another people like them and they'll "deal" with each other, system and society will be at rest that one of those fools will be no more. Believe it or not, that's how it goes.
Everybody is screaming "compassion" "understanding" "put yourself in her shoes."
This is not the point, folks
The point is that how do we as a society help these women get out of their situation.
Number one rule, remove the "I am the victim, save me" mentality. Nobody can change the past, NOBODY, but if you stuck in this I am the poor victim mentality, you will never get ahead. You will ways stay at the bottom of the food chain I am sorry. It is the fact
What did this woman do after the domestic violence? Run to Alaska to stay with her ex husband. Duh, this is another disaster in the making.
What society should have done for her is to help her realize her first and her foremost responsibility is herself and her precious children. NOT MEN. NO men can fill the void inside her, nobody can play the rescuer role, she must help herself.
We can show her all the compassion she needs, but what she desperately needed is to rely on herself for happiness. If she really is a contributory member of the society, she should stay away from men, any men for a while, heal her wounds, move forward as a whole person.
Instead, she still chose to run to Alaska for her ex man. Sorry if she does not change her behavior pattern and her mentality, she is forever doomed.
I was born on the bottom rung. I've seen plenty of this stuff. Referring to the PP, I used my brains to get myself out of the situation.
My feeling is somewhere in between trashing this woman for looking for men to solve her problems, and heaping praise on her just because she managed to get away from Shane. She absolutely needs to put her sex life and romantic needs on the back burner in order to develop some employable skills to care for those children. That isn't a class issue; that is being a PARENT. We don't know anything about the kids' dad, and whether she is bouncing from man to man, or really trying to create and maintain a family.
Everybody is screaming "compassion" "understanding" "put yourself in her shoes."
This is not the point, folks
The point is that how do we as a society help these women get out of their situation.
Number one rule, remove the "I am the victim, save me" mentality. Nobody can change the past, NOBODY, but if you stuck in this I am the poor victim mentality, you will never get ahead. You will ways stay at the bottom of the food chain I am sorry. It is the fact
What did this woman do after the domestic violence? Run to Alaska to stay with her ex husband. Duh, this is another disaster in the making.
What society should have done for her is to help her realize her first and her foremost responsibility is herself and her precious children. NOT MEN. NO men can fill the void inside her, nobody can play the rescuer role, she must help herself.
We can show her all the compassion she needs, but what she desperately needed is to rely on herself for happiness. If she really is a contributory member of the society, she should stay away from men, any men for a while, heal her wounds, move forward as a whole person.
Instead, she still chose to run to Alaska for her ex man. Sorry if she does not change her behavior pattern and her mentality, she is forever doomed.
I'm assuming this guy is the father of the kids, in Alaska? What information do you have to say that it is a bad decision to move closer to the kids' father?
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