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I know very few single women older than 50 who want to remarry. They realize that doing so could be synonymous with singing up to be a nurse in a few years. In fact, my sister, who is 57, went on a date with a man not long ago, and when he told her he had diabetes and MS, all she could think was, "And I'm the one who is going to be changing the diapers in a few years."
It sounds cold and harsh, but it's the truth. Likewise, it's the truth that if the situation were reversed, divorce is more likely when it's the wife who is ill. So in practical terms, it's just not worth it to a lot of women to invest themselves that way.
I'm 47, been divorced for nine years, had a 7-year relationship after that. I'll say here what I told my last SO: Marriage is not a goal of mine. I'm not ruling out, but it's not on my agenda as something I'm deliberately looking for.
For me to marry again, there would have to be a certain practicality to it: The man would have to be neat or we would have to have the resources to pay a housekeeper. He would also have to be willing and able to cook so that I'm not doing all the cooking. It would also have to be a big-arse house that we live in, where we can escape to opposite ends of it should we feel the need to be alone. If he snores, he needs to be okay with having another bedroom that I can go to when he wakes me up. If he is not in absolutely stellar shape, he would probably also have to be younger, because I don't want to be a nurse.
Basically, there must not be any additional labor on my part. I don't care how much I love a man. If I am working and doing second shift running a household, or seeing evidence of living with a slob at every turn (mildewy towels, piles of junk, clutter, whiskers in the sink, pee on the toilet rim), I will resent him for it, for disrespecting the home where I live, too, and for treating me like hired help or an indentured servant. Any man who marries me needs to know that he will not be getting a cook, maid, nurse, or babysitter. He'll be getting a companion and a wife. That's it.
This is probably because in your generation and older, this is how things often worked. Men worked and supported the household while the woman did the duties you listed above. So you are likely meeting men who are used to supporting a woman their whole life, or to some extent, and used to the women catering to things like dinner and laundry. I worked many years in nursing homes, I understand the dynamics entirely. I would say over half the women never worked a day in their life, while every single one of the men worked to support their family. Raising a family is very time consuming, and I'm not downplaying the woman's duties at all, I'm just simply saying that's how gender roles played more into effect back then.
So, you are the exception, because you are single, support yourself, etc., but that's certainly not the case for all, especially in generations that are now in their 70's, 80's, and 90's.
These men are used to expecting the women to cook because that is how they likely lived their married life. They worked all day and their wives took care of the household duties.
Also, in a different sense, many older single men probably expect this because they have more money, and are used to women with no money coming after them and helping to do these "household duties" in return for the man's financial support.
I'm not saying either is right or wrong. I'm just simply saying there is probably some reason you are running into the experiences you are. The thing is, once a man retires, even though he still has the money, he isn't "going to work" each day, so he really doesn't have the same reasoning to not help out equally in the household duties.
and can you give your reasons why Ellie? Just cuirous....is all....
I believe for the most part, women are stronger then men, and once they get a good taste of freedom they realize the importance of personal growth in all things....and love it....
I'm just an independent person, is all. Don't think I'd want to start over again with another domestic arrangement. Wouldn't mind having a "gentleman friend" or two nearby but not to live together. Too much negotiating.
This is probably because in your generation and older, this is how things often worked. Men worked and supported the household while the woman did the duties you listed above. So you are likely meeting men who are used to supporting a woman their whole life, or to some extent, and used to the women catering to things like dinner and laundry. I worked many years in nursing homes, I understand the dynamics entirely. I would say over half the women never worked a day in their life, while every single one of the men worked to support their family. Raising a family is very time consuming, and I'm not downplaying the woman's duties at all, I'm just simply saying that's how gender roles played more into effect back then.
So, you are the exception, because you are single, support yourself, etc., but that's certainly not the case for all, especially in generations that are now in their 70's, 80's, and 90's.
These men are used to expecting the women to cook because that is how they likely lived their married life. They worked all day and their wives took care of the household duties.
Also, in a different sense, many older single men probably expect this because they have more money, and are used to women with no money coming after them and helping to do these "household duties" in return for the man's financial support.
