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Even if you were on a break, if you really loved your bf, you wouldn't have slept with another guy SEVERAL times right afterwards. You can't excuse it under dumb drunk night, since you met him again - sober.
And you would have met him a third (!!) time if he wouldn't have reacted weird on the phone.
How did I forget he said it when I actually directly replied to that part? Did you even read my post before jumping in with both feet? I very clearly replied to that part and explained how it was his assumption and by no means an actual rule.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rs4 fan
She only said "break" and HE didn't want to. I doubt he thought it was an absolute break-up.
What has his opinion got to do with it? Regardless of whether or not he WANTED to be on a break - the fact is they WERE on one. Which is all that is required for me to make the points I have been making. Yes he did not want to be on a break - but fact is they were on one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rs4 fan
you're also assuming that their "break" was a true break-up.
Again read what I wrote before you jump in with both feet. I said "And for many - being on a "break" means they are not in a relationship.". I make no assumptions about this particular relationship. Only the OP knows what terms they went into this "break" on. She has not told us - so I am not going to assume as readily as Ascension has been.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rs4 fan
Yet, what she did "outside" the relationship is a problem enough for HER to come here and make a (possibly troll) thread about it. If she feels guilty, she knows she did something wrong. That is HER problem.
She did do things wrong. More than one thing at my count. Sleeping with someone while technically single would not be one of them however.
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Originally Posted by rs4 fan
Your advice has been for her to not say anything this entire time as it's none of his business. Seems like you're backpedaling now.
No my advice to her is not to feel that she is OBLIGED to tell him anything. As it is not his business. At all. It is entirely her choice what to tell him about her sexual history while she was not with him in a relationship. If however what she NORMALLY does is tell her partners her sexual history THEN I do advise her to tell him this too. She should stick to what she normally does and do no different in this case.
If sharing her sexual history with her current partner is NOT something she normally does - then my advice is to do exactly that here too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rs4 fan
you fail to consider that people have feelings. Do you really think they'd like finding out, one way or another, that their SO slept with someone else on their short "break"
A lot of people choose to keep their sexual history from their current partners. And a portion of those have sexual histories that might upset their current partner if they did find out about it. There are threads on this very forum of people bemoaning the fact they found out their current partner had - for example - a large number of partners - or for another example - a homosexual relationship.
Any person at any time can find out something about their partners sexual history that they end up not liking. Why is THIS thread any different from those?
Full disclosure of your sexual history is NOT a required set in stone pre-requisite of being in a relationship. Yet all too many people act like they think it is their due.
You're a fool if you tell him. We've debated this issue on several threads in the past few months. Your partner is not your confessor. I'm too tired tonight to break it down for you. Maybe someone else will chime in.
I took a look at some of the responses and this is closer to reality.
To the OP:
1) You tell him. 97% chance it's over. Most men won't tolerate this. Their are exceptions if you are Kim Kardasian or equivalent.
2) You stop having sex and don't tell him and months later when the STD tests clear you start having sex again. 95% chance it is over because you stopped having sex out of the blue and he is suspicous.
3) You don't tell him anything, knowing you had protected sex and the likelyhood that you have anything is very low. This scenario is the most common in the real world and likely to work if you want to keep him.
Socially we should be less accepting of this type of nonsense because if we were this would happen less frequently. I hope her BF doesn't take her back...No man with an ounce of self respect would take a woman back after something like this!
I took a look at some of the responses and this is closer to reality.
To the OP:
1) You tell him. 97% chance it's over. Most men won't tolerate this. Their are exceptions if you are Kim Kardasian or equivalent.
2) You stop having sex and don't tell him and months later when the STD tests clear you start having sex again. 95% chance it is over because you stopped having sex out of the blue and he is suspicous.
3) You don't tell him anything, knowing you had protected sex and the likelyhood that you have anything is very low. This scenario is the most common in the real world and likely to work if you want to keep him.
3 is completely underhanded and if it ever comes to light could ruin the relationship. Secondly, she will either have to lie to his face if he asks or play the sad none of your business card, which will raise flags anyways. She should do him and herself a favor and either walk away or tell him and see if he can move past it. "hiding it to keep him" is absurdly selfish.
Socially we should be less accepting of this type of nonsense because if we were this would happen less frequently. I hope her BF doesn't take her back...No man with an ounce of self respect would take a woman back after something like this!
What some of the women are pressing is don't let him find out so you can have him back. They can spin it any way they want, that's the bottom line. Youreeee juuuusssssttttt aaa judgmentalllllllll misogynist!!!
