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Girl: I want a break
Boy: Aww, but I thought we were fine, I love you
Girl: I just need time to think...
*girl goes and has sex with 5 guys*
Girl: Babe, I'm ready to get back together, I missed you
Boy: Yay! I missed you too
Yes, that seem complete ok to me... smh
Telling evasion on answering how you keep stating 'if a man' not 'when a man' and 'would be labeled' not 'does get labeled' in regards to this double standard of yours.
Whether it seems ok or not to you is irrelevant as it's about whether there is something to get away with and there's not in the scenarios you described as they were on breaks which were seemingly defined to allow sleeping with others since that was their goal. Seems this is just some male jealousy/pride/ego thing of feeling one is getting 'sloppy seconds' and being a 'chump'
women and men may do things differently. Define on a break- can mean different things to different people and the issue of sex should be brought up so both parties are clear on what's acceptable. It wasn't brought up in this case, sex did happen and now the OP wonders weather or not to tell. She has stated she is not going to tell. Right or wrong? If it wasn't discussed, can we really say it was wrong? Everyone has a different set of values. I think it was promiscuous behavior and there is no such thing as 'it just happened'. Not to judge the OP, don't get me wrong. Just not something I'd personally be likely to do but do we really know until we've walked in her shoes? Isn't part of loving someone forgiveness? Perhaps he should have the opportunity to have the facts and decide if he wants to forgive and forget or forgive and move on . . .this is where the OP is treating her boyfriend unfairly. She is afraid he won't want her. Can anything good really be built on a foundation of fear? Again good luck to you OP.
Telling evasion on answering how you keep stating 'if a man' not 'when a man' and 'would be labeled' not 'does get labeled' in regards to this double standard of yours.
Whether it seems ok or not to you is irrelevant as it's about whether there is something to get away with and there's not in the scenarios you described as they were on breaks which were seemingly defined to allow sleeping with others since that was their goal. Seems this is just some male jealousy/pride/ego thing of feeling one is getting 'sloppy seconds' and being a 'chump'
The reason I used 'if' and 'would' is because to me those are the most LIKELY scenarios. If I used 'when' and 'does' then I'm implying that it happens ALL the time. The point I was trying to make is that it happens MOST of the time not ALL time, although it might seem like it happens ALL the time from what I've observed, that might not be the case everywhere else.
Secondly, the example I used is deceiving nonetheless on the woman's behalf, but you seem to find something wrong with it. To each is own, if you believe in lying about the status of the relationship in order to explore your urges and return like nothing ever happened, you have every right to believe it should work out that way.
I thought for a long time about this and I decided "not to tell" my boyfriend for a bunch or reasons.
First of all, like Momentus said, we actually were on a break and I was single during that time and a single woman (or man) is allowed to do as she wants. How do I know for sure the HE didn't go and have sex?
Second, contrary to what some people here said, I did not go on a break so I could go and sleep with some other guy. I wasn't looking fo it. It just happened that night - I was with some friends and the guy and I just started talking.
Third, I think that by telling my boyfriend, it would do more harm than good. He really is the one for me and I don't want to hurt him. So I think letting sleeping dogs lie is the best way to go.
Finally, the other guy really meant nothing. I got caught up in the moment and things happened that I regret. As a matter of fact, the other guy actually texted me yesterday to see if I wanted to get together. I answered no and told him not to text me again.
My boyfriend has not really been himself these past couple of days and asked all sorts of questions but I am focusing on making him feel good and have apologized over and over abou tnot believing him when this all started. And yes, I was stupid to believe my ex girlfriend's comments over my boyfriend's.
Didn't read through the whole thread, so I don't know if someone else brought this up:
Would you or do you want to know if he did anything on "the break"? How would you feel if you found out (from someone else) he did sleep with someone on "the break"? Dig deep and answer yourself honestly. He probably already senses something happened (according to your post), lying to him is the worst thing you can do, it will taint the relationship.
Another thought for the OP and a couple of others I could name: if taking a break means you're single, then why can't you tell your bf what you did while you were on break? Could it be. . . that you know darn well that that's not how he, or most of the rest of the population, defines "break"? I've noticed that it usually gets defined as a convenience by the person taking it so I'm with ascension on that one--if anyone, man or woman, wants to take a break, then let them go. I'm sure there are exceptions, but they'd have to be pretty extreme.
And no Jonathan, neither gender gets a pass on this one--you'd know that if you'd read the thread. There are only two other posters defending her actions and udolipixie is one of them and she pretty much hates men.
If he was so wonderful why didn't you believe him? Why did you go and screw the first guy you saw?
I am going to be honest with you I have been the other guy in this story that you have met at the bar. And the more women I seem to get with that are like that the less and less I believe in marriage or relationships. They are so many girls that lie and are dishonest with their boyfriends. You should own up to your mistake now and maybe that can be some redemption for you.
Sounds like it's possible HE is wonderful and SHE is not.
The reason I used 'if' and 'would' is because to me those are the most LIKELY scenarios. If I used 'when' and 'does' then I'm implying that it happens ALL the time. The point I was trying to make is that it happens MOST of the time not ALL time, although it might seem like it happens ALL the time from what I've observed, that might not be the case everywhere else.
Secondly, the example I used is deceiving nonetheless on the woman's behalf, but you seem to find something wrong with it. To each is own, if you believe in lying about the status of the relationship in order to explore your urges and return like nothing ever happened, you have every right to believe it should work out that way.
You stated that you were talking about your perspective/observations not making a declarative statement which means talking about the case everywhere else so stating 'when' and 'does' as in what happens most or all of the time in your observations would be okay as you're not talking about the case everywhere else. So in your observations when a guy does this he is labeled a dog most of the time. Nice on you finally clarifying yet your observations don't sync or seemingly have relevance to this discussion as the posts show your perceived double standard isn't here.
It's not deceiving as she didn't go around cheating. Nor is it lying about the status of the relationship as it was declared and she agreed to it. How is she lying about the status of the relationship- were they not on break? are they not now back together?
Another thought for the OP and a couple of others I could name: if taking a break means you're single, then why can't you tell your bf what you did while you were on break? Could it be. . . that you know darn well that that's not how he, or most of the rest of the population, defines "break"? I've noticed that it usually gets defined as a convenience by the person taking it so I'm with ascension on that one--if anyone, man or woman, wants to take a break, then let them go. I'm sure there are exceptions, but they'd have to be pretty extreme.
And no Jonathan, neither gender gets a pass on this one--you'd know that if you'd read the thread. There are only two other posters defending her actions and udolipixie is one of them and she pretty much hates men.
The reason she doesn't tell him is probably because it may negatively affect the outcome she wants. No different than guys who sleep with prostitutes when they were single choose not to divulge that information to potential or current partners because even though it's in the past and they were single it might negatively affect the outcome they want.
Egh I don't pretty much hate men and do show me where I've stated or shown such. It seems you're projecting quite a bit. Awh I recall you as the one who seemingly took offense to me having a size preference for male genitals.
Whatever shenanigans during the "break" are moot. The whole accusing him of something that clearly wasn't true, you had no proof of, or anything is most telling of the op's character.
Whether it was justification for screwing around or other recreational activities, whatever.
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