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Old 02-17-2014, 01:02 PM
 
12,535 posts, read 15,195,845 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by forum_browser View Post
You know, a woman who had been promiscuous recently would be expected to turn 180 degrees from that lifestyle, to express guilt and remorse, etc., and a guy who looked beyond this recent past would feel like an incredibly open-minded and tolerant guy and would probably have trouble trusting her. It amazes me that a pick-up artist who dated multiple women simultaneously would think he could shift easily into the role of conventional boyfriend while openly taking the attitude that his past behavior was merely "success with women.". Especially at age 37. Men can say all day long that there should be no repercussions for men, but as the OP is learning, there are.

OP is learning a lot about the consequences of his actions these days, it would seem.
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Old 02-18-2014, 11:04 AM
 
Location: between Mars and Venus
1,748 posts, read 1,295,222 times
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All I need to read is your last second paragraph to know where your issues came from...phew.
All she need is reassurance from you, lots of it...
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Old 02-18-2014, 01:06 PM
 
1,226 posts, read 1,448,641 times
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I wonder if the OP and the girl are still together? I would bet on no.
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Old 02-18-2014, 03:37 PM
 
9,000 posts, read 10,173,705 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006 View Post
I don't mean to offend, but......

Many things are interesting here:
1. this guy is 37 I seriously thought this guy was around 25 from all his posts over the months.
2. The OP has been a man-wh*** for a long time. He consistently talks of 'tight game' and how to 'get women' doesn't he? Is it ANY surprise that a woman would he extremely cautious and having a hard time with this guy? You can' convince me that IRL this guy doesn't have a HUGE ego, and is probably very difficult to be in a relationship with. His ideals and constant talk sound like a frat boy that never left 'the game'.
2a. After being a single bachelor for how long, it is absolutely no surprise to me that this guy has relationship issues. And him being 37 means he is set in his ways, and he won't change. His relationship skills are probably much lower than healthy people his age. I've known many people like him. They are great playa-playas, but they have a hard time transitioning into relationships. They spent so much time being a bachelor, they struggle in relationships.
3. And dear god, OP, you let her see your posts on this forum? I would think any healthy woman dating you would get extremely nervous reading your posts.

Just saying, I am not surprised this woman has trust issues with you. I would be extremely surprised if most women you date didnt have trust issues with you. If everyone around you is wrong, and you are always right, at what point does the light bulb turn on to realize that perhaps YOU are the reason these woman have trust issues? and it is Not them....but you that has the problem. Perhaps it is the way you act, or the posts on this forum she read about you and all your 'tight game'.

Of course, my 2 cents aren't worth much, and people don't even use pennies these days.
Even though this is an older thread,
I just wanna say your points here--
particularly #2 (not 2a) & #3.......
REALLY are spot on.
The posting history doesn't go away, lol
I wonder if he ever lets her read any of it
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Old 06-15-2014, 02:20 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,636 times
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I was involved in a relationship with a girl with the same trust issues. The trust issues started exactly the same with Facebook. It only got worse. It got so bad that most times we went out in public she would accuse me of staring at girls when I wasn't. I think the worst was when she found a hair in my apartment that didn't belong to her and accused me of having someone else there. Her behavior would lead to fights and me breaking up with her and me trying again thinking she would change.

If I can tell you one thing, not matter what you do it's not going to get better if she doesn't get help. Breaking up all of the time with her didn't help the situation, but it's incredibly draining to always prove to her that you're a trustworthy person.

You need to be firm and stand by how you deserve to be treated. Relationships are built on trust. How can you have a relationship when one partner doesn't trust the other? I'm an honest man like yourself and whatever has happened to her in the past will continue to affect her current relationships until she realizes them and deals with them.
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Old 08-13-2015, 05:37 PM
 
2 posts, read 2,065 times
Reputation: 10
Hi..really late to the discussion but here goes:
I'm 5 years in with my gf and in the first few months I noticed that she was not happy with me talking about previous customers (women) and about things that I knew - but she didn't.
She once spotted a 'chat' icon appear on BT email page and thought then grilled me about me chatting with someone.
She thought I was having a virtual affair with a Romanian nail polisher because that person was accepted on FB.
She thought it unusual and odd that I had 200 'friends' in the fitness area of pole fitness, although they weren't friends as such!
She quizzes me if I'm 30 minutes at the supermarket when it would normally be a 20 minute trip.
She says " oh if you need to" when I need to visit my ill Mum.
She huffed and barked up when I said "yes - 35 years ago" when I said I took a shower with my then gf.
I'm 61 btw - she is 57
....do we have hope?
....oh...I've dropped FB, past contacts, female customers and never talk about anything that relates to women but so far, it's made no difference - I'm still grilled about anything that she doesn't understand - that relates to my past....or women.
I was a fitness teacher and coach...but never got involved with clients.
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Old 08-13-2015, 05:57 PM
 
