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Not really considering her actions happened when it was on break. So if the break defined/assumed sleeping with others is acceptable which it seemed to considering she appears dismissive about him sleeping with others it's not evading responsibility as you claimed for her not to tell him or hiding/lying and such.
The issue here isn't really that she had sex with someone else, the issue is that she had sex with someone else predicated on a lie about her boyfriend that she didn't even bother to substantiate.
To me that warrants not only an apology, but full disclosure as well.
Also, think about this. She said that she needed a break to think things through, not that she needed a break to sleep around. If someone says to me I need some time to think about things, I'm going to be assuming that they will be thinking about things and not having sex with the first person who unzips their pants.
And why is it only about the result that she wants? What about him and his choices, if she cares about him as much as she claims?
The issue here isn't really that she had sex with someone else, the issue is that she had sex with someone else predicated on a lie about her boyfriend that she didn't even bother to substantiate.
To me that warrants not only an apology, but full disclosure as well.
Also, think about this. She said that she needed a break to think things through, not that she needed a break to sleep around. If someone says to me I need some time to think about things, I'm going to be assuming that they will be thinking about things and not having sex with the first person who unzips their pants.
And why is it only about the result that she wants? What about him and his choices, if she cares about him as much as she claims?
Egh different opinions. To me the issue is that she broke up with him based on a lie trusting a friend more than her partner.
For me the apology warranted is about breaking up trusting her friend more than him and the full disclosure warranted is what the friend lied about not the sleeping with someone else.
Egh I didn't state it was only about the result that she wants I did state not getting the result she wants is likely a reason she doesn't tell him. As for him and his choices it's possible she cares about him thinking their relationship is better to have than to not have.
I would be done with you on the spot if I knew this information. And you know damn well this is the reason why you don't want to tell him. If it really was a break then you would have no problem telling him straight UP.
This is why I strongly believe that the only person one can trust is him or herself. That's life...
And why is it only about the result that she wants? What about him and his choices, if she cares about him as much as she claims?
Yes this. The problem with withholding the info from her bf is that he doesn't have all the info he needs to make a rational choice. He may very well go into a marriage now thinking that she just had an irrational moment when in fact it was much more than what he thought. This will come out in the end, and when it does, it would be better if it weren't 5 years and 2 kids later. The OP needs to find someone who's more comfortable with uncertainties like this, and he will probably be a cheater himself, and that's for the best.
Egh different opinions. To me the issue is that she broke up with him based on a lie trusting a friend more than her partner.
For me the apology warranted is about breaking up trusting her friend more than him and the full disclosure warranted is what the friend lied about not the sleeping with someone else.
Egh I didn't state it was only about the result that she wants I did state not getting the result she wants is likely a reason she doesn't tell him. As for him and his choices it's possible she cares about him thinking their relationship is better to have than to not have.
The break was based on a lie, and is invalidated because of it. If he had cheated on her, I'd say you have a point, but basically she cheated on him since the entire reason she did it was based on something that didn't even happen.
As for his choices, he can't make a real choice without knowing the entire truth, and what you are basically saying is that she is manipulating him into thinking what she wants him to think, which is that they have a solid relationship when actually that's the furthest thing from the truth.
I'd like to say, to anyone who reads this thread, that you should see that everyone should take a "break" as a break-up, and let the person know that you are either together or not and if they choose to go ahead with then end it for good, no matter how difficult it is.
If they want to walk, let them walk and go on with the rest of your life. If you can't work out issues together, then what hope does the relationship have anyway?
The break was based on a lie, and is invalidated because of it. If he had cheated on her, I'd say you have a point, but basically she cheated on him since the entire reason she did it was based on something that didn't even happen.
As for his choices, he can't make a real choice without knowing the entire truth, and what you are basically saying is that she is manipulating him into thinking what she wants him to think, which is that they have a solid relationship when actually that's the furthest thing from the truth.
I'd like to say, to anyone who reads this thread, that you should see that everyone should take a "break" as a break-up, and let the person know that you are either together or not and if they choose to go ahead with then end it for good, no matter how difficult it is.
If they want to walk, let them walk and go on with the rest of your life. If you can't work out issues together, then what hope does the relationship have anyway?
Egh it's not invalidated as the validity of a break isn't dependent on whether the reason is true or false rather it's validity is based on whether it's mutually agreed upon. It's quite some stretch to call it cheating because the reason for the break were false they were on a break that was mutually agreed upon the reason for it being false doesn't change they were on break.
I'm not basically saying she is manipulating him into thinking what she wants him to think which is they have a solid relationship. I'm saying she is making the choice for him by not telling him what she did when they were on break. Meh whether they have a solid relationship is a toss up and I doubt that is what he thinks considering they had a break so I highly doubt that is what she's manipulating him into thinking by not telling him about sleeping with another .
Yes this. The problem with withholding the info from her bf is that he doesn't have all the info he needs to make a rational choice. He may very well go into a marriage now thinking that she just had an irrational moment when in fact it was much more than what he thought. This will come out in the end, and when it does, it would be better if it weren't 5 years and 2 kids later. The OP needs to find someone who's more comfortable with uncertainties like this, and he will probably be a cheater himself, and that's for the best.
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. He really is a great guy all around. Pretty early on he told me he was looking for a relationship that could develop into something even longer. He didn't actually use the word "marriage" but I knew that's what he meant. I was completely on the same page with him.
So about two weeks ago I got some information from what I thought was a good friend and confronted my boyfriend with it. He flat out denied it. I didn't believe him and completely over reacted. Basically I told him we should take a break and think things through. He didn't want to but I was so angry and insisted so we did.
A few days later I went out with my best friend and we met up with some other girlfriends at a bar restaurant that we sometimes go to. At some point some guys joined our group and I started chatting with one of them. At around midnight everybody sort of left and it was only me and this guy. We talked alot. We drank some more and I went home with him and stayed the night.
He texted me on Monday and we got together one more time. When I called him on Tuesday, the guy was weird and stuff on the phone. And that was it. Also, and this is the huge one, on Tuesday night, I found out that what I accused my boyfriend of was completely false and that the person who told me had an agenda. Just a miserable *itch.
So I called up my boyfriend and told him I wanted to talk. We got together yesterday and I apologized for losing it and told him that I completely over reacted and felt like an idiot. He was not particularly chatty but said that I should trust and believe him when he says things. I did not say anything about the guy I got together with. I feel really ****ty about that. I want my boyfriend to be my everything so I don't want to lie or decieve or anything like that but I don't know if I should say anything.
Should I keep quiet about it or if not, what would be the best way to be honest?
If you are not married, you are single. There is no *in between*. Single people do not have a commitment and have no obligation to the other person. What you do is your business. What he does is his business. Until you are married that's how it is. You don't owe him any explanation at all, and neither does he owe you one.
Do you want other people making choices for you? For you're own good, of course.
I don't do 'ok' or 'not ok' unless it pertains to harming children/animals and I tend to logically default to legality. This isn't harming children/animals and isn't against the law so I'm cool with it.
Meh I don't see how whether I want others to make choices for me has no relevance here as I generally don't get emotional or project my desires into logistics so this seeming ploy on my emotions won't have work. Though so you don't think I'm evading I don't want others to make choices for me though I don't go it's 'not ok' when they do rather I react how I want to when they've made a choice for me such as when guys approach me choosing to not let me have my choice of space.
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So if the break defined/assumed sleeping with others is acceptable which it seemed to considering she appears dismissive about him sleeping with others it's not evading responsibility as you claimed for her not to tell him or hiding/lying and such.
