Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Single, Divorced, Older Folks - Would you marry again?
I think it depends on your marriage experience. I'm sure those who were divorced because they were cheated on, abused in any way, in short, bad marriage most likely would never marry again.
But those who were widowed and in general had a long happy marriage most likely will have no prob re marrying. Like my father, when my mother passed away it only took him short time and re married.
When I almost divorced, I really thought marriage was a joke. Because I almost divorced my husband of merely 2 months. Now my marriage is OK. We worked on our marriage so we are still together. I of course would like it to be like my parents marriage like LITERALLY til death do us part.
But if for some reason, we broke up, or he dies before me. I have a feeling I won't marry again. I would just be okay with live in arrangements. Or weekend rendezvous relationship.
My mom and dad had a really good marriage for over 50 years when he passed away. One day, when I was visiting, they were talking about "after one of us is gone". Dad said it didn't really bother him to think of Mom marrying another man but it made him kind of mad to think of another man touching her! lol My mom laughed and laughed and asked him what ever gave him the idea that, having already spent over 50 years married, she'd want to do it AGAIN! A couple of old guys from her church tried flirting with her after Dad passed away and she just laughed but I think she was flattered too. She was 76. It's been ten years now and she's doing just fine.
OTOH I had a cousin who was killed in a car accident leaving behind a very young widow and two tiny kids. Six months later she married his best friend and they've been married for 50 years now. We all expected her to remarry but not that fast. We all knew the guy and liked him so we didn't care but I don't think my aunt ever forgave her for "sullying" my cousins memory.
You have a major point, I will concede that. Post #81 addresses this attitude, and presents why this situation exists. However, this is not always true. In my case, I was recently retired, and she still worked full time. I did all of the laundry, shopping, and most of the housework. By mutual agreement, she cleaned her own bathroom, and I did mine. Rather intimidating to walk into a lady's bathroom, "What is all this junk, and how the heck can I work around it and clean this place without breaking or misplacing something?" Because my cooking skills are very basic, she did do most of it. It would have been grossly unfair for me not to do these chores, she worked and I did not. I perhaps took care of 75% of the household tasks, and I did them voluntarily, she did not need to ask or coax. This arrangement worked.
You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.
Or, as my mother would have said, you made yourself useful.
My father was that way after his four daughters got on his case after we saw our mother exhaust herself one too many times. We also gave him a wok and a few gadgets, and he got really into cooking, and eventually he took over holiday baking, which was actually kind of fun because by then I was the only one at home and we did that together.
Come to think of it, that might be why I'm so adamant about men sharing domestic duties. If my father, Mr. Old School Italian, could do it, any man can!
I have to say, I loved being married too but often wonder why. I wanted to share my life with someone and, yes, be part of a team. I learned that watching my parents all my life. Great team work. Unfortunately I married men who didn't need a 'team'. They were 'the Boss' and that's all we needed. It's hard when your ideas and wants are ignored because they 'know best'. I rarely had a reason to argue because, admittedly, the final decision wasn't bad. Not for the marriage or for us, so how could I argue? Therefore I never really got anything I wanted because no team work or compromise. I guess, for me, "compromise" was simply "giving in" and is something I'll never do again.
that is what I mean when I always say, I don't want to wake up at the end of someone else's idea of what a marriage should be, and I believe that is really difficult for most people to understand.
We all own our own identities, personalities, thoughts and feelings about things, taught to us by our parents, teachers, and other adults in our lives. Then you marry someone who possesses a whole other culture, train of thoughts and ideas of what a marriage and life together should be.....and it clashes and no one seems to understand why.
Just like people who rush into a thread and hammer others for their ideas and thoughts and become insulted by how others feel...why? Because they feel you are coming down on their entire way of life, instead of reading, learning and just simply being open.....
We all own our own identities, personalities, thoughts and feelings about things, taught to us by our parents, teachers, and other adults in our lives. Then you marry someone who possesses a whole other culture, train of thoughts and ideas of what a marriage and life together should be.....and it clashes and no one seems to understand why.
And this is why many marriages fail. People get married SO quickly now...before they have spent time to learn the true measure of a person. People tend to overlook those little "differences" when they are dating and in that "oh I'm so in love" frame of mind. It's only when that "shiny new penny" phase has faded that you can honestly see the qualities of the other. Too often, that happens after a marriage has taken place. Sure you will find plenty of examples where people barely met, married, and lived happily ever after, but I believe those are the exceptions, not the rule.
