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If I didn't read that reply, why is it that I directly replied AND bolded most of it under the first post? My point was that you didn't add the rest of it...
I replied to everything in the post - do keep up. Not quoting everything does not mean I did not reply to everything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rs4 fan
...because it doesn't coincide with your viewpoint. SHE said they were on a "break", not break-up.
I am well aware of that - as I have said it numerous times in my posts too. When you are on a break that is a temporary - possibly eventually permanent - cessation of the relationship. If fidelity during this time is expected then this should be specified. The OP has not told us whether this was part of the agreement or not. My point is simple: If Fidelity was not part of the arrangement then she did nothing wrong by having sex while single. It is not a hard point to understand - or explain.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rs4 fan
Yeah, but this is a different scenario
Not to my mind it is not. The sequence of events are slightly different from the norm but the basic point is the same. The sexual history of one person while not in the relationship is their business only. Regardless of whether it happened before the relationship - after it - or during a break during it.
But as I said a few times, including just now above - we need the OP to return and tell us what the actual parameters of their break were. I simply do not agree that fidelity is an unspoken assumed default in any break.
Feel bad for your boyfriend. He should kick you to the curb.
Also, for all you forever alone's that might actually get a girl one day, if she mentions taking a break then just dump her right there. She just wants to go sleep around. That's what they do.
Why does it have to "matter"? It was an event in her private sex life while single. What has it got to do with anyone else? There is no onus on people in relationships to tell anyone what they did with their sexual lives while single.
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus
The relationship was not just in a "rough spot". You are misrepresenting here. The relationship was on hold - on a break - the OP was not technically _in_ a relationship at the time of the sexual relations with the other person therefore. That is massively difficult.
She was - for all effects - single. And you have no say in what single people do with their sex life. Who are you to judge the sex lives of single people exactly?
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus
And as I said as a single person - which she therefore was at the time - that is her perogative. We have no position to judge what single people do with their sex lives. That was all my point was. Protraying this as an infidelity therefore is simply false. How can you commit an indifelity while SINGLE?
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus
I did not realise that being single had a statute of limitations. Single is single - there is no written rule about what you can or can not do with your sex life while single. If the "handful of days" bothers you - then that is just you yourself being judgemental. Your yourself declaring how long people have to be single before they can engage in sex with a new person.
Pocket your judgements - you are not the one to tell single people what they can do with their sex lives - when - how - or with who. Single people can do this for themselves thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus
She can if she wishes. My point is simple however: She does not HAVE to because the event in question was part of her private sex life while she was single. There is no onus on us to share our private sexual history with anyone.
Pretty much all of the statements above, made by you, are assumptions. Mind you, you are the one who said "relationships vary from person to person." Yet, you state the above as FACT for everybody taking a "break." Contradicting much? Now when you say...
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus
I am well aware of that - as I have said it numerous times in my posts too. When you are on a break that is a temporary - possibly eventually permanent - cessation of the relationship. If fidelity during this time is expected then this should be specified. The OP has not told us whether this was part of the agreement or not. My point is simple: If Fidelity was not part of the arrangement then she did nothing wrong by having sex while single. It is not a hard point to understand - or explain.
...you are, once again, backpedaling. Now you're saying it has to be specified? Why did you originally state that all people, such as the OP who didn't specify anything, are automatically "broken up" when they're on a break? How are you going to tell us not to assume anything when that's all you've done above? Now IF she told him this and he agreed, then he shouldn't be angry. However, as YOU said, since she didn't tell us, we (as in ALL of us, including you) cannot assume that she didn't. Regardless, it seems many of the posters here feel the same way, that is, a "break" is not an official break-up. Your opinion is no higher than ours.
By the way, aside from this forum, anytime I've heard someone say they were on a "break", they were still "together" with the person. Just my personal experience.
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus
Not to my mind it is not. The sequence of events are slightly different from the norm but the basic point is the same. The sexual history of one person while not in the relationship is their business only. Regardless of whether it happened before the relationship - after it - or during a break during it.
But as I said a few times, including just now above - we need the OP to return and tell us what the actual parameters of their break were. I simply do not agree that fidelity is an unspoken assumed default in any break.
Well, if what the person did wasn't so wrong, why should she have to hide it? It should be no big deal, right? The sad part is, it seems that you fail to consider the other person's feelings. How would a person feel after they marry (read: one who they thought they can trust and tell them anything) someone, only to find they were unfaithful under their "break?" Depending on the people, I doubt that would go very well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince_Frog
One of the lessons to take from this thread, mod snip, is when someone wants to take a "break", you should discuss the terms of the break, with the most important point being whether or not they are actually single and can date others.
If you don't do this, you should assume that the relationship is over because this situation can happen, and you're either with holding information or lying to keep that person, and both are beatings on a relationship.
72 hrs is all it took to jump into bed with a stranger.
He deserves better.
Not to worry.
If she doesn't tell him now about dropping her dress on a stranger's floor, then he'll find out later when she spreads her legs for one of his buddies while in a drunken state of need.
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. He really is a great guy all around. Pretty early on he told me he was looking for a relationship that could develop into something even longer. He didn't actually use the word "marriage" but I knew that's what he meant. I was completely on the same page with him.
So about two weeks ago I got some information from what I thought was a good friend and confronted my boyfriend with it. He flat out denied it. I didn't believe him and completely over reacted. Basically I told him we should take a break and think things through. He didn't want to but I was so angry and insisted so we did.
A few days later I went out with my best friend and we met up with some other girlfriends at a bar restaurant that we sometimes go to. At some point some guys joined our group and I started chatting with one of them. At around midnight everybody sort of left and it was only me and this guy. We talked alot. We drank some more and I went home with him and stayed the night.
He texted me on Monday and we got together one more time. When I called him on Tuesday, the guy was weird and stuff on the phone. And that was it. Also, and this is the huge one, on Tuesday night, I found out that what I accused my boyfriend of was completely false and that the person who told me had an agenda. Just a miserable *itch.
So I called up my boyfriend and told him I wanted to talk. We got together yesterday and I apologized for losing it and told him that I completely over reacted and felt like an idiot. He was not particularly chatty but said that I should trust and believe him when he says things. I did not say anything about the guy I got together with. I feel really ****ty about that. I want my boyfriend to be my everything so I don't want to lie or decieve or anything like that but I don't know if I should say anything.
Should I keep quiet about it or if not, what would be the best way to be honest?
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