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I've been married for 39 years but my wife and I have been legally separated for a year ago.
Our marriage was mostly a mistake. I never truly liked her but at the time that's what people did: get married. She was certainly very pretty, very intelligent, honest and hard working but I wasn't born to stay with just one woman. I must have slept with dozens of different women throughout our marriage, I always wanted to be with other women.
It never progressed to more than a few nights of sex and it only happened when I was away from home. I was never meant to be the dutiful idyllic husband who enjoyed staying home. I tried to convince myself that I would change and act differently but I was only fooling myself and everyone around me. I think it came to a point where I had to be honest with myself.
Of course not everything was bad. We have 4 grown up sons who I love dearly who have given me 3 grandchildren already.
One day I spoke to her, left our house and bought another for myself. I brought everything that belonged to me, we took care of the legal papers to get separated, separated bank accounts and whatever property we could. She's no longer in my life insurance or my will (the only beneficiaries are my sons) but I still pay her pension.
She stopped working after our 2nd son was born which I never to be a good idea. Her whole life has revolved about us. She has few assets of herself, just a small part of the money her parents left when they passed away.
Now I can finally have the carefree lifestyle I've always enjoyed, I can come and go as I like, I can go out at night without being questioned, I can bring a few escorts around (I'm aware of my age, I'm not the pathetic old man trying to attract young women) and I do whatever I want.
She showed up at my house before Christimas, crying her eyes out and hugged me, saying she didn't care about what I had done in the past because she couldn't live without me after so many years. She said she couldn't live in that house on her own anymore. I told her my decision had been made and she was only fooling herself.
I told her she should get another man and move with her life because I would be the first one to congratulate them. She said she would never do that because she's still married to me and I was the only man in her life. She's very religious and that's one of the reasons why we didn't get a divorce.
How can I make her understand the best she can do is carry on with her life? Not for me but for our children and grandchildren. She keeps sending me text messages saying to come back home, she has forgiven me, etc.
Well you have been roundly lambasted. I don't really blame the posters who have done this. You have abdicated your responsibility in a cloud of meant tos and what people dos. In the final analysis, making her understand is not something you can or should do. You weren't married then. Why would you take care of her feelings now? 39 years of marriage means neither of you are spring chickens. I have only been married 20. And beginning dating, facing the daunting prospect of managing on my own where before there were 2, would be daunting. And after 39 years of marriage, really, dating?
What you probably need to do is a little soul searching as to how you could roll merrily through 39 years of your life as the primary actor in a complete farce, with reckless careless to the people who were put into your care. If I believed in hell, I would be quite certain you are destined for it.
It's pretty clear that the divorce needs to happen, I am just saying stop telling lies to make yourself feel better. What you are doing SHOULD make you feel uncomfortable. This isn't supposed to be easy.
Only if she wants it. Whatever she wants is fine by me. The last time I saw her she was still wearing the wedding ring so I don't know.
On one hand there is many words I want to call you for doing that to her. After 39 years of her raising YOUR childern and meeting your needs..your tossing her to the side because you want to be free. I hope that she gets a ball-busting lawyer and gets everything she deserves for putting up with your selfish self for all that time.
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