Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Dude, she did a "numby" and that is NOT doing coccaine. Obviously you never experiemented and seem pretty sheltered when it comes to drugs. Outside of her not telling you, you shouldn't that concerned.
You are correct. I am pretty sheltered when it comes to drug use. I don't even understand the lingo. What is a numby?
However, being a person who has used drugs, and seen friends become very addicted to them.. I know it can be a slippery slope.
If it's just one time putting some coke in her mouth, it's not a big deal.. it just numbs your mouth a little bit. However, drugs are addicting, and one thing usually leads to another. I would make sure to put an end to any drug use, and be very serious about it. It will ruin her, you and your family.
Oh my God, do you know how many apples you would have to eat to cause gum damage?
This is a huge red flag.
Of course you think the posts that reassure you are helpful. They don't require you to consider the painful idea that your wife was a large-scale cocaine addict, to the point that she had gum surgery, and that she has DECEIVED you about recent use, which she only revealed under threat of discovery.
Overreacting? Please consider that you may have a big problem on your hands, and listen to your gut. You posted here for a reason.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caddy1316
You would have to do an insane amount of numbies to need gum surgery. Dipping (chewing tabacco) is much more corrosive to your gums.
DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS POST.
It would take less cocaine than apples, and it wouldn't take an "insane" amount of numbies, but it would still require some regular cocaine use that particular way. Two times in 10 years isn't going to rot her gums.
BTW, the effect from a numby that isn't really big, and probably nothing to sprout an addiction.
When we first started dating, my wife mentioned that she had experimented with drugs including cocaine. We discussed and she said that she did not use anymore. I said I' m glad because I would have a tough time dating anyone who used. I thought we had an understanding. Well...it turns out that my wife has admitted to "touching" the stuff to her mouth on two occasions since we have been together and as recently as several months ago when she was alone with her sister and up all night dealing with her mom's crisis during the mom's 75th birthday. My wife claims that she was vulnerable because she was dealing with her mom's issues and this was only about two times out of 200 over the past 15 years that she "gave in" to her sister and touch the cocaine to her mouth. I believe that it has only been infrequently because she rarely goes out and rarely drinks. (We're both very busy with work and splitting child care responsibilities, and we don't have any family in the area).
Let's look at the parts in red again ...
My take?
Go back 16 years, before they are married.
Wife's family has PROBLEMS.
Wife sees this potential hubby as a path to legitimate lifestyle, a solid guy with no real issues.
She downplays her own past, which INCLUDES but is not limited to cocaine use, mainly because hubby "would have a problem" dating someone who used.
This and the deception and downplaying language she has used with him lately is classic masking behavior employed by those in recovery who are in danger of lapsing.
Wife sees this potential hubby as a path to legitimate lifestyle, a solid guy with no real issues.
She downplays her own past, which INCLUDES but is not limited to cocaine use, mainly because hubby "would have a problem" dating someone who used.
This and the deception and downplaying language she has used with him lately is classic masking behavior employed by those in recovery who are in danger of lapsing.
And she was completely fine for 16 years.... and now somehow she's just going to go back to being a druggie? Maybe if they were together for a year, got married and had been married for 1 year or so... but we're talking 16 years.
Let's be realistic here and give some benefit of the doubt to the wife..
I still buy some smokes when I'm out drinking with my buddies, doesn't mean I smoke.
She is a mom with kids in her care, a history of drug use in her family, some evasive behavior, and gum disease. I can see why the OP is having a difficult time with this.
Lots of people experiment without longterm consequences, while the suburbs also contain middle class moms who become fatally addicted to crack and prescription drugs (I know some of these women). The OP seems to somewhat distrust her and mentions the possibility she may have used other times. I think it's something that shouldn't be blown off (no pun intended). They need to continue to have an honest, ongoing conversation about all of this.
Also, cocaine differs from alcohol, cigarettes, pot, and other softer drugs as it is easier to OD, have heart attack, become addicted to it, etc... It is a more dangerous drug and it's use should be more closely monitored.
She is a mom with kids in her care, a history of drug use in her family, some evasive behavior, and gum disease. I can see why the OP is having a difficult time with this.
Lots of people experiment without longterm consequences, while the suburbs also contain middle class moms who become fatally addicted to crack and prescription drugs (I know some of these women). The OP seems to somewhat distrust her and mentions the possibility she may have used other times. I think it's something that shouldn't be blown off (no pun intended). They need to continue to have an honest, ongoing conversation about all of this.
Also, cocaine differs from alcohol, cigarettes, pot, and other softer drugs as it is easier to OD, have heart attack, become addicted to it, etc... It is a more dangerous drug and it's use should be more closely monitored.
Agree completely.
I don't think it's anything to start beating your chest in anger and filing for divorce though. I think both people should be civilized.
If the OP reacts poorly, it can only make the situation worse.
I don't think it's anything to start beating your chest in anger and filing for divorce though. I think both people should be civilized.
If the OP reacts poorly, it can only make the situation worse.
Definitely, he needs to be loving, supportive, and civilized about it. They need to work this out together. But they do need to completely address the issue and not sweep it under the table.
I have had friends who experimented with no consequence and are leading successful lives. And I have another friend who is an addict. It is heartbreaking. She was once a beautiful jetsetting woman with an MBA degree and a great executive career. She traveled the world - and partied everywhere. She now can't leave the house as she can't function in society. She finally kicked coke and now is on a steady stream of prescription drugs and scotch.
She is 40, but looks like a 65 year old with her wrinkles and sagging face and bad skin. She slurs when she speaks and has glossy eyes and sometimes doesn't bathe. She has had liver and pancreas surgery due to alcohol/drug abuse which has made her a diabetic. I worry that she doesn't have long to live. Her spouse is the CEO of Fortune 500 company so they have plenty of money to support her habit. For 15 years, I've watched a close friend destroy herself. I tried interventions, but her husband completely ignored the issue (I guess he is codependent) - that is what I do NOT want for the OP if it becomes something more serious.
Sorry to hear of your problems. I totally understand why you are shocked, I would be too. If my wife did that and admitted it to me, I would insist on a drug test to determine if she had in fact used the drug. If she refused the test I would next see an attorney and file for divorce. That may sound a bit harsh, but drug use is illegal and could cause you all kinds of problems, both financial and emotional. If she cares so little about her kids and you that she would "give in" she has a problem with her thought process. I would also tell her to cut all ties with her sister, and if she doesn't you are leaving and taking the kids with you. Now is the time to act on this, don't wait until she gets angry, files for divorce and forces you to pay child support and alimony. Don't think this couldn't happen to you, it has happened to others.
OP, drug test her and if she comes up clean, tell her not to do it again and move forward. I dont condone drug use at all, but the truth is that most people have dabbled with certain party drugs at some point in their lives. You may trust your wife completely, which is great, but Id feel a bit uneasy in your shoes, considering how you learned of her experiments. As someone already said, trust but verify.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