I'm not saying either is right or wrong. I'm just simply saying there is probably some reason you are running into the experiences you are. The thing is, once a man retires, even though he still has the money, he isn't "going to work" each day, so he really doesn't have the same reasoning to not help out equally in the household duties.
Great post and thank you for understanding and also participating....and yes, you are correct, it is definately the generation, and the way it was then....my foster father worked 7 days a week, he was a manager and worked very hard, but he also did things around the house, like painting, yard work, etc...buy my foster mom, never worked she raised us and did so much around the house...however, she was independent, but very naieve, and afraid to get out and do things, do you know she never ever drove?
Crème.... I think we are close to the same age. Like you I can do the relationship, love, sex thing but don't see getting married again.
I think many people our age do it more for Economic reasons. The guys I know desperately looking for a wife is because they are almost broke and need the additional money and support as they get older.
Maybe I've taken too many classes on Estates but when one gets to be older and has built up Assets they risk losing so much by marrying late in life.
I want my Estate to go to my kids not some Bimbo I married and divorced in 6 months.
Getting married late in life becomes a major Business decision more than a Relationship decision.
If anyone needs a husband I have some close guy friends I can recommend who would love to have a wife with a good job or retirement.
Plus like others I enjoy the freedom. It's the 1st time in 40 years that I've been able to park my car in the garage and have the whole closet for myself.
I love every aspect of being single except for one thing.........remaking the bed on laundry day ! I don't mind cooking, cleaning, or doing actual laundry, but putting the sheets and blankets back on after washing them really sucks. Maybe I can get an "only on laundry day GF."
If something happened to my husband, I don't think I would marry again. We've been through a lot together already, and I don't want to do it all over again with someone new. I don't have the energy or interest to start over.
Crème, though I took issue with much of what Lilac said, it wasn't her post I
was originally commenting on. It was the earlier post that said blatantly that
women over a certain age don't need men at all, and all men are deficient in so
many ways, etc.. that I took offense to.
Lucario the thing is many of us women over 40 over 50 hear this kind of stuff from our girlfriends and we have had similar experiences that make us feel the same way. We are not trying to bash men in general or just arbitrarily declaring that women over a certain age don't need a man we are discussing what our female friends, family and we ourselves have experienced.
Of the women I know over 50 only one has remarried and of those still married all say they will not marry again if their husbands pass. This is even women who have had good marriages.
A couple of my girlfriends were upset because their fathers, who were very recently widowed, were desperately looking for another woman because they wanted someone to take care of them. My old riding buddy who was in his sixties and a bit of a horn dog admitted to me that he was looking for a woman "to take care of him". This was only after he developed prostate cancer.
Crème.... I think we are close to the same age. Like you I can do the relationship, love, sex thing but don't see getting married again.
I think many people our age do it more for Economic reasons. The guys I know desperately looking for a wife is because they are almost broke and need the additional money and support as they get older.
Maybe I've taken too many classes on Estates but when one gets to be older and has built up Assets they risk losing so much by marrying late in life.
I want my Estate to go to my kids not some Bimbo I married and divorced in 6 months.
Getting married late in life becomes a major Business decision more than a Relationship decision.
If anyone needs a husband I have some close guy friends I can recommend who would love to have a wife with a good job or retirement.
Plus like others I enjoy the freedom. It's the 1st time in 40 years that I've been able to park my car in the garage and have the whole closet for myself.
I know what your talking about, believe me, and we're all fine with it....it is so nice, not having to answer to someone.
1. Where have you been?
2. Who were you with?
3. Be home by such and such?
4. No you can't go without me?
5. Oh, I'm going hunting for a week in Montana
6. I'm going fishing to Alaska
But we NEVER Went anywhere!
So, I to understand what you mean about the estate, yanno, as you get older, life has a whole new meaning doesn't it.
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I don't mind cooking, cleaning, or doing actual laundry, but putting the sheets and blankets back on after washing them really sucks. Maybe I can get an "only on laundry day GF." 
