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My boyfriend and I have been together since highschool, for about 3 or 4 years now. We broke up once for about six months when I found out he was joining the Air Force, but we ended up getting back together 2 months before he left for BMT.
It doesn't sound like you have ever accepted it and perhaps harbor an underlying resentment?
This is sad. You may never find another guy that loves you as much or treats you as well. But... the heart wants what the heart wants. As the saying goes, you can't make a heart love somebody. It's the age old dilemma - if you can't have both, be with the one you love or the one who loves you?
Is there someone else? If so, the damage is done. If not, perhaps being together would restore what attracted you in the first place? How long will he be away?
This is sad. You may never find another guy that loves you as much or treats you as well. But... the heart wants what the heart wants.
If she's only a few years past high school, as her post indicates, the odds of this being true are fairly low. You meet a lot of people in life, and nobody loving you as much and treating you as well as your high school boyfriend did seems like it doesn't have a huge chance of likelihood, statistically speaking. Considering where most high school aged males are on the emotional maturity spectrum, it seems even less likely that you'll never be loved and/or treated as well past that point.
My boyfriend and I have been together since highschool, for about 3 or 4 years now. We broke up once for about six months when I found out he was joining the Air Force, but we ended up getting back together 2 months before he left for BMT. We wrote letters the whole time, I was crazy about him again, and it was romantic every time I would fly to visit him.
Now, it is a year later. This man does so very much for me. Pays for hotel rooms, cars, food, gifts, etc. when I go to visit him. Showers me with unconditional love every time I see him. Texts me all day, always wants to Skype. Brags to everybody about how lucky he is to have me.
But I have major guilty feelings going on lately... I just don't feel the same anymore. I feel as though I'm with him partially because I "owe it to him" now, which is the last reason a relationship should stay together. I don't know what went wrong*– he has been nothing but great to me. I am just not as attracted to him as I used to be, I don't have any passionate feelings anymore, and feel annoyed as he constantly texts me.
I don't know how to break any of this to him. I care for him so much still, and don't want to break his heart but I know it is inevitable. Any ideas on how to take on this hard subject?
Thank you.
OP, think about this really long and hard. A really good man is hard to find, just as a really good woman. Some people leave because the grass is greener, but it's not. I know your boyfriend does a lot for you to see him, because he knows how hard it is on you.
I'm not going to deny that it would be hard for me too. It's easy to get this feeling that this is just not a lifestyle I want to endure any longer. If you truly feel that way, then let the relationship go. Just don't be the type that gets lonely, because someone or something didn't fill the void of him, and then you go back to him. That's first and foremost not fair to him, but it's not fair to you either. The way you talk about your boyfriend says alot about him. It's not him that's the problem, it's him being in the service. It's not him, it's the situation.
I just say to think long and hard about it, because I know a couple of people that got out of relationship thinking it was going to be wine and roses afterwards. The road was very hard and they didn't want to go at it alone. Ended up settling in a relationship worse than the one they left. Just something to think about.
He will be away for about 5 more years. There is nobody else I'd rather have… he just suffocates me even though he is not here. I haven't ever recalled having a true sense of independence and now that I'm getting older I'd like to find that; find myself. I don't know if I can do this while still in this relationship. Thank you.
I'm not sure what killed the feelings. I'm the kind of person that loves having time to myself to be alone, and before he left for the AF he didn't let me have a lot of that. I've always loved him, but he's always been a touch overwhelming. He always wanted to be full on, together 24/7, get married in the future, and spend every day possible together. The distance and not seeing him was SO hard at first, but has gotten easier. I just think he tries to overcompensate… like if I don't text him back within 20 minutes, he'll send two more. Then maybe go and "like" 20 of my facebook photos at once. Then send me 5 snapchats. Clingy over the cell phone, if thats possible.
But then again, what am I suppose to expect from him? He loves me and can't be here and that is his own way of making up for it. I just feel like such a jerk for being annoyed by it.
He will be away for about 5 more years. There is nobody else I'd rather have… he just suffocates me even though he is not here. I haven't ever recalled having a true sense of independence and now that I'm getting older I'd like to find that; find myself. I don't know if I can do this while still in this relationship. Thank you.
Honestly, don't take this the wrong way, but I think you want the suffocation, but with him on the couch with you. It's emotionally suffocating you, but you aren't getting any of the physical suffocating. You're getting drunk on the emotional, but dying of thirst on the physical. Your current situation is likely too hot and cold. You're wanting lukewarm. Am I too far off base?
OP you are attempting to do the right thing if you really do have the feeling of needing to be yourself outside of being someone's "SO"
You shouldn't feel ashamed for wanting more out of life. It nobodies fault. Life takes us in different directions sometimes. You can't live your whole life trying to please others ignoring your own ambitions and desires.
That isn't living, that's being someone's servant.
Society seems to have some stigma that relationships must all end on bad events and everyone must have ill feeling towards the other....not sure why this is, but don't let it make you feel as though having your own needs is somehow "wrong"
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