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So, I laid awake last night, suffering from stress-induced stomach problems again, and thinking about the guy I’ve been seeing for the last 5 months... and I think it’s time I ended things with him. Honestly, I’ve been hyper-analyzing our “relationship” from the get-go, and I’ve realized that there’s really nothing to analyze... because there’s really nothing there.
He’s commitment-phobic, that much is obvious. Our relationship is primarily sexual, and our conversations are mainly surface-level topics. I don’t feel comfortable sharing my feelings and concerns with him, and he never asks me what I’m thinking... because, I’m pretty sure, he doesn’t care. We’ve known each other 5 months, but I feel like I don’t really KNOW him … and he certainly doesn’t know me.
He parties way too much, and his main social priority is spending time with his “boys.” I rarely see him on weekends, and when I’ve brought this up, he’s made excuses. Our “dates” are always the same routine - go out to dinner, chill at his place, have sex. It’s fun, but it’s nothing substantial. I’ve brought up doing other activities - going to the beach, checking out a street-fest - and he acts receptive, but doesn’t follow through.
Socio-economically speaking, we’re from different planets. His family is wealthy, and he’s well-off financially and career-wise. In fact, he has more money than he knows what to do with. On our last date, he was talking about buying a $2,500 outdoor TV for his deck, and a $15,000 classic convertible (even though he already owns a perfectly nice, practical car). Meanwhile, I’m struggling to make ends meet financially on my paltry secretarial salary. (I can’t even afford to take a weekend vacation to visit friends - yet he’s always jetting off to Colorado, Vegas, New York, etc.) My family is a mess … I won’t go into it, but I’m dealing with a ton of crap with my mother these days … I can’t relate to him at all.
He’s having a BBQ party this weekend at his place, and I told him I’d go. I’m going to play it cool while I’m there. He invited 50+ people, so I doubt I’ll get to spend any time with him. (Yet this was his answer to my “Let’s get together more often on weekends” question.) Beyond that … I think I need to tell him that I just can’t keep doing this anymore.
He’s never been a d-bag to me or done anything to “hurt” me, per se. It’s not his actions, so much as his lack of actions, that bother me. I’ve been freaking out about him since I met him, and my anxiety is starting to manifest physically. I have strong feelings for him, and I don’t want to hurt him, but he’s becoming literally bad for my health.
Any advice? Should I break it off or just chill out?
Sweetie, if the dude's giving you stomach aches, it's not fun anymore. It's time to move on. Whatever you're looking for, you're not going to get it from him. And you're not going to hurt him because he's not that invested. You deserve better.
And for the record, I think I'd have to dump anyone who was going to spend $2500 on an "outdoor television." For real? That's just dumb. You're outdoors - why do you need a TV? Ok, yeah, I know I'm kind of Amish or whatever.
Location: Georgia, on the Florida line, right above Tallahassee
10,471 posts, read 15,837,011 times
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Sounds like something they have in the UK. It's called a GFE. Girlfriend experience. 'Cept they get paid for it.
Ps, not calling you names. I'm saying, from what I just read, that's exactly what it sounds like. No emotional investment, have sex at his pleasure, and after that, who cares about your feelings?
You should drop him like a hot rock. Scratch that, you should have already dropped him like a hot rock.
JrzDefector's right oakparkV...when you love someone (and they love you) the feeling in glorious, like you're on top of the world...feels great...no waaaay should you be feeling stressed out and suffering...THAT is your answer oakpark... don't waste your time.
I just read your reply to what I said in your post before this one, but I'll reply here. There's nothing wrong with communicating and letting him know you need more contact from him or it bothers you when he does this or that, but it just seems to me like you've spent most of the relationship not really sure where you stand or how this guy truly feels about you. It seems like you're the only one pushing things forward. I just feel for you because I've dated this exact kind of guy before where there you are months into dating and you aren't sure if the guy would even notice if you dropped off the face of the earth. It sounds like he has the perfect deal going on right now - he's not obligated to you in any way so he can make plans and do whatever he wants, but he knows when he wants female company and sex that you're going to be right there waiting for him.
As much as I hoped things were going to work out for you I just don't think this guy is going to be able to give you what you need to be happy in a relationship. You're getting physically sick from the stress of trying to figure this guy out. As much as you can tell yourself that you'll just pull back and wait it out, it's impossible when you care about someone to do that. Don't you want someone supportive you can talk to about your problems and your family situation? Not someone who makes you sick to your stomach? I think you know what to do.
This guy sounds like some teen boys dream of a cool adult, like someone in a movie. A Vince Vaughn character comes to mind. Drop him! But ask yourself why you were ever attracted to him in the first place. It says something about you.
You know you can't hold me forever
I didn't sign up with you
I'm not a present for your friends to open
This girl's too young to be singing the blues
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