Are the Men Who Always Complain About "Gold Diggers"...

[Sonic_Spork]

Originally Posted by RbccL

Why would anyone want someone who can be bought? Low character and there’s always going to be someone with more money. Maybe it’s a control thing.

I think it's more a self esteem thing.

I've known people who are really insecure who have to self-soothe about what assets and value they have to "offer" a prospect because they struggle to believe in their own inherent value and likability.

Hell, I admit...I've had a little of that thinking at times, too. Because while I know I'm pretty good looking for a 44 year old mother of two, I'm still a 44 year old mother of two. And my aging is not going to stop or reverse. And all I hear about is how "men are visual" and want "peak fertility" and all that noise, so... It soothes me to think that I really am an asset to my husband (or any rhetorical partner in a relationship with me) because I am practical, stable, good at problem solving, a capable caregiver, housekeeper and occasional cook, etc. My husband appreciates me, and he has cause, and that comforts me.

He also says that he finds me attractive and enjoys our sex life, and I want to believe that and I try to believe that, but sure I still have my insecure moments about the things I cannot help, and cannot change. My most attractive years have past, and he missed them. I will never exactly be happy about that.

But the overall "I know why I'm valuable to myself, but don't exactly expect other people to see it or care" feeling is something...I know where its roots lie. And my thinking mind knows better, but my heart does not always want to listen.

So if I talk about insecurity or self esteem...I'm not trying to put anyone down with that. I think that it's human to not always be 100% confident and secure in oneself, I mean, what's the alternative, a godlike ego? That'd be worse, totally unrelatable I think. No one is perfect. Dating makes most of us feel somewhat vulnerable, I suspect, and I think it's somewhat natural to try and figure out what you may have to offer, and to try to "promote yourself" to some extent with it... But much, much more so in the world of online dating, where most feel they've got a very limited time to make a perfect impression on total strangers.

But I definitely think that one should be wary of "advertising" with superficial bait, it does logically follow that one would "catch" users that way. I've seen a lot of such situations where the one casting the bait thought they had control, but the user was actually manipulating them.

[CorporateCowboy]

Originally Posted by RbccL

Why would anyone want someone who can be bought? Low character and there’s always going to be someone with more money. Maybe it’s a control thing.

I would think it’s relative to desperation (on both sides) i.e. they have to essentially bribe a woman in order to date her. Clearly, they don’t think much of themselves re: the ability to establish a solid, genuine friendship/relationship sans a payment of sorts. That said, it’s easy to spot a desperate woman as well.

[shelato]

Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy

Those who complain about gold-diggers should stop using money as bait. If they have continual frustration in their lives re: opportunistic women (i.e. enough to regularly whine about), they’re (part of) the problem.



Those who have wealth (and want to avoid gold-diggers) don’t lavish women they barely know (or just started dating) with gifts; it’s about getting to know someone and developing a friendship/relationship (or not). One’s thoughts and expectations relative to such can tell you a lot about them from the get-go (in either direction).

Well said.

Originally Posted by RbccL

Why would anyone want someone who can be bought? Low character and there’s always going to be someone with more money. Maybe it’s a control thing.

Sometimes the people who are the most financially successful are also workaholics who didn't date much. A guy I knew in college had two start ups, but definitely was not doing well with women when we were in college. Now he has this huge home in Los Altos Hills (an expensive neighborhood in the Silicon Valley) and a Tesla because he just always loved new gadgets.

Despite his outward financial success, he is still the same socially awkward guy, I knew in college. If he was to just rely on his natural charm, he probably would still be playing dungeons and dragons with other guys. Now he is married to a former personal trainer and they have a couple of kids.