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For the past four years I have stuck by my boyfriends side through everything and its been very very trying.
A lot of women would not have been as patient as I have or sacrifice as much as I did.
We combined incomes, furniture etc. When we moved 1100 miles away from home to take care of my grandmother and great grandmother I gave up a lot of my stuff and kept his.
I have been there 110% the whole time.
I have taken an interest in his interest, we do the things HE wants to do, we get the things HE wants to get.
Disc golf, going to the state park and going for walks, whatever he wants.
He's never once played soccer with me, he hates movies and in the 4 years we've know each other we've never gone to see a movie in theaters but he's told me to open my mind and try new things I have but he won't.
We never do anything I want to do and my friends want to go do those things and I usually say no because he whines about me going without him but he doesn't like the activities.
It spans from small stuff like we'll be deciding what type of jelly to get, I'll say grape, he'll say strawberry, I'll remind him we got strawberry last time and he says fine, we'll just get both and waste more money. Which leads me to say fine get the strawberry.
To big things like he drops the bomb on me that HE wants to have kids with in the next year or two, I'll only be 26 by then, I peaked late, I was a size 14 in womens in HS, I hated myself, I was awkward. Now, I'm 115 a size 0, I'm still a little socially awkward sometimes but I am a totally different person. I don't want to have kids in two years, I want to enjoy this a little longer. I have friends now, I get invited places, I have chances to go out and do fun things......most importantly he's welcome to come but he doesn't want to.
So all of a sudden he wants kids in the next year or two and because I am not automatically on board I am selfish. I rather have grape jelly so that makes me selfish. Basically if I don't agree with him or want to do the same thing I am selfish.
He used to leave me home all the time while he went out with his friends, he'd go out everyday after work to play disc golf, on the weekends. Leaving me home alone a lot.
In the past 7 months I have gone out 3 times, counting this up coming Sunday. My store goes and sees movies together, huge group of like 15. I have ONE best friend who I see a few times a week and we sit at her house and hang out for a little bit.
I do all the damn cleaning. He doesn't do any cleaning but plenty of mess making. He throws all his trash under his nightstand, he leaves his clothes everywhere, he leaves soda cans all over the place, he never picks up after the dogs. He then tells me I do nothing around the house, which is a lie, I am always doing laundry, picking up after the dogs, washing all the dishes.
It's driving me nuts, I work fulltime. I come home every night to him, I spend time with him. Occasionally I'd like to go out with my friends, hang with my best friend, have a NORMAL relationship where we have our own things we do, things we do together and split the house work 50/50. Going out maybe 3-4 times a month for a couple of hours with friends is not a lot. I am home every night, we have days off together, 3-4 hours maybe 5 is nothing just a few times a month.
Yet I am selfish for this.
Today is my day off and instead of relaxing, doing my eyebrows which need help, re painting my nails etc, everything I let go all time. I have the WHOLE house to clean. Trash, clothes etc out of the bedroom, sweeping and mopping every room. ALL the dishes, the whole kitchen, the dining room needs to be mopped. I've already gone to work for a meeting, taken the dogs to the park. I know taking care of a house is a responsibility but damn I would love some help.
Again, I'm the selfish one.
His sister is a perfect example of how I would like our relationship should be. She and her boyfriend live together, they have their own friends, they do things with their own friends and then they do stuff together. They spend one day a week cleaning together.
But I'm selfish for wanting a nicely balanced relationship.
He just seems to enjoy going to work, coming home and crap just being done for him.
It's caused a lot of fighting, a lot of screaming on my part.
He wonders why I get so worked up when I just came home from a 12 hour shift while he's been home since 6 laying in bed watching tv and ask me to get up and go get him a drink or make dinner. He wonders why I get so irate when he does the things he does. Seriously, more often than not it ends with me screaming and yelling. It's just so frustrating.
I don't understand how I am the selfish one when I am the one who always gives up, caves in and gives him what he wants.
So leave the guy, take what little of yours you have left, find your own place, buy your own grape jelly and don't have kids.
Then you can find someone new and quit complaining about the current guy.
I don't understand why you still tolerate all the dramatic crap but it appears you choose to stay.
Sometimes these things you describe does happen in a relationship, where one person does the majority, or all of the work sometimes, but it's not an all the time thing. You have a reason to be upset and angry.
I don't know why you even stay with a guy like this. He just takes advantage of you. It really makes no sense to me.
So leave the guy, take what little of yours you have left, find your own place, buy your own grape jelly and don't have kids.
Then you can find someone new and quit complaining about the current guy.
I don't understand why you still tolerate all the dramatic crap but it appears you choose to stay.
It's my house.
We moved here to take care of my family, we live in one of their houses rent free for taking care of them.
I wouldn't be the one to leave.
We share a car and like I said we moved 1100 miles away from home. He'd have to find a car and a new place out here or go back home, which would require us moving him back out there.
We see what we want to see. He may not see it the way you see it all.
However, the problem occurs when you tell him how you feel it's unfair and not balanced. Are you met with resistance? Sounds like you are or are you met with a conversation or discussion as to how and why you fell that way and what can be done to improve the situation. That's a partnership.
Don't forget it's about your approach too. If come at him like a bull you're going to get a bull right back and butt heads.
If you feel you've been reasonable with your discussions with him; it may be time to reevaluate your relationship with him. A Sussie homemaker doesn't sound like your cup of tea.
I don't think you're selfish at all. You're a doormat.
It hasn't always been this bad but since we moved to the south he's got this totally different outlook on life.
It's all country music, hard work and me doing whatever he wants to do.
It's my house.
We moved here to take care of my family, we live in one of their houses rent free for taking care of them.
I wouldn't be the one to leave.
We share a car and like I said we moved 1100 miles away from home. He'd have to find a car and a new place out here or go back home, which would require us moving him back out there.
We see what we want to see. He may not see it the way you see it all.
However, the problem occurs when you tell him how you feel it's unfair and not balanced. Are you met with resistance? Sounds like you are or are you met with a conversation or discussion as to how and why you fell that way and what can be done to improve the situation. That's a partnership.
Don't forget it's about your approach too. If come at him like a bull you're going to get a bull right back and butt heads.
If you feel you've been reasonable with your discussions with him; it may be time to reevaluate your relationship with him. A Sussie homemaker doesn't sound like your cup of tea.
No it's not my cup of tea and I am met with resistance not a discussion.
I have no issue with cleaning and taking care of the house but I work full time too and I like to go out too.
I want an equal relationship.
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