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BUT think about grey divorce, when couples in their 50s split up. By that point, the women have been caregiving for most of their adult lives--raising children, running a household, putting their families' needs above their own. So when they divorce, they see it as a new stage in life where they really don't have to worry about anyone but themselves. It's time for them to go out and do all the things they didn't or couldn't do when they were busy raising children and running a home. It's their time for them. If they're going to worry about anyone, it's an aging parent, not a newcomer to their lives. And that's if there's just one newcomer, the husband. Don't forget that new husbands in their 50s also bring along their their adult children, their grandchildren, and their aging parents, and even though this is 2014, many men of a certain age still expect their wives to worry about all of those other people, too.
BUT think about grey divorce, when couples in their 50s split up. By that point,
the women have been caregiving for most of their adult lives--raising children,
running a household, putting their families' needs above their own.
And the men have been working just as long and taking (mostly figurative) bullets from all sides. Are they not putting their family's needs above their own? I know I have put just as much of myself into raising children as their mother has. But men are the ones who are always wrong? I don't see it.
Quote:
So when they divorce, they see it as a new stage in life where they really don't
have to worry about anyone but themselves. It's time for them to go out and do
all the things they didn't or couldn't do when they were busy raising children
and running a home. It's their time for them.
A man could be just as hell-bent and have just as much of a basis to feel this way as a woman can. Why is a woman such a saint and a man such a no-good loser?
BUT think about grey divorce, when couples in their 50s split up. By that point, the women have been caregiving for most of their adult lives--raising children, running a household, putting their families' needs above their own. So when they divorce, they see it as a new stage in life where they really don't have to worry about anyone but themselves. It's time for them to go out and do all the things they didn't or couldn't do when they were busy raising children and running a home. It's their time for them. If they're going to worry about anyone, it's an aging parent, not a newcomer to their lives. And that's if there's just one newcomer, the husband. Don't forget that new husbands in their 50s also bring along their their adult children, their grandchildren, and their aging parents, and even though this is 2014, many men of a certain age still expect their wives to worry about all of those other people, too.
that brings to mind a very serious situation, do you know I have a friend who is dating a man, whose adult children have been very cruel to her. So, they broke up for months, and are now back together. They will never marry but they love each other deeply, but could never live with each other, however, those kids are brats, and still use their father, like you wouldn't believe. She never says a word, b/c she knows he knows he is enabling them, but they are so afraid of her marrying their dad and getting everything he owns, they tried to break them up by being nasty to her. He missed her so much, can you imagine denying your father happiness, and the one boy, gets his son, drops his son off to his father and goes off....boy oh boy don't get me started and these are adults??????
So, what I'm saying is, this works great for them....and they are so happy with each other now...it is rewarding everytime they get together, why? No expectations.
Never, ever, especially at age 67 and having spent 12 years caretaking an older husband, who died 7 years ago. I love living alone, I come and go as I please and don't have to remake myself to please anyone else.
No desire to marry ever again. Don't get me wrong, I was happy being married, being part of a team till we weren't. But that was then this is now, lots living, passion and all sorts of fun and pain since those days till present, but I like where I am right now and that's single. Miss some aspects, but, I am happy to fart as loud as I want and to wake up to no one but my own bad breath in the morning.
Well, did it ever dawn on you, Lucario, that you have a reverse-bias by thinking that all middle-aged husbands are NOT no-good and needy. There are plenty of them out there as many ex-wives on this board will attest. I'm referring to that sub-group, not the entire population. I think made that obvious in the following sentence that you conveniently did not highlight.
No desire to marry ever again. Don't get me wrong, I was happy being married, being part of a team till we weren't. But that was then this is now, lots living, passion and all sorts of fun and pain since those days till present, but I like where I am right now and that's single. Miss some aspects, but, I am happy to fart as loud as I want and to wake up to no one but my own bad breath in the morning.
I would love to have a dog though.
My wife farts as loud as she wants anyway. Doesn't bother her.
My wife farts as loud as she wants anyway. Doesn't bother her.
LOL! I expected that and similar such responses. But if you smelt my farts, you wouldn't be so forgiving. What I meant is if her farts smelt like mine.
And the men have been working just as long and taking (mostly figurative) bullets from all sides. Are they not putting their family's needs above their own? I know I have put just as much of myself into raising children as their mother has. But men are the ones who are always wrong? I don't see it.
A man could be just as hell-bent and have just as much of a basis to feel this way as a woman can. Why is a woman such a saint and a man such a no-good loser?
Ever hear the phrase "a man's work is from sun to sun, a woman's work is never done?"
I'm not in your marriage, so I don't know what it's like in terms of the division of labor. I also don't know how old you are and what generation you're in. Nor am I talking about the men's side of this. I'm a woman, in my late 40s, my sister who is single is 57, my other two sisters are 56 and 61, my friends range in age from early 30s to early 70s, and I am sharing their side of it and mine.
Believe me, I know the reasons men would want to remain single. Plenty of posts on C-D explaining it. I also have male friends. But it does seem to me that the reasons men would want to remain single are not gender-specific. Women don't want anyone telling them how to spend their money, either, or have to worry about answering to anyone else when they make plans to do things. But I've never heard a man say that he would eschew marriage because he didn't want to be a caregiver, cook for someone else, or pick up after someone else, and that's because men, by and large, are not expected to fill those roles the way women are.
LOL! I expected that and similar such responses. But if you smelt my farts, you wouldn't be so forgiving. What I meant is if her farts smelt like mine.
Well, the smell part I didn't think about. Fortunately, hers usually smell like lilacs and she has diverticulosis to boot, so I'm lucky that way.
Mine, on the other hand....well, pretty bad, though they've gotten better for some odd reason. My problem is she has the nose of a bloodhound---can smell an onion skin from the other side of the house.
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