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Why are you re-evaluating the living situation in the fall? That right there sends a signal that you're not all in. You yourself have said a man can only be happy in a relationship when he's prepared to walk away. Is that what the living situation is about?
Why are you re-evaluating the living situation in the fall? That right there sends a signal that you're not all in. You yourself have said a man can only be happy in a relationship when he's prepared to walk away. Is that what the living situation is about?
In the fall, we are planning to look for an apt together. im all in
In the fall, we are planning to look for an apt together. im all in
I misunderstood then.
Well, if you need me to remind you of some of the little gems you've dropped about her or relationships in general, I will gladly do so. Maybe then you'll understand why you're part of the problem, regardless of her own issues.
Im not looking to emulate any qualities she has, Im a grown ass man. She has many good qualities, as posted in the OP. She's attractive, intelligent,giving, intelectually curious, adventurous, challenging, motivated, driven, funny, sarcastic. There are many reasons I want to be with her, and I think we complement each other well.
Thanks, the list helps me understand more about your relationship. I am glad she has so many aspects that you admire .
But what is this 'grown-ass man' bit? At 37, have you resolved already to not grow and change any more? That seems nuts to me, and very sad. Or do you mean that you do not learn from women? Or do not choose partners you want to learn from? That would be pitiful.
As for the 'fitness test' stuff: Men and women both do it. Some are more conscious of it than others. Among folks I know, though, you have got it all backwards. If you watch her coat that shows you do not fear equality and giving and consideration. It shows you have b*lls. If you refuse, it shows you are a little frightened boy.
Well, if you need me to remind you of some of the little gems you've dropped about her or relationships in general, I will gladly do so. Maybe then you'll understand why you're part of the problem, regardless of her own issues.
I would like to be reminded. I am extremely forgetful, and I retain the general impression of what sorts of issues he is dealing with (hence my post to him) but do not recall details.
At the same time, no matter what I do, i seem to have a hard time getting her to fully trust me, although I suspect it has little to do with me or my actions. She seems to have a need to question my loyalty on regular basis, usually once or twice a week and almost always based on something extremely trivial or out of my control.
This is not an insecurity issue. If that were true she would be more likely be running herself down and other things that show is unable to accept who she thinks she is.
No, this is a trust issue and she's trying to manipulate you.
You don't need to explain yourself. Tell her stop; that she she's gone over your limits.
I didn't read the whole thread, so sorry if I missed something.
OP, why don't you go to therapy with her? You clearly care about her and the well being of your relationship. I think as a couple, it would be helpful to at least do one breakout session together. You need someone who is hearing you both at once, not a message board. We don't really have the whole story.
Bunch of haters in here wanting to take shots at this guy because they disagree with his prior lifestyle. The girl knows the situation, either she can deal with it or she can't. I agree that continuing to humor her nonsense isn't going to go anywhere good, so my suggestion is to set your boundary and stick to it. She gets one opportunity to ask whatever she wants. After that, she shuts up about it. If she can't trust you then it's not meant to be.
its pretty simple "you accept me for who i am, or you do not"
just as the girl is aware of his previous behaviors, so is he. you as the person who has set the scene for the insecurities also has a say when enough is enough and it may be the best for all to set the girl free if she is unable to let go herself.
if you cant. there is nothing you CAN do to prove you are who you say but live life and hope they want to see you for who you are.
in my experience these scenarios never work out, you cant start a relationship with insecurity born in to it and hope it just "goes away" if you think its an emotional issue on her end, suggest counseling for the both of you and hope she understands its not a personal attack, but what is best for the both of you going forward trying to build a healthy relationship.
if she doesn't come around or start to want to accept you for who you are TO HER...its an incompatibility...its time to distance away and allow people to find others more appropriate for they other.
Last edited by rego00123; 07-04-2013 at 05:09 AM..
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