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Originally Posted by cinderobyn
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Yes, for 10 years, until about a year ago, and I ended it.
My son married a women who is self imposed, and cares nothing about feelings but more about results. She needs so much attention, and is so needy in that department, I cannot tolerate her. When your around them, and they've been married for 10 years now....she whispers to her husband, my son, and pretends like your not there....be it in the car, or at home, sitting there watching TV....but she is distracting and I believe she is intimidated by the conversation going on, therefore, it's her only way to let you know, stay out of my comfort zone, and also, divert attention back to herself?
I have sent my grand daughter many gifts....matter of fact, a lot of clothing, and gals at work who are my friends, would say, they wished I was their mother in law. Anyway, I used to send my grand daughter an awful lot of new clothing from a vendor who came into work, and a lot of other girls loved his clothes as well. I found out, that she was throwing them out, unless the packages came when my son was home, and even then, she would become enraged b/c they were not label clothing and she'd dump them in the can. I know that because my son's father and his wife were there and saw her do it. They didn't know the dresses were from me, and they made a comment to someone that she became abnormally enraged and threw them out, and they said, they were beautiful dresses.
Last time I visited them, I had a special necklace, earings, and bracelet made for my daughter in law, as I love to give gifts...she hated it. and I bet you anything, that ended up in the waste can to. I was so excited when it was done, b/c I helped design it for her...and it cost a small fortune....well, all the younger girls at work loved it so much, two of them asked me if I'd mind if they had one just like it made...I didn't care....made me happy to think that my DIL might really love it. Well, she didn't. I don't believe she's like anything I gave her or her daughter, cuz it's me.
She used to erase emails and telephone messages my son received from me and his friends. Now they have no friends at all, unless she allows them in.
She is sneaky and extremely manipulative...calculating and knows how to get exactly what she wants.
My last visit, I had mentioned how I thought my son handled the horse well, and I was so surprised, after not seeing him on a horse for many years....she went balistic and started holloring at me how he can't usually handle the horse and she has to get on him and settle him down?????? Man oh man, I do not have the slightest clue as to what set her off? Cannot imagine what he lives with, but that's his choice.
She was cleaning the dishes and I asked her if I could help...she torted.."will you please settle down and go away?" Sheesh....
In front of him, she is as sweet as honey, but when he isn't around she is so cocky and condiscending...and actually, to tell you the truth, if this woman were not my son's wife, I would have slammed her inside and out verbally....as I've never been treated or humiliated by anyone like her in my life.
We'd be out for dinner, and if she was done, but everyone else is finishing their coffee, she jumps up and says, ready and starts walking out without any regard for anyone else.
I was so looking forward to going down there and visting and going to a certain resturant I love there, but, because she didn't want to go, we don't go.
There are many sights I would love to see when I visit there, but unless I would make a special trip there, myself...I've never seen those sights in 10 years of visiting b/c she doesn't want to go.
Everything is when, where and how she decides, and there is no compromise or deviating from her plans are.
Years ago, right after they were married, she orchastrated something very sneaky and underhanded....and I was in a state of shock, not understanding what the heck was going on...but it led my son to believe or want to believe that it was all my fault. Without going into it, I know now what she was doing, but at the time, I was gasping for air, trying to make sense out of it all...and of course, my son, found it easier to believe her, then all the years he's known me. It was awful...heartbreaking, etc.
So, long story short, I've had to cut them all, completely out of my life...a very difficult thing to do.
Reason being, I could have handled most anything she has done, but what I can't handle is how she screams at him in front of me...and his dispostion has completely changed.
You know, she has never once called anyone from my side of the family who has sent either her a gift or my grand daughter and thanked them or me. It's her sense of entitlement and complete disregard for anyone else...not to mention, to see my son, change like he has...
this situation way way to toxic for me, and after 10 years of it...and her lies and manipulative tactics...
When they lived at home, I used to take my grand daughter out every Sunday morning for breakfast and my daughter in law accuses me every stinkin time we get together of buying my grand daughter coke for breakfast????????? So, I let her think what she wants to think...
but it's always stuff like that, she wants to make me feel guilty for having fun and not being able to control the situation I guess.
In the beginning, she pretended to be afraid of me, and so, my son and I started spending quality time with each other once in a while. She didn't like that, so, she started to pretend to tollerate me...so she could be more in control...and slowly but surely, I saw them less and less, and basically the man goes where the wife wants to go.
So, you see, it's been a long hard road of trying to decide what to do...all these years...knowing that no matter what I decided to do, I had everything to loose and she had nothing to loose at all...
The hardest part of all, was being around my son, as he seemed very nervous around me....and respect was lost...not to mention the hurt that was very hard to forget...as he really used to yell at me for all of this...
I believe he feels guilty for loving me...and also, its easier for him to blame me.
This has hurt me more then any divorce, or death I've been through, but I've had to conclude that it was unhealthy for me to be around them anymore.
Last time I saw them, we were in a pool place, as I had given money to my son, to help clean up there pool for spring. I had asked her a question and she just gave me this aloof look and then walked over to him and started stroking his back and arms while he was talking to the salesman....(sick) and then walked to the complete other end of the store and sat on a chair and acted like she was a victim....and so...what else could I do....
There for a time, they moved home and I asked my son, if they'd consider going to counseling with me...and they wouldn't.
I won't allow either of them back in my life until they do...b/c she likes what my son has to offer her, otherwise she would not be there, believe me. I strongly believe they are both co-dependant on each other, and it seems to have worked up until now. Although she is very unapreciative for anything he does for her, there is something she gives him, as well?
She knows she has it pretty good...as he works three jobs and she hardly ever works, and she needs to have all label clothing, diamonds and a horse, a new car the moment her old car starts to have mechanical problems and she will literally act out, until she gets it...
You should see their daughters clothes...honestly, you'd think they were employed by the government or Hollywood.
well, I could go on and on, but I certainly do appreciate this thread, thank you...it does help to vent as sometimes, no, most of the time, the hurt is unbelievable....
My son and I were very close at one time....he was a joy to be around, he was an excellent child to raise, never really had any problems with him...he was mature...and people loved him...a real people magnet....as friends would gravitate towards him.
The nicest thing about raising him was to watch him evolve...and to allow him, his own decissions. His dad had married a woman who hated him...was very nasty to him when he was young, and I believe she really broke down his confidence....
I surely can look back now and know my mistakes with him...
Oh well, long story...so sorry, yes, I broke off a very toxic and harmful relationship....and yanno what bothers me most, and is so sad...the 10 years I've lost with them both...b/c she is so dysfuncional and intimidated by me.
I see my girlfriend with her daughter in laws, who she adores and they adore her...and I so wish I had that...not even close.
Thanks so much for bearing with me...
sorry for the rant...
creme
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My dh's mother died right after we started dating so I never met her. 
