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No. She never goes off on her own. The gum thing could just be from biting hard into too many apples degrading the gums around the lower front teeth. Her teeth and gums are otherwise very clean and healthy.
She's otherwise good spirited except for the occasional crankiness from fatigue from working.
Dude, she did a "numby" and that is NOT doing coccaine. Obviously you never experiemented and seem pretty sheltered when it comes to drugs. Outside of her not telling you, you shouldn't that concerned.
She also claims not to remember the times when she used, saying it was so infrequently, and states that she never snorted.
I guess I'm confused and would like your productive thoughts on a way forward. It's been about six days and my feelings are all over the place and it is strange.
She's snorted before, she just knows you'd probably lose your mind if you found out. It's like when a significant other cheats, you never get all the nitty gritty details, even if you press.
I would not make this a huge issue. If she starts partying and actually doing blow, not just a numby, on the regular, THEN I'd be concerned. This seems like a non issue.
Well....The sister lives on the west coast, so visits have been infrequent. We lived out there for about three years but then moved to the east coast. That is the good news because the sister does have a tremendous influence on her.
It has only been a week and if I take her for her word, then it was an infrequent mistake. But, I wonder whether she's minimizing use. She did require transplant of tissue for her lower gums, but she said the dentist felt it was from eating too many apples. She's in good shape and generally watches what she eats and does eat an apple or two a day, biting into it with vigor.
It will take me some time, but I would have loved to have had some sort of acknowledgement of my perspective, not a minimization of it that I'm naive and it was not that big of a deal to match my upset. I do feel betrayed but from what others are saying maybe I'm overreacting. I don't know.
But, the posts herein are very helpful (lighten up a bit; move on but be cautious; set up a plan for when getting together with her sister; watch how I respond because it could impact future disclosure).
Oh my God, do you know how many apples you would have to eat to cause gum damage?
This is a huge red flag.
Of course you think the posts that reassure you are helpful. They don't require you to consider the painful idea that your wife was a large-scale cocaine addict, to the point that she had gum surgery, and that she has DECEIVED you about recent use, which she only revealed under threat of discovery.
Overreacting? Please consider that you may have a big problem on your hands, and listen to your gut. You posted here for a reason.
Oh my God, do you know how many apples you would have to eat to cause gum damage?
This is a huge red flag.
Of course you think the posts that reassure you are helpful. They don't require you to consider the painful idea that your wife was a large-scale cocaine addict, to the point that she had gum surgery, and that she has DECEIVED you about recent use, which she only revealed under threat of discovery.
Overreacting? Please consider that you may have a big problem on your hands, and listen to your gut. You posted here for a reason.
You would have to do an insane amount of numbies to need gum surgery. Dipping (chewing tabacco) is much more corrosive to your gums.
The gum thing is weird - could be an indicator of drug use or just bad brushing. Does she leave you for long periods of time where you do not have contact with her? You would likely notice if she is on coke in your presence, it is hard to conceal the agitation from a spouse.
She never leaves for long periods of time. Her teeth and gums are otherwise in great shape (except for the lower front four teeth). And, this could be due to really chomping down on those apples. She seems otherwise very healthy and is in good shape. She's usually good spirited, but can be cranky after a hard day's work.
But, I wonder whether she's minimizing use. She did require transplant of tissue for her lower gums, but she said the dentist felt it was from eating too many apples.
Uh-oh. I was in the camp of telling you to chill until I read this. Eating too many apples? Seriously? Did you actually hear the dentist say this or is this what she claims he said? Biting into hard fruit might cause bruising from impact trauma but then she would often be complaining about tender gums, whereas cocaine use would cause tissue damage at the cellular level. I'm not buying the apples bs but maybe you should call her dentist and ask if eating too many apples could cause this and see if he laughs out loud.
Ask her to get drug tested tomorrow. Not next week but tomorrow. You don't really have to test her, just see how she reacts. Will she get all indignant and find reasons why she shouldn't have to take a test? Or will she be happy to ease your doubts?
She doesn't happen to be a skinny, hyper Wall Street trader whose nose bleeds a lot? Kidding. But does she still have nose hair? Kidding again.
Anyway, there is a reason you are concerned - whether it's suspected drug use or suspected dishonesty. It has gone from 2 times in 10 years, to now possibly 10 times in 10 years? That still doesn't indicate abuse. But is it the whole story from her? Either way, you two need to work on open, honest communication about all of this. And as others mentioned, do not be overly judgmental as to close down communication from her.
You would have to do an insane amount of numbies to need gum surgery. Dipping (chewing tabacco) is much more corrosive to your gums.
DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS POST.
So does she dip????
No.
My mom worked in the dental field my entire life. I know what causes gum DAMAGE (not disease) to the point that it would require surgery. It ain't apples, and it ain't a couple of numbies.
Just because you did drugs and are "fine" does not mean everyone should blow off info like this.
The deception is his biggest problem, and it also happens to be a big issue with drug users.
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