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And this is the kind of crap conjecture the OP doesn't need. ^^^^
And so are the posts that say "Lighten up! It's just a numby!"
What's driving her to do drugs, if I am guessing correctly, is the pressure she feels being married to her husband, who apparently is quite the straight arrow, while dealing with her bad-girl tendencies, which given the background info in the OP she comes by honestly.
Trust me, you can suppress those tendencies for YEARS, but they're always there just below the surface. I don't think Capitol is that far off.
What she has told her husband reminds me of the stuff I used to tell my mom to get her off my back after my high school boyfriend brought me home too late. Admit just enough to satisfy their instincts ("He only put his hand under my shirt, but that's it!!!"), act appropriately remorseful ("I know it was wrong. It was kinda scary, and I'm really not ready to go that far,") then go on with your business ("Hey baby, see you after school tomorrow! Your parents are out of town, right?").
I explained earlier in the thread, with all kinds of links, why a drug test is a useless idea. Unless she has done it in the past 90 days, not even a hair test will reveal it. Likewise, there is a lot of room for error in those DIY tests, and a decent chance of a false positive depending on any prescription drugs she might be taking.
But does she know all that? As I said earlier, it isn't so much the test results that matter as her willingness to be tested. IF she is secretly using regularly she will find all kinds of reasons to not take a test and act all indignant whereas if she is on the level this could be a way to settle it once and for all.
A responsible adult shouldn't take cocaine when they are stressed and they have kids.
Exactly.... An adult should know they shouldn't take a stimulant like cocaine to relax and escape from stress from kids. Sheesh, what do you think pot is for? Only turn to cocaine when you need to stay up all night, like when you need to pull an all-nighter making the kids' Halloween costumes. Some moms are clueless.
Let me clarify some further details. She initially told me she used twice (1x on her 30th birthday and another just a few months ago). The next morning she recanted her admission saying that she was taken off guard and got her timeline mixed up. She also told me she no longer wished to talk about it because that past was her business. I told her that as her husband I had a right to know and that I felt that it was odd to admit something and then recant. The initial impulse is to deny when confronted, right? I also mentioned that I felt betrayed because we had talked about my intolerance for drug use when we first started dating. She assured me that it was in her past. When I asked whether she thought it would be appropriate for her to apologize, she responded in a condescending tone, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I am not going to talk about this anymore." To me, this suggested a serious problem. For instance, some woman may not have appreciated their husbands going out and getting lap dances from strippers from before they met. While the wife may have known about the past visits to gentleman's clubs before they were married, the wife was assured by the husband upon starting of the relationship that he no longer gets laps dances . Then, the wife finds out that on at least two occasions since marriage over the course of 15 years, taht the husband has received lap dances. This may not be the best metaphor, but it is one that suggests betrayal. We have two small children involved, so you are darn right that I'm going to react in a very strong way when she recants and tells me she's not going to talk about it. For the first time ever in our relationship, I did decide to become dramatic to make a point.
Did I over react as some say? Perhaps? But, I feared for the sake of my two small children and I questioned the very fabric of our relationship. Previously, when we first started our relationship, she told me that she only experimented with cocaine on two occasions in college. Now, I find out that she "touched" the drug as recently as five months ago? I was shocked to hear this. I don't know much about drug culture, but what I do understand is that it often involves minimizing and downplaying. I doubt I'll ever get all the details of her prior use. In the end, I am more interested in what she does going forward. I do believe that she used only around her sister over the past 15 years. She has now assured me that she will never take her kids around the sister nor permit the sister to come into our house until she's clean. This is a bit more context that I can offer, but it hard to convey everything in a blog.
In the end, this discussion has genuinely helped me to gain insight into my own thinking on this issue (both appropriate and irrational). They other day, I did apologize to her about how I reacted. I should have maintained my composure as I have in all other disagreements. She has begun to discuss in more detail her prior use. The most important thing is that we have turned toward, not away from each other. Thanks to everyone for their opinions.
Let me clarify some further details. She initially told me she used twice (1x on her 30th birthday and another just a few months ago). The next morning she recanted her admission saying that she was taken off guard and got her timeline mixed up. She also told me she no longer wished to talk about it because that past was her business. I told her that as her husband I had a right to know and that I felt that it was odd to admit something and then recant. The initial impulse is to deny when confronted, right? I also mentioned that I felt betrayed because we had talked about my intolerance for drug use when we first started dating. She assured me that it was in her past. When I asked whether she thought it would be appropriate for her to apologize, she responded in a condescending tone, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I am not going to talk about this anymore." To me, this suggested a serious problem. For instance, some woman may not have appreciated their husbands going out and getting lap dances from strippers from before they met. While the wife may have known about the past visits to gentleman's clubs before they were married, the wife was assured by the husband upon starting of the relationship that he no longer gets laps dances . Then, the wife finds out that on at least two occasions since marriage over the course of 15 years, taht the husband has received lap dances. This may not be the best metaphor, but it is one that suggests betrayal. We have two small children involved, so you are darn right that I'm going to react in a very strong way when she recants and tells me she's not going to talk about it. For the first time ever in our relationship, I did decide to become dramatic to make a point.