1,519 posts, read 1,334,819 times
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You can't change people,you can only love them,love is what changes people.
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Old 01-08-2018, 03:54 PM
 
1 posts, read 802 times
Reputation: 10
Default Hard times

Yup.. I am actually going through this with a girl I have dated for nearly 6 months.. At the start there was no sign of anything but it has gotten worse, sad to say.. Its not so much accusations, but petty questions that are so trivial in nature.. Not sure if it is my thinking but it has gotten to a point where I feel somewhat nervous taking her somewhere where other good looking females may be ... constantly have to make sure I do not accidentally look at a girl for too long.. I never have cheated, I am so loyal and open with her but always having to solve this little stupid issues which after reading stories I am afraid will get worse. Girl has great qualities, but this 15% is looming sooo large that it feels like a killer. Some guys might be ok with being with someone like that and answering all the questions all the time, but it gets draining, and actually affects my level passion for her and makes me question whether this is something I can do for a lifetime. Also, the sex right now is good.. what will happen when that dies down a bit ? Pretty confused.
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Old 01-09-2018, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,515 posts, read 84,688,123 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brendonwasonceking View Post
Yup.. I am actually going through this with a girl I have dated for nearly 6 months.. At the start there was no sign of anything but it has gotten worse, sad to say.. Its not so much accusations, but petty questions that are so trivial in nature.. Not sure if it is my thinking but it has gotten to a point where I feel somewhat nervous taking her somewhere where other good looking females may be ... constantly have to make sure I do not accidentally look at a girl for too long.. I never have cheated, I am so loyal and open with her but always having to solve this little stupid issues which after reading stories I am afraid will get worse. Girl has great qualities, but this 15% is looming sooo large that it feels like a killer. Some guys might be ok with being with someone like that and answering all the questions all the time, but it gets draining, and actually affects my level passion for her and makes me question whether this is something I can do for a lifetime. Also, the sex right now is good.. what will happen when that dies down a bit ? Pretty confused.
I think you need to sit down and have a loving talk with her. Not angry, not accusatory, but to say in some way that you can see she has trust issues and that you are afraid that if they continue, your relationship could be damaged.

Fear is driving this. She is afraid of being hurt and humiliated, but by doing what she's doing, she is going to make exactly that happen.

I know "get therapy" gets old, but it might help. If she is a person who is capable of self-examination and honesty, though, she could overcome it once she understands why she feels that way.

I found this article to start. You might want to read it together as part of the conversation.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/rebec...b_9207672.html
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Old 02-16-2018, 03:16 PM
 
1 posts, read 665 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012 View Post
She has not cheated or been cheated on in the past. Im sure she's been lied to, but who hasnt. I have been completely honest and transparent with her from day1.
It has nothing to do with you but with her primal relationship with a parent when she was a child. She probably felt abandoned at some point or if the parent was present he wasn't there mentally for her. Therefore she fears losing you, being cheated on and left. It doesn't have to be something she remembers - it can be sth that happened while she was a little baby. I would suggest visiting body-oriented psychotherapist who will help her revire her brain not to feel that fear and anxiety because he will help her feel what she felt as a child and he/she will be there for her to give her a different experience than she had as a child. I had a similar problem and my boyfriend is putting up with me for three years so far. I knew that my behaviour wasn't right and I know how much he loved me but I just didn't have the capacity to receive all his love eventhough I was aware of it. We argued so much that I sometimes questioned whether we should be in such a relationship but then (after couple of therapies) I realizes that usually I' m the one provoking them because that's my unconscious mechanism of letting go all that stress, fear and anxiety that are bothering me. Things haven't changed dramatically yet since there were only three months I've been going on therapies but I enjoy life more, I'm happier, we argue less than before and we understand each other better because I'm learning to communicate my needs. It would be the same with any other guy she would open herself to. Just accept the fact that it has nothing to do you and help her get through it as much as you can. Everyone of us has some wounds from childhood that need to be dealt with. I suggest that you go with her (I mean that you also go to body-oriented psychotherapist) because eventhough you are not aware of it, I'm sure you have things that you want to improve about yourself but you will also understand better what is she going through and how to behave in certain situations. I wish you all the best. I hope that you will sort it out. 😘❤
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