Also, I think it's much harder to find someone that you want to be with all the time, when you are older, later 40's, 50's and up. I always say it's like planting two trees side by side. Two young trees will grow together winding their branches around each other, providing mutual support, and fitting each other well when mature. Plant two mature trees side by side, and they'll need far more room to fit all those protruding branches, and you'll probably have to cut a few branches off to fit them together. A few trees will survive that, but most won't.
And this is why many marriages fail. People get married SO quickly now...before they have spent time to learn the true measure of a person. .
Seems like many wait a long time (in their 30's) to get married then rush into it hearing that clock tick.
When you've waited to 32-35 to get married the selection is a lot slimmer and the rush is on.
My mom and dad had a really good marriage for over 50 years when he passed away. One day, when I was visiting, they were talking about "after one of us is gone". Dad said it didn't really bother him to think of Mom marrying another man but it made him kind of mad to think of another man touching her! lol My mom laughed and laughed and asked him what ever gave him the idea that, having already spent over 50 years married, she'd want to do it AGAIN!
In my case, I heard my mom asked my father if he will remarry after she passed, (in a child like manner/tone) my father said, if he ever remarries it does not mean he loved her less. And I think in the end she gave my father a go signal to remarry. Like I said my father has re married. I think more than anything is coz my father is the type that can't be alone like one poster said she was told by a future widow.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
We all own our own identities, personalities, thoughts and feelings about things, taught to us by our parents, teachers, and other adults in our lives. Then you marry someone who possesses a whole other culture, train of thoughts and ideas of what a marriage and life together should be.....and it clashes and no one seems to understand why..
I married my husband within only 2 months of dating. Yes we also almost divorce within only 2 months of marriage. But we made it work. I am Catholic, he is atheist, I'm Asian, he is American.
It works for us because even though we have different culture, beliefs we both are strictly monogamous. And I really don't have probs co habitating with him because he is not the typical guy who demands you cook or clean for him.
He cleans up after himself. We never argue on who does dishes or cooks, we do both. I never nag him to throw the trash he does it himself.
Maybe it helps we also never discuss our different beliefs. We talk about it sometimes but we never end in shouting matches. We just agree to disagree.
The key is compromise. If one is too stubborn to always have his way then yes it will definitely be better to stay single for life.
Or, as my mother would have said, you made yourself useful.
Thank you for that. The point that I have been trying to make throughout this thread is that all men are not the same. There are many men, of every age, young, middle aged, and old, that love the women in their lives that are important to them deeply. These men can be very caring, thoughtful, considerate, are not controling or tyrants, and do not cheat. They do share household chores, and give the woman they love emotional warmth, affection, and support in non sexual ways. There are an equal number of women that give these same qualities to the man they love. The problem seems to be a man and woman like this finding each other and pairing up, ie, Good Man/Good Woman. So often it is Good Woman/Bad Man or Good Man/Bad Woman, or Bad Man/Bad Woman, and that is one of life's unfortunate things.
Well, lilacs are a great thing to smell like, if I say so myself, but in terms of gaseous emissions, I have to wonder if perhaps she's just sitting next to a Glade Plug-In when she lets 'em rip?
Here on the mountain, in the forest around my home, beautiful wild Lilacs grow, purple ones & white. In the springtime, it smells especially sweet & wonderful here......
In my case, I heard my mom asked my father if he will remarry after she passed, (in a child like manner/tone) my father said, if he ever remarries it does not mean he loved her less. And I think in the end she gave my father a go signal to remarry. Like I said my father has re married. I think more than anything is coz my father is the type that can't be alone like one poster said she was told by a future widow.
If my mom had died first my dad wouldn't have married again. In fact I don't think he'd have lived much longer. It's a sad story, as to why, but my mom spent a lot of years taking care of him. He wrecked his plane on our family farm when he was just 26 and nearly died. He was paralyzed for months. He had many physical issues all his life but still worked like a super hero to take care of his family. He worked a long time in 'cold war' jobs...building missles, etc.. Then he started to build/rehab homes/apts., build drilling rigs and drill wells, build sawmills...the guy was a genius but physically in really bad shape. The family used to tell Mom she "spoiled" him because she always put his shoes on and took them off but he couldn't. She worked side by side with him her whole life and he would've been totally lost without her.
Good grief. This is the most depressing thread ever!
Yes, I've said it a gazillion times on here.
You're very young and your marriage failed too early. Hopefully you'll get another chance to fulfill that part of your dream.
When you're well into middle age (and happily married) ask yourself if you'd want to start over with a new partner after the one you have is gone.
Odds are you'll see what we're talking about.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Because my cooking skills are very basic, she did do most of it. It would have been grossly unfair for me not to do these chores, she worked and I did not. I perhaps took care of 75% of the household tasks, and I did them voluntarily, she did not need to ask or coax. This arrangement worked.