Did I over react as some say? Perhaps? But, I feared for the sake of my two small children and I questioned the very fabric of our relationship. Previously, when we first started our relationship, she told me that she only experimented with cocaine on two occasions in college. Now, I find out that she "touched" the drug as recently as five months ago? I was shocked to hear this. I don't know much about drug culture, but what I do understand is that it often involves minimizing and downplaying. I doubt I'll ever get all the details of her prior use. In the end, I am more interested in what she does going forward. I do believe that she used only around her sister over the past 15 years. She has now assured me that she will never take her kids around the sister nor permit the sister to come into our house until she's clean. This is a bit more context that I can offer, but it hard to convey everything in a blog.
In the end, this discussion has genuinely helped me to gain insight into my own thinking on this issue (both appropriate and irrational). They other day, I did apologize to her about how I reacted. I should have maintained my composure as I have in all other disagreements. She has begun to discuss in more detail her prior use. The most important thing is that we have turned toward, not away from each other. Thanks to everyone for their opinions.
I mean, you come off like one of those crazy parents who are in the business of their kids. Only problem, this isn't your kid.. it is your wife.
Let her be, good lord. You don't have the right to know everything about her past, especially if you're a frantic person who overreacts at everything.
I sure wouldn't hold you with any information about me.
Let me clarify some further details. She initially told me she used twice (1x on her 30th birthday and another just a few months ago). The next morning she recanted her admission saying that she was taken off guard and got her timeline mixed up. She also told me she no longer wished to talk about it because that past was her business. I told her that as her husband I had a right to know and that I felt that it was odd to admit something and then recant. The initial impulse is to deny when confronted, right? I also mentioned that I felt betrayed because we had talked about my intolerance for drug use when we first started dating. She assured me that it was in her past. When I asked whether she thought it would be appropriate for her to apologize, she responded in a condescending tone, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I am not going to talk about this anymore." To me, this suggested a serious problem. For instance, some woman may not have appreciated their husbands going out and getting lap dances from strippers from before they met. While the wife may have known about the past visits to gentleman's clubs before they were married, the wife was assured by the husband upon starting of the relationship that he no longer gets laps dances . Then, the wife finds out that on at least two occasions since marriage over the course of 15 years, taht the husband has received lap dances. This may not be the best metaphor, but it is one that suggests betrayal. We have two small children involved, so you are darn right that I'm going to react in a very strong way when she recants and tells me she's not going to talk about it. For the first time ever in our relationship, I did decide to become dramatic to make a point.
Did I over react as some say? Perhaps? But, I feared for the sake of my two small children and I questioned the very fabric of our relationship. Previously, when we first started our relationship, she told me that she only experimented with cocaine on two occasions in college. Now, I find out that she "touched" the drug as recently as five months ago? I was shocked to hear this. I don't know much about drug culture, but what I do understand is that it often involves minimizing and downplaying. I doubt I'll ever get all the details of her prior use. In the end, I am more interested in what she does going forward. I do believe that she used only around her sister over the past 15 years. She has now assured me that she will never take her kids around the sister nor permit the sister to come into our house until she's clean. This is a bit more context that I can offer, but it hard to convey everything in a blog.
In the end, this discussion has genuinely helped me to gain insight into my own thinking on this issue (both appropriate and irrational). They other day, I did apologize to her about how I reacted. I should have maintained my composure as I have in all other disagreements. She has begun to discuss in more detail her prior use. The most important thing is that we have turned toward, not away from each other. Thanks to everyone for their opinions.
wow, just wow . Different strokes for different folks, i guess, but i think i ve never read someone being so uptight and pretend their reaction is natural. Of course i WONT be acting like my husband kill someone if he got a lap dance (?) but to you this very small "problem" is equal to being a rapist or a murderer. I kinda feel bad for the people in your life. You know, there are REAL problems in people lifes and you stressing over something so stupid makes you look ridiculous and if i ever encounter someone like you in my life i will run as fast as i can.
Sorry, but this is how your post made me feel. Everyone has a right to have the personality they wish to have but, with such horrible things happening to so many people around the world, so many real problems people have to deal with, the people that do not know how to enjoy life and stress over the most RIDICULOUS things, are disrispectful and people i dont wanna associate with.
I feel for your wife. Having to put up with you must be TERRIBLE.
People should be able to do drugs and rape and stuff. No big deal.
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Sheesh, what do you think pot is for? Only turn to cocaine when you need to stay up all night, like when you need to pull an all-nighter making the kids' Halloween costumes. Some moms are clueless.
. Different strokes for different folks, i guess, but i think i ve never read someone being so uptight and pretend their reaction is natural. Of course i WONT be acting like my husband kill someone if he got a lap dance (?) but to you this very small "problem" is equal to being a rapist or a murderer. I kinda feel bad for the people in your life. You know, there are REAL problems in people lifes and you stressing over something so stupid makes you look ridiculous and if i ever encounter someone like you in my life i will run as fast as i can.