3 is completely underhanded and if it ever comes to light could ruin the relationship. Secondly, she will either have to lie to his face if he asks or play the sad none of your business card, which will raise flags anyways. She should do him and herself a favor and either walk away or tell him and see if he can move past it. "hiding it to keep him" is absurdly selfish.
"3 is completely underhanded"
Yep, but people are petty beings that will always do what is best for them(Sometimes its minor sometimes its not). One thing that I have noticed in life is the biggest stone throwers often have had larger transgressions in their history then the people they attack.
OP, you messed up, as everyone has told you. I wouldn't tell your boyfriend though. If you can live with that, great. If not, it's your own problem since you did this to yourself.
How did I forget he said it when I actually directly replied to that part? Did you even read my post before jumping in with both feet? I very clearly replied to that part and explained how it was his assumption and by no means an actual rule.
If I didn't read that reply, why is it that I directly replied AND bolded most of it under the first post? My point was that you didn't add the rest of it...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012
If you are in a monogamous relationship, and ask your SO for a break for a few days, it is ASSUMED you are still in a relationship and that you are not seeing anyone else. Unless a specific conversation about seeing other people takes place at the time when a break is requested, monogamy is ASSUMED during the break. Otherwise, Id advise the person requesting a break to say " I need a little time to myself, I think we should take a break and be free to see other people". Otherwise, they are not SINGLE, and are still expected to keep their legs closed. As someone mentioned, I cant help but feel that you have done this before, and your conscious is still telling you it was wrong, so you will go to no end to try to justify this morally corrupt and whorish behavior that any human being should be ashamed of. Don't worry, you're not alone, there are millions like you - I just know who they are the moment I lay eyes on one.
...because it doesn't coincide with your viewpoint. SHE said they were on a "break", not break-up. Ascension mentioned "break-up" in the post of his you quoted. You automatically ASSUMED (something you said we shouldn't do) that they were broken up. You're doing the same. exact. thing you accuse us of doing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus
What has his opinion got to do with it? Regardless of whether or not he WANTED to be on a break - the fact is they WERE on one. Which is all that is required for me to make the points I have been making. Yes he did not want to be on a break - but fact is they were on one.
Once again, if she didn't spell out the parameters of their "break", how are you ASSUMING that it was a break-up? Also, I thought the meaning of "break" varied from relationship to relationship? These are basically your words:
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus
The "terms" of a break up are set by the people having the break. Not by you. It differs from person to person and relationship to relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus
Again read what I wrote before you jump in with both feet. I said "And for many - being on a "break" means they are not in a relationship.". I make no assumptions about this particular relationship. Only the OP knows what terms they went into this "break" on. She has not told us - so I am not going to assume as readily as Ascension has been.
It's interesting that you don't see that you're doing a bit of ASSUMING yourself. What's also interesting is the responses from "many" posters who think opposite your view. Yes, that's not indicative of society as a whole. However, I'm inclined to believe that more people think a "break" is just that- a break. Not a full break-up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus
A lot of people choose to keep their sexual history from their current partners. And a portion of those have sexual histories that might upset their current partner if they did find out about it. There are threads on this very forum of people bemoaning the fact they found out their current partner had - for example - a large number of partners - or for another example - a homosexual relationship.
Any person at any time can find out something about their partners sexual history that they end up not liking. Why is THIS thread any different from those?
Full disclosure of your sexual history is NOT a required set in stone pre-requisite of being in a relationship. Yet all too many people act like they think it is their due.
Yeah, but this is a different scenario. This is a guy who was invested in a long-term emotional relationship and was blindsided by some BS "break." It's one thing to have an extensive sexual history BEFORE you dated the person. It's a whole different ball game when one adds to that history WHILE involved with a person. Yeah, yeah, they were on a "break." However, if that's the case, be fair and cut the person 100% loose if you want to run around. Don't make the person believe you are being loyal. Don't keep them on the back burner either.
Also, I HIGHLY doubt the OP would like it had the guy did the same thing while they were on their "break."
"3 is completely underhanded"
Yep, but people are petty beings that will always do what is best for them(Sometimes its minor sometimes its not). One thing that I have noticed in life is the biggest stone throwers often have had larger transgressions in their history then the people they attack.
By no means am I an angel and in my younger days, I did exactly this same scenario to a girl that really liked me. In the end I couldn't live with myself, felt horrible, confessed, and we broke up.
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