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Got an email recently out of the clear blue sky from a girl I dated back in 2011 (summer) who i hadn't had any contact with since she decided i couldn't "afford" her and decided to break up with me. Gist of the e-mail says she has been going through AA this last year and is trying to make amends with some people she wronged back then when she was at rock bottom and apparently I came to mind. Anyone ever had an ex-gf or ex-bf contact them as part of the step 9 process?
Slightly unsure of how to respond or to respond at all. I had more or less written her off for ending up god knows where doing god knows what so i am glad shes ok and trying to do better with her life. But to be honest I really don't care as its been 24 months with no contact and its not like we were friends before dating or after. I mean I'm glad she owned up to her problem and is correcting it.
Sending an email is pretty superficial and obviously not doing you any good. (Addiction by nature is extremely selfish and new sobriety is no different) Give her a few years to see if it means anything.
If she did indeed hurt you, and you have something to say to her about how much it hurt you, arrange a meeting.
The purpose of the 9th step is NOT for the alcoholic to receive forgiveness or for the other person to brush off the pain they felt. One purpose is to educate the alcoholic about how much pain they actually caused; another is for the alcoholic to acknowledge their responsibility for those consequences. The final purpose is for the alcoholic to accept the first two parts and both feel and acknowledge sorrow for their actions.
Ultimately, the three objectives of step 9, if satisfied, will also help the alcoholic to accept themselves and free themselves from the torment of their guilt in the knowledge that they never have to act that way again.
you do not have to forgive her. In fact if you feel like saying "I can't forgive you", then that is surely one of the consequences that she must learn to take responsibility for.
This is based on my personal experience with the step as a recovering alcoholic.
To the OP, in your posting I can't tell if the woman clearly stated what she was apologizing for. What did she feel that she did to you that warranted an apology? Just breaking up with you doesn't seem like it requires an apology, does it?
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