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Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,068,851 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by grumptacular
You just go out and ask somebody who you are attracted to, out! [...] You get a no, move on to the next one. What is to know?!?
Well, just speaking for myself:
Unfortunately, all but two people who found out I had feelings felt uncomfortable and didn't even want to be friends. Didn't exactly fill me with confidence.
Being attracted to a girl and feeling in love with her are separate for me, so I don't have a list of people to move on to.
Since I was 13 which is 23 years now, I have met five women with whom I would have wanted to be in a romantic relationship. Among the two who did not feel uncomfortable with hearing that I had feelings fire them, neither reciprocated my feelings. One lives in Florida while I live in California with no ability to move across the country, and she has family obligations there, and the other girl I lost touch with after middle school.
Given my financial and general life situation, right now a relationship wouldn't be practical anyway, but I still feel lonely, rejected, sad, etc.when I think about my lack of a love life.
I guess I don't understand. I thrive I being the underdog. There have been just to many examples in my life, that when all the chips are down, I thrive. I don't know how or why, but I do. So I guess when it comes down to not being able to do something as easy and rewarding as talking to a woman, I don't understand.
You aren't trying to apply for a CEO position, or get top clearance for a government agency, you are trying to communicate with a female.
There are too many options that give people the opportunity to meet with other individuals for me to understand not being able to do it.
If you let something control you, like the fear you feel over this issue, what other things will you end up cheating yourself out of in life?
It's funny. I can apply for a job easily, I can talk in an interview easily, I could swim with sharks, wrestle an alligator, and pet a Lion and wouldn't be afraid. However, approaching a woman frightens me. How backwards am I?
I see from your ability to type a thought out in this thread, that you do know how to communicate a thought. That is all you need! You just go out and ask somebody who you are attracted to, out! Period. It is that easy. You may get rejected, but they are only words. Words only stain if you let them. You get a no, move on to the next one. What is to know?!?
What you fail to realize is that just because some men can get dates/girlfriends, it doesn't mean all men can get them. Life does not work that way.
Neu, that is something that I know must seem like an insurmountable hurdle at this time, but you are letting opportunities go by. Time has a funny way of flying by. Rejection stings, but you can't let it define you. I know I've read it on several of these threads, but if you put yourself out in public, the opportunities are there.
Don't worry about love now.
Go watch Rocky movies for inspiration!
Go out and ask out a woman for a coffee or a milkshake. She doesn't have to be your most ideal woman. You don't even have to ask someone you see dating for 3 dates. Just one girl. One date. If you ask 10 women out, all you need is one.
At least that is how I would approach it.
I posted this a while back on another thread. I hope it helps.
Quote:
Originally Posted by grumptacular
I know this is a little off the wall but there is a lesson.
When I was in cell phone sales, I was only allowed to sell to companies. In the month of February, particularly in the years I was selling, no company wanted to spend a flush of money on new cell phones for their employees. I needed to sell 45 phones that month to continue my streak. My sales funnel was exhausted trying to hit goal in January. It was already well in to the first week of a short month, and I was stressing.
I decided to change my goal from 45 units to 1,000 no's. If I could contact 1,000 people, I will sell 45 phones. SO, I did! I called every company I could find a number for. All day long. Cold call, after cold call, after cold call. 90%+ of everyday was nothing but rejection. Some were cool, some were rude. I had a sheet, then a board, I kept my tally on for all my NO's. I did not keep a tally on my phone count. I had confidence in myself and my process.
On the morning of the 27th, I got my 1,000 No. I had made 51 sales. 3 more I could have hit the bonus, but by that point I was exhausted. I did create enough business for the next couple of months based on those calls to easily hit my goal from that point on.
Keep putting yourself out there. It may take a lot of rejection, but patience and confidence will prevail in great success.
I'm not shy, I am introverted. There is a difference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27
However, approaching a woman frightens me.
what frightens you about women?
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