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i dont think she goes through my stuff, but as a friend sees my occasional updates etc etc. I dont have any passwords set, and usually stay signed in to my FB or email. I agree some things should be kept private, but i truly have nothing to hide, so im not going to start locking things up, espacialy that i dont think shes being nosy. Its really hard to explain, but it doesnt matter what I do, she seems to have a need to create these issues from thin air,as long as we can argue about it every 3 or 4 days and she can question my loyalty in the process.
If nothing at all happens, she then goes months back into the past, digs up something petty and overthinks/overanalyzes it to a point where it becomes a complete fantasy. For someone who has always been loyal, its extremely taxing and draining. Im beginning to question our future as a couple, if we cannot get over this.
You should be. There aren't enough positive qualities in the world that can make up for being insecure and distrusting for no good reason. Sadly, you can't get past it unless she actually wants to put the effort in to do so. IMO, the last time you argued about it would be the last time you argued about it.
Edited to add: I'm a firm believer that having problems like this doesn't bode well for the future. When first dating someone, you are usually putting your best foot forward, so if she's insecure and jealous from the very start, I don't see how your relationship is going to improve over time. You shouldn't be facing problems like this when you've not even been dating a year.
HI Friend. Yes, I have told her that exact thing on several occasions, and she seems receptive to it. In fact, every time we have an opportunity to talk this out, she tends to agree with me and see my point of view. The problem is that when new thing comes up, a few days later, we're back to square one. Its maddening and draining to have the same half hour long conversation, once a week.
Thanks for the updates -- I am very sorry to hear that You are giving her no reason whatsoever at all to doubt your faithfulness to her, so it is really quite unfortunate that she appears to be unable to give you the benefit of the doubt, and to trust you and take you at your word.
Just wondering, do you have any thoughts as to what might be the root cause that is making her feel unable to trust? (Maybe if you could successfully resolve the root cause, the underlying issue would go away after that?) Just for example, does she have a fear of being abandoned or forsaken, and did anyone in her youth for instance do this to her, so that she might be worried that you might potentially do the same thing?
Thanks for the updates -- I am very sorry to hear that You are giving her no reason whatsoever at all to doubt your faithfulness to her, so it is really quite unfortunate that she appears to be unable to give you the benefit of the doubt, and to trust you and take you at your word.
Just wondering, do you have any thoughts as to what might be the root cause that is making her feel unable to trust? (Maybe if you could successfully resolve the root cause, the underlying issue would go away after that?) Just for example, does she have a fear of being abandoned or foresaken, and did anyone in her youth for instance do this to her, so that she might be worried that you might potentially do the same thing?
The thing is, SHE has to resolve the root cause, she needs to be truthful with herself, look at herself in the mirror and be able to dig deep to figure out what's going on. No one else can do that for her. If they're having arguments about it twice a week, I'm not getting the impression that she's willing/capable of doing that. It's not his job to make her secure, but rather not make her insecure through his own words and actions. Her security needs to come from within first. When something is wrong internally, the solution isn't external.
You handled the texting situation well. I seriously suggest getting rid of Facebook or completely stop being active on there. Since you haven't mentioned any other issues, she will be fine after that.
My instinct tells me its a deep rooted issue from her childhood, but I couldnt begin to (nor is it my place to) start guessing what it is and how to overcome it, if thats even possible. I know that problems like this are very often deeply buried and very hard to recognize, not to mention overcome. I guess all I can do is standby her and continue proving my loyalty and trustworthiness with my actions. Will have a heart to heart this afternoon when I see her, see what happens.
Yikes.
Yes, talk to her about it. Without her trying to work on this it will probably get worse sadly.
Does she admit she is insecure? Are you doing anything that would, in a reasonable person, sort of trigger insecurity?
I have a male colleague who married a woman with what seemed to be moderate insecurity. It worsened over time to the point that she won't even go, as a family, to Disneyland because she says he will be looking at the woman who are wearing shorts, won't go on vacation because he might see someone he wants to get to know...it's really nuts.
You handled the texting situation well. I seriously suggest getting rid of Facebook or completely stop being active on there. Since you haven't mentioned any other issues, she will be fine after that.
I would get rid of it no problem, but i think it would prove counter productive to working this out, long term. I have nothing to hide there from anyone, or anywhere else for that matter. Im an open book to those closest to me, at whatever cost.
I believe she has some deep rooted issues that are causing this, and i even told her she needs therapy, but it doesnt come accross very sincere during an argument, even if it actualy is. Im just trying to analyze my part in this, and if there is anything to make her feel more reassured.
A lot of women periodically get this way.....they are far more emotional than men in general. Doesn't mean she needs counseling or is necessarily insecure. On your part I can detect a slight pleasure derived in her concerns. Let's face it, it's nice to be sought after and wanted but she doesn't see it that way and given your track record the concerns could be legitimate to her. I've been in the same boat and I'll usually give her a rundown, ( a list, if you will ) of what I could be doing i.e barhopping, hoeing around, hooking up with exes, etc and what I am actually doing like staying loyal, not going out, being true. Some reassurance usually quells it for awhile and as time goes on she'll probably be less concerned about it.
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You are giving her no reason whatsoever at all to doubt your faithfulness to her, so it is really quite unfortunate that she appears to be unable to give you the benefit of the doubt, and to trust you and take you at your word. 